OK, as the Olympics open up today, we gonna review "My Big Fat Greek Weddin." Let me just begin by sayin dat I had all my female friends sayin, "Hey K-dawg, you gotta go see dis movie as it is the best movie ever." I should have taken notice that none of my mens friends ever said a word, much less a kind word about it. I can see why womens just loved it. It sort of be like "the ugly duckling" story about dis here woman who be Greek. She aint ugly. She actually very sweet, but "prince charming" comes along and he's all sensitive like and women just love that type. He's kind of like a young John Kerry only with mo personality which aint really sayin much, but anyway day fall in love. But ders mo to dis here story. Its this girl's family. O, my Lawd, what a family. Let me just say straight up to my vegan posse out der dat seein dis here family eat would be sheer pornography to you. Days a bunch of ravenous wolves and all day got on der mind is food. Let me just say dat I don't think Greece is gonna get a single medal in these here Olympics unless day have sumo wrestling. Eat, eat , eat dats all day do.
Anyway dis here movie be all about how to stay close to yo family and leave em at da same time. Now that you know what it's about ya don't need to go see it. Day get married and they got this big ole reception where day just eat and eat and eat and everything seems all beautiful and all. And then the nightmare begins. You find out day movin in right next door to dat crazy family dat likes to eat all da time. Lemme tell you somethin. You marry into a family like that, don't walk away. You run and you run fast. She wants ta run wit ya fine. If not, you keep runnin. Ya dig.
Anotha thing I noticed in dis movie was da mens. Seems da Greek mens like to be all muscle bound and have der shirts open and wear a lot of bling bling. Day seem to be all liken themselves and all. Who knows? Maybe you gotta be Greek to like dis movie.
OK, if you Greek or a woman, dis movie gets ya fo (4) stars. If you anybody else, it gets 2 stars. Be a good movie fo a first date. Know what I'm saying?
Today I want to review a movie from da land of RHP. All you people ova der might like a movie you can undastand. It's call "Calender Girls." To me this here was a very unusual movie as it concerns a wholesome goal with unconventional methods. Lemme splain. Dis here lady has a husband and he gets cancer and dies. She is part of a very prim and propa womens group where all day do is sit around and learn about worthless stuff and think day be doing somethin important. They ain't. Well one of ems gets da idea from seeing a girly magazine in her son's room that maybe day can make der own girly calender and sell it to raise money for dis here cancer ward. Well, lemme tell ya it ain't like Elizabeth Hurley or Princess Diana be in this movie. Day all real plain or real old. But dat be the beauty of dis here movie. I give em an "A" fo trying. Anyway day find dat everyone is quite taken by their ingenuity and day can't keep up wit da demand. Now all tha otha ladies get all intimidated and offended but day come on board eventually. Day got a work ethic second ta none.
So what dis movie be really about? It's about a "higha callin." It don't matta who ya offend if ya doin what be right from on high. OK, how we gonna rate dis here movie? Well if you be 60 or older I'm gonna give it fo (4) stars. If ya eva give money to a good cause, ya get 4 stars again. If you a teenage boy, it only get one star as the boy in tha movie finds it all painful to come home and see his mom walking around all naked. He thinks she be tryin to compete wit da ladies in his magazine. Yea, dat be painful alright.
Originally posted by kirksey957If you could save a soul and you had to be humilated how long would you think?
Today I want to review a movie from da land of RHP. All you people ova der might like a movie you can undastand. It's call "Calender Girls." To me this here was a very unusual movie as it concerns a wholesome goal with unconventional methods. Lemme splain. Dis here lady has a husband and he gets cancer and dies. She is part of a very prim and pro ...[text shortened]... He thinks she be tryin to compete wit da ladies in his magazine. Yea, dat be painful alright.
OK, we gonna go a little mo contemporary as I know some of you chess geeks like Quentin Tarratino. We gonna review "Kill Bill vol1". OK, you've heard the expression "gratuitous sex and violence"? There ain't no sex in dis here movie. It's all violence big time. It be yo basic revenge theme movie. All I can say is God hep the world if dat Uma Thurman get a nuclear bomb.
