OK, today I want to review an ole classic in honor of one of our own havin to put his cat ta sleep. Rememba the movie "Ole Yellar." I believe dat this here movie was the first movie I eva saw. It's yo basic "boy meets dog, boy falls in love wit dawg, boy shoots dawg in da head" movie. Dis here family is livin out in da wilderness and dis here dawg shows up and just endears himself to this here family. He sleeps in da bed and does all kinds of cute stuff. But as day be livin out in da wildaness there ain't no leash laws or fences and stuff and Ole Yellar gets into all kinds of trouble. First he picks a fight wit a bear. Sometimes dawgs ain't too bright. Then he gets mixed up wit a bunch of wild pigs. He gets whooped good. But then he gets in a scrap wit a wolf. And that's da beginnin of bad stuff to come. Gets hydrophobia or something. Anyway, dis here family wakes up and Ole Yellar has turned into Cujo. The brave young boy goes out and shoots him in da head. O , ma Lawd, it be so sad it almost brings tears to my eyes all over again. It ain't quite as traumatic as Ned Beatty, but anyway it's yo basic boy becomin a man story. Whoa, what have we here. Apparently while Ole Yellar was out pickin fights wit bears and all kinds of animals he wuz also sowing some wild oats, if ya dig ma drift. So da movie end all happy as a little Ole Yellar offspring show up. Maybe day get em a fenced yard dis time round.
Anyway, I think dis here movie be why I get so attached to dawgs and not even know it. I gotta have me a dawg sleepin in da bed to keep ma feet warm at night. Dats a real good feelin. Know what I'm saying?
OK, how we a ratin it? If ya got a dawg, ya get 4 stars. If ya got a cat, only get ya 2 stars. Put yo animal down, cat or dawg, 4+ stars as well all be people wit feelin. Ya dig?
OK, I keep hopin somebody will respond to my movie reviews as it appears I am just talkin to myself. Maybe I gotsta get in dis here moderatin fiasco to get noticed. Maybe dis here movie will "prime da pump" so to speak.
I want to review the movie "Fatal Attraction." Hey, come back, mens. I'll be makin it safe for ya, don't worry. I consider dis here movie to be one of the most influential upon current culture and you didn't even know it, that is until I just told ya. You say explain, so I will splain fo ya. It was about the time dat dis here movie came out that there was an unprecidented rise in non-diabetic related impotence in mens. And it was about dis time dat research began to counteract the effects of this problem. Researchers developed little pills called Cialis and Viagra. See what I'm gettin at? And it was also during dis time dat Oprah began her rise to fame as it be all about men bein bad and women being da victims.
Dis here movie starred Glenn Close and Michael Douglas. He's got it all. Nice beautiful wife, a family, job and a house. O ma Lawd, what went wrong? A woman looked at him and dat was it. Dat was all. Men got a defect if ya want to call it that. Dat movie spoke to tha defect in every man and tha result was epidemic proportions of impotence. Glenn Close plays dis really crazy woman. A bad stalker with a borderline personality disorda. Cooks his kids rabbit. He can't get away and dat be what so terrifyin. She gets it in da end, but what we don't know is what he didn't get the next week, month, the rest of his life. Are ya feelin ma drift?
I was thinkin though as this here movie had such an impact on promiscuity dat if day could recast it and re-release it in Africa it could maybe help with the AIDS problem ova there. I'd cast it like dis. I'd have Denzel Washinton (he's look real good in a loin cloth) and I would have as his wife maybe Loren Green of Fox News. She's a stunningly beautiful Nubian princess who also plays da piano. OK, and then I would have Janet Jackson be the Glenn Close character as she's already got some spariance in gettin us worked up. Know what I mean? And speakin of which- is there anybody who can tell me what in da world was going on wit dat crazy Jackson family at dat court hearin yesterday where they all wearin white clothes and sunglasses. It almost looked they was makin a movie called "Only Black People Become Angels." It just get crazier and crazier.
OK, I'm digressin again I know. How we gonna rate dis movie? If you like rabbits, it gets 0 stars. If you a man, it gets ya 0 stars as it's ya ticket to life-long impotence. If you a woman and eva been obsessed, cuttin ya self, and needin to be put away in an institution, you will absolutely luv it and it'll get ya 4 stars.
Alright let's have some discussion. Can any of you mens rememba how ya felt leavin dat theater after ya saw dis one? Feel free ta share ya pain.
OK, today I'm gonna review a rather recent movie that received much critical acclaim, but I'm not sure why. And today I'm probably gonna step on a lot of toes of the RHP community, but so be it. This here movie is "art imitating life." OK, dis here movie is "A Beautiful Mind" starring Russell Crowe. I figure he be kind of da Hugh Grant of Austrailia. Anyway, dis here move concerns a man who just a damn genius. That's cool, but he also crazy as hell suffrin from skitzofrenia wit paranoid features if ya dig ma drift. He is really in to "cuttin and pastin" befo der was computers. I mean da boy is got scissors and glue. Just crazier in hell but a damn genius. He don't like ta take his medicines either. Ya know I saw dis movie and I start feelin real uncomfortable cuz I know I be all surrounded by dese here geniuses on da site that all in ta formulas and crazy symbols and logic which I just to damn stupid to follow. I may be stupid, but I ain't crazy. Now you be sayin "Splain, K-dawg, what you talkin bout?" OK, go ova to da debates forum and look up a thread with tha word "arcana" in it. Now if you can follow what dat boy talkin about, I suggest you go check yo-self inta a hospital real quick like. Know what I'm saying. I've known a long time dat boy would go far, but I read dat thread and thought of dis here movie and start to get all scared fo him. Oh, and he ain't da only one. You all know who ya are. If ya in da top 20, betta go see a doc. If ya makin 20,000 moves a month, welcome ta dat club.
