23 Jan 10
Originally posted by CrowleyYou are teaching them that voilence works.
That is seriously idiotic reasoning.
How is giving a toddler a smack on the bum when she lets go of your hand and runs into a street teaching her that violence solves problems?
Will she tun into a crazy serial killer who snipes jay-walkers?
I don't know if she will turn into a crazy serial killer or not, but she will learn that hitting is the thing to do. As her Dad had taught her that lesson.
24 Jan 10
Originally posted by Very RustyHe is teaching them that there is a consequence for not behaving. Your consequence is different than his, it doesn't mean it is better.
You are teaching them that voilence works.
I don't know if she will turn into a crazy serial killer or not, but she will learn that hitting is the thing to do. As her Dad had taught her that lesson.
No worries, there will be plenty of time in school and sports for the kids to learn how and when to hit each other.
24 Jan 10
When I used to teach on a parenting course for teenagers we would spend quite some time talking about discipline. The things I always asked them to consider before they made up their mind about physical punishment were:
1 at what age do you think it's ok to start physically punishing a child?
2 when does a tap become a smack become a slap become a hit become a punch etc?
3 at what age is it appropriate to begin using a slipper, stick or belt etc to attack your child when they have done wrong in your eyes?
The answers were interesting and varied - and certainly raised much debate, as this subject always does. 🙂
24 Jan 10
Originally posted by Pawn QweenI would say the majority of parents who hit their kids as a punishment were hit themselves as kids, so they think it is the correct thing to do.
When I used to teach on a parenting course for teenagers we would spend quite some time talking about discipline. The things I always asked them to consider before they made up their mind about physical punishment were:
1 at what age do you think it's ok to start physically punishing a child?
2 when does a tap become a smack become a slap become a hit ...[text shortened]... ere interesting and varied - and certainly raised much debate, as this subject always does. 🙂
24 Jan 10
Originally posted by CrowleyI agree with this. My father used the belt but by the time it got to that, he'd lost his temper and it just left my brothers and me scared and resentful.
I can say with 100% certainty that I would probably be in jail now if my father hadn't grabbed the belt once in a while...
I was a little terrorist.
The trick, I believe, is just balance.
You [I] have to have two options, one being reasoning and one a spanking. You can't just lose your temper and assault the kid.
I use both, but when reasoning doesn' ...[text shortened]... e lost your temper.
You have to make them stop the 'bad' behaviour before you get there.
And I totally agree with what you're saying about spankings being a very controlled consequence. When my kids were little, that was pretty much how I approached it but there were a couple of times when I lost my temper much like my dad did and hit them out of anger. So, for me, I had to take corporal punishment completely off the table as an option.
Overall, I think I'm a pretty good mom and my kids are terrific but that wouldn't be the case if I wasn't willing to recognize my limitations and reassess my approach to my kids.
24 Jan 10
Originally posted by MimorI would rec your post if I could 🙂
I agree with this. My father used the belt but by the time it got to that, he'd lost his temper and it just left my brothers and me scared and resentful.
And I totally agree with what you're saying about spankings being a very controlled consequence. When my kids were little, that was pretty much how I approached it but there were a couple of times when ...[text shortened]... e case if I wasn't willing to recognize my limitations and reassess my approach to my kids.
When people say they were smacked/caned/belted etc as a child and it didn't do them any harm, I find it difficult to agree. It has made them into people who think it's ok to do that to children. There has to be another way.
24 Jan 10
1 edit
Originally posted by MimorWell said. It depends on the situation. When my kids were much younger, especially toddler age, they got spankings occasionally, on the butt, but it was about changing the scenery and not about inflicting pain. When you are a parent, you really know how kids can get and sometimes the spanking or the physical removal of said child is the thing that snaps them out of it. Children can be like little animals.
I agree with this. My father used the belt but by the time it got to that, he'd lost his temper and it just left my brothers and me scared and resentful.
And I totally agree with what you're saying about spankings being a very controlled consequence. When my kids were little, that was pretty much how I approached it but there were a couple of times when e case if I wasn't willing to recognize my limitations and reassess my approach to my kids.
Nowadays, where my kids are nearly as tall as I am, it seems odd that I still have to tap a butt now and then when they are behaving badly from being overtired or overstimulated or just plain hormonal. But I do. With two pre-adolescent girls, they really challenge me and often I have to "escort" them to their room when they will not stop arguing.
And there is a line. My kids are wonderful but their strong individuality is not something I want to change. Like Crowley said, there is a balance and each good parent knows where the lines are. 🙂
24 Jan 10
Originally posted by Very RustyBull excrement. A big steaming pile of it.
You are teaching them that voilence works.
I don't know if she will turn into a crazy serial killer or not, but she will learn that hitting is the thing to do. As her Dad had taught her that lesson.
She is learning that actions have consequences, and if she does something stupid like run into the street, then her bum is going to be spanked.
24 Jan 10
Originally posted by MimorI hope I never lash out in anger.
I agree with this. My father used the belt but by the time it got to that, he'd lost his temper and it just left my brothers and me scared and resentful.
And I totally agree with what you're saying about spankings being a very controlled consequence. When my kids were little, that was pretty much how I approached it but there were a couple of times when ...[text shortened]... e case if I wasn't willing to recognize my limitations and reassess my approach to my kids.
The first time you spank a kid after losing your temper, you should never do it again. Good on you for admitting it and taking the necessary action.
This is why you need to do the physical act BEFORE you get to the point of no return and you lose your temper.
24 Jan 10
Originally posted by uzlessBravo, couldn't have said it better me self!
Try using, uh, you know, parenting skills.
Tell the kids they can play for 15 more minutes and then its bedtime. If they don't like it, turn the game off tell them you are the parent, they are the kid, and now it's time to do what they are told. If they still don't listen, the sleepover kids get a ride home immediately and your kids are grounded.
When did parenting become so hard?