Dis here movie's got sort of an Asian theme to it as there is this real mean posse of Asian girls who look like they day just got out of Catholic school or something. Just as vicious as can be. Well, ole Uma comes to get revenge and takes out half of Tokyo in da process. Just Uma and her samurai sword. It don't make much sense to me either. Here's what I don't get. See ole Uma is in a coma for fo years. Not a damn penny to her name. No clothes, no nothin, and da next thang ya know she be flying all ova da world first class. No what I'm sayin? And then , she's got dis big ole samurai sword wit her at all times. Now I don't know about you, but I gotta be practically strip- search befo I even get near an airplane. What's up wit dat? But I guess Quetin is an "artist" now so he got all kinds of literary license to be "artistic" and all.
OK, you be sayin "Hey, so what you do to make dis a betta movie?" OK, fair question and I tell ya. See what I would do is make one of dem vicious Asian girls in the Catholic uniform be Soon Yi and Woody Allen be all attracted to her and stuff and they kill him. To me that story line would have a redeeming purpose. Know what I'm sayin?
OK, what kinda ratin we gonna give dis here movie besides R+ fo violence. OK, if you have eva been shot in da head and in a coma fo a real long time and ya wanna get back and whoeva shot ya, you gonna love it and I give ya 4 stars. If you an Asian wit a short fuse, it gets ya 3 stars. Everybody else, just 2 stars and dat only be cuz the artist Quentin Tarritino be directin it. Ya dig?
OK, today I want to review a movie that has "love" in the title. It is "Love, Actually." This here movie also comes from da land of RHP and stars Hugh Grant. And as you can guess it's all about love. The movie is full of relationships that seem to have no connection to one another, but somehow come togetha. I personally found it kind of arduous, but that was me. It's basically yo positive feel good kind a movie. One thang kind of really bothered me though. It must be dat you peoples on dat side of da pond think we be absolute idiots ova here. Here's da deal. You cast Hugh Grant as yo pime minister and we get Billy Bob Thorton as our president who hits up on Mr. Prime Minister's secretary. Thiswas strictly very bad casting. Why not just get the real deal and have Bill Clinton play that role as he be unemployed and got experience. Know what I'm sayin? See you all try ta make us look real bad with that Billy Bob Thorton character and we all know he be crazy wit dat Angolina Jolie wearing his blood around her neck and all. Yea, and we all hear dem stories of how sex be so wild wit dem two dat they got to be in a padded room. Well, let me tell ya day need a padded room alright, but cuz day just damn crazy. And speakin of crazy, how come you all cast Mr. Puppy Sad Eyes as Mr. P.M.? Now I think this boy's crazy too. You be livin large with Elizabeth Hurley and decide "oh there be a crazy hooker." So long Elizabeth Hurley. Talk about a fool! But he's all good lookin and all so you forgive Mr. Sad Puppy Eyes. OK, I kinda got off da beaten path here wit ma movie review, but I promised ya ya wouldn't get no Siskel and Ebert garbage.
OK, back to ma movie. Here's a little exercise to redeem this here movie. Watch it wit yo significant other, ya spouse, whoever. When it be done, ax em "who in dis hear movie did you find tha most attractive?" To me, that is a beautiful use of this here movie that is mostly worthless.
OK,how we gonna rate it? If you gay, it gets no (0) stars. Shamefully there were no gay relationships at all in dis movie. If you a woman wantin to fall in love, I give ya 4 stars, and dat be only if ya on a date watchin dis here movie.
A special word to ncosby. I apologize for reviewling a movie wit "love" in da title, but I got so worked up about dat Hugh Grant Billy Bob Thorton thang I just couldn't stand it.
OK, I'm on a roll and gonna give ya anotha review from da classic archives which many of you younga playas won't be old enough to remember. What was da name of da movie dat starred Burt Reynolds, Ned Beatty, and Jon Voight? Correct! Deliverence. One of the most horrifyin movies of all time. See these here mens day decide ta go out and do some male bondin kind of stuff, you know like raftin and huntin and all dat. Well, it turns into da kinda bondin day ain't counted on. Know what I'm sayin? Poor Ned Beatty. These ole boys out in da woods want him to be a pig and all and trust me dis ain't about Babe da pig.
But here's da deal. Click on ma name. Yea, I be from dem parts and if you get out in da woods you need to be packin some heat and it ain't because of bears though we gottem. Bein mauled by a bear would be a gracious death compared to the what ole Ned Beatty went through. Know what I'm sayin? But tha thang of it is is dat day reject ole Ned. They stick togetha and survive the ordeal togetha and that is why it is called "deliverance." Course havin a gun will hep too. Are ya feelin me?
4 big stars fo this here movie. You younga kids check it out.