A gender agender

Why do men assume that women can’t play chess, or at least can’t play to the same “standard as boys”. I have lost count of the number of occasions where I have turned up with my team, only to be either ushered without asking to the table for board six, or to be deliberately mistaken for the team cheerleader. I used to think that this was a consequence of playing in a school team and that things would be different when I joined the adults. But is Red Hot Chess any better?

I have met some extremely nice people through my games and clans and have to say that my opponents 99% of the time have treated me with respect and politeness, and some I have grown very fond of (You know who you are) but when I read the forums, the wider picture is often quite different. It is much more difficult for a female to be listened to without being ridiculed or having to endure innuendo or just plain crudeness. I know some of the other females on the sites have been harassed and questioned over their looks, their age, even the colour of their underwear, and at times it looks as if being a girl makes you an easy target for the sort of comment that causes sniggers in the playground but shouldn’t have a place in a nice community.

There have been many times when I have read a thread in one of the forums and wanted to join in, but have been too nervous to open myself up to the comments that seem to be reserved for female posters. I would like to start contributing and meeting more people in our chess family, I suppose I am just asking if people would make any replies or comments to a thread based on objectivity rather than the gender of the original poster. I know that society shouldn’t tolerate racism or religious prejudice, well sexism is just as bad and this site does need to improve or risk becoming just like a few chess clubs I could mention, where women are either non-existent or only there to provide the coffee and biscuits.

I don’t want any special privileges, just the freedom to be judged on what I am and what I do rather than by what I was born.

Breaca
VeggieChess and RHP Angel

Originally posted by Breaca
Why do men assume that women can’t play chess, or at least can’t play to the same “standard as boys”. I have lost count of the number of occasions where I have turned up with my team, only to be either ushered without asking to the table for board six, or to be deliberately mistaken for the team cheerleader. I used to think that this was a consequence of play ...[text shortened]... n what I am and what I do rather than by what I was born.

Breaca
VeggieChess and RHP Angel

Women can play chess all right.I have the scars(figure of speech) to prove it.
The other stuff,well,I can't say I noticed it happening here.I always thought women were treated nice on rhp.Certainly if you compare to other sites.If you do get harassed,report it right away,do not hesitate.It should not happen,try weed it out.

Sir Lot.

Originally posted by SirLoseALot
Women can play chess all right.I have the scars(figure of speech) to prove it.
The other stuff,well,I can't say I noticed it happening here.I always thought women were treated nice on rhp.Certainly if you compare to other sites.If you do get harassed,report it right away,do not hesitate.It should not happen,try weed it out.

Sir Lot.

I'd focus on those 99% you mentioned. A 1% tosspot score
in a public forum is more than one can reasonably hope for!
Sadly there are instances of what can only be defined as
'bullying' in the forums. When one of our resident bullies
takes a grudge, they will pick anything as a target for their
ire or scorn, relevent or not, sensible or not, true or not.
I suspect the trick is to spot those that are just itching to
wind-up, bring down or otherwise prove their superiority
in a pitiful, sad and ultimately ineffective way, and then
simply ignore them. Maybe they will suceed in ruining the
odd thread or two but ultimately, its is little more than
delinquent vandalism. I'll stop now before one of the
standard 'intellectual' bullies comes in to point out spelling
or grammatical errors and thus 'defeat' my comments.

Breaca,

I think I understand your concerns, and the solution begins with what you are doing now. Posting without regard for what others might say, and specifically posting about the subject which is concerning you. I think, in the world of chess, and RHP herself, we have what experts in the field might call institutional sexism (I'm not an expert so I'm not sure). However, unless I'm mistaken, one of the problems you run into is the sheer uniqueness of running into a lady at a chess site, tournament or club. I suppose some men just try to be overly friendly, others can't get over the idea of a female chess player and stupidly point it out over and over again, and still others are simply sexist bastards...they should be shot, of course. 🙂

I think this site is particularly unique thanks to skeeter who, as we all know, beats the boys into submission over and over again. I, for instance, am a boy, but it would be a complete waste of time for her to play me as I would not even be a minor challenge. The interesting question(s) is thus: How would skeeter be treated if she were not such a controversial fugure? Is she a controversial figure, at least in part, because she is a woman?

I wish I had some answers. I'm thrilled that you are here and that you feel comfortable enogh to address the subject. I'm also horrofied that the subject needs to be addressed in the first place.

I still think the answer to these concerns lies, at least in part, in your existence here at RHP, and other chess related places all over the world. There is not much any of us can do about sexist bastards except wait for them to die off. However, your continued posting, playing, and desire to talk about this will help to make the rest of us both aware of the problem, and more used to seeing women here.

Keep up the good work!!!

TheSkipper

I am the first to admit I like to flirt and be a bit naughty, but it is all in fun. I have had very few problems with men being unkind or rude, except , of course, for StarValleyWay, who is very rude and insulting. I have had the odd man who has been rude in a game, insinuating that I am a bad chess player because I am a woman. In fact, I am a bad chess player because I am a bad chess player. 🙂
I feel pretty free to say what I want here, without any sexual harassment, as oppossed to Yahoo, where that sort of thing is quite rampant. I feel very comfortable here.

Originally posted by Breaca

There have been many times when I have read a thread in one of the forums and wanted to join in, but have been too nervous to open myself up to the comments that seem to be reserved for female posters. I would like to start contributing and meeting more people in our chess family, I suppose I am just asking if people would make any replies or comments to a ...[text shortened]... n what I am and what I do rather than by what I was born.

Breaca
VeggieChess and RHP Angel

Originally posted by Breaca

There have been many times when I have read a thread in one of the forums and wanted to join in, but have been too nervous to open myself up to the comments that seem to be reserved for female posters. I would like to start contributing an ...[text shortened]... er than by what I was born.

Breaca
VeggieChess and RHP Angel

i agree, all players should be treated with respect, when some lose they go VERY rude,however,i take a lose a greate fully as a loss,causee you learn more when you lose.🙂

Women on the site I have lost to: Babe, Lioness, Imvegan, breaca, aquitane, purcle cow. and I am sure that if I played more women the list would be a lot longer.

I have a good friend whom I respect a great deal because he is such an enlightened man. He gave a presentation once and he began it by saying "My name is Tim and I am a sexist, racist and a bigoted homophob." I was quite taken back by this statement, but he named every (well probably not all) issue that he has had to work on in himself. Naming it takes away its power.

Anyway, I hope you will continue to name the stuff that you see and hold others accountable. The shadow of the internet is that there is anonymity and as a result people will abuse this system.

Is there some lead-up to the "What style and color is your underwear" question that would not be considered overly boorish? Because, you know, I could just about see myself broaching that very question some day.

😉

Originally posted by Paul Dirac
Is there some lead-up to the "What style and color is your underwear" question that would not be considered overly boorish? Because, you know, I could just about see myself broaching that very question some day.

😉

Originally posted by elvendreamgirl
clear

Originally posted by Paul Dirac
Is there some lead-up to the "What style and color is your underwear" question that would not be considered overly boorish? Because, you know, I could just about see myself broaching that very question some day.

😉