See da beauty of dese here movie reviews is dat we talk about mo than movies. We talk about what be real out in da field. Ya'll know ders some crazy-ass geniuises on dis here site.
OK, what we gonna rate dis here movie? If a(3x/ts)+ 34>vs=sl98 mean a damn thang to ya, I'll give it fo (4) stars. Just do me a fava and go check yaself in. Othawize it only gonna getcha 2 stars as I can't stand Russell Crowe. His band sucks too. Boy oughta join da Metallica clan.
Originally posted by kirksey957In all seriousness, someone like John Nash, who is good at logic, might be more prone to schizophrenia for a reason I discussed in that thread. A knowledge of logic gives one the ability to argue for opposing sides of an issue by assuming different things, so in real life such an individual might change his or her opinions about what details of the world are important, and come to totally different conclusions about what's going on depending on what day it is.
OK, today I'm gonna review a rather recent movie that received much critical acclaim, but I'm not sure why. And today I'm probably gonna step on a lot of toes of the RHP community, but so be it. This here movie is "art imitating life." OK, dis here movie is "A Beautiful Mind" starring Russell Crowe. I figure he be kind of da Hugh Grant of Austr ...[text shortened]... stars as I can't stand Russell Crowe. His band sucks too. Boy oughta join da Metallica clan.
Dude, I bin following yo' movie reviews wit intrest. Yo' synopsis of dat Ol' Yellar is de best, in de same way de West Side is de best.
Originally posted by royalchickenThank you , my brotha, and I so glad you could hear my concern as well affirmation of yo genius status at least in my book.
In all seriousness, someone like John Nash, who is good at logic, might be more prone to schizophrenia for a reason I discussed in that thread. A knowledge of logic gives one the ability to argue for opposing sides of an issue by assuming different things, so in real life such an individual might change his or her opinions about what details of the wor ...[text shortened]... intrest. Yo' synopsis of dat Ol' Yellar is de best, in de same way de West Side is de best.
Originally posted by kirksey957Yo, I just got around to readin' yo' reviews cuz I been spending
Thank you , my brotha, and I so glad you could hear my concern as well affirmation of yo genius status at least in my book.
all my time working through Professa Chicken's lesson!
But yo, you gotta give Dr. Nash mad upz fo' solvin' tha problem
of how to get tha finest ladies.
Dr. Cribs
Originally posted by CribsYes, but der in lies da problem. For him it was, as you say, "solvin tha problem." Now I know for you it ain't no problem. You just chill and it seems ta come natural like. So while he be a genius, some thangs that be real natural come real hard.
Yo, I just got around to readin' yo' reviews cuz I been spending
all my time working through Professa Chicken's lesson!
But yo, you gotta give Dr. Nash mad upz fo' solvin' tha problem
of how to get tha finest ladies.
Dr. Cribs
OK, we startin to mix it up and get a little discussion goin which is what I hoped would happen. We learnin from just goin to tha movies wit our butter popcorn all soaked in coconut oil while just listenin to me. Ain't life beautiful?
Originally posted by jeff nevilleThank you, Jeff. As I have said before, it's more than just about tha movie. It's all about life. Movies are a mirror of life, however sometimes dat mirror be real dirty or distorted and it takes someone like me to bring a certain clarity of interpretation to it. Fo example. My wife read that review of "Fatal Attraction" and it was like she wuz ready to have me commited. Ya know what I'm sayin? But it's like the mo she thought about it, tha mo it made sense. That don't happen fo me very much. People be sendin me pm asking me where da hell you get all dis stuff? All I can say is dat it comes to me in my sleep. Every night thangs just happen in ma sleep and I wake up like one of dem Old Testament prophets all ready to reveal what was given to me from where I know not. Maybe from the Lawd fo all I know. Now ain't dat a scary thought.
man,yous reviews gives me sumthin to looks for in these here forums. All ya needs is sum a dem dere Gene Shalit glasses.
thanks
OK, da Lawd just spoke to me again. Just kiddin. Alright I want to review what I think is a very good movie that is very slow paced. Dis here movie is just full of life lessons which to me makes it a classic. The movie is "Castaway" starring Tom Hanks. He sort of tha Hugh Grant of the US if you know what I'm sayin. Anyway he is a real time nazi. Just an absolute driven man whose life be controlled by clocks, beepers, cellphones and otha intrusions. He's a man never lookin at who he is. It be Fedex this and Fedex that. So damn sickenin make ya want to use UPS. Anyway, he's on a long plane flight that crashes in da ocean and he is da only survivor. Thumbs up fo special effects. I needed a little dramamine myself. He washes up on dis here desolate island wit nobody but himself. No cell phone service (kind of like Cingular), no beeper, and who the hell knows what time it is. Let me tell ya somethang. It's almost like the boy going through RedHotPawn withdrawal in a bad way.
This here be the genius of dis movie. It teaches ya that tha world and life ain't on yo schedule. You gotta meet life on life's terms. Period. It be a painful lesson fo him, but he emerges as a man transformed. Fo years later he finally says da hell wit it I'm gettin off dis here island or I'm dying and don't give a damn. Makes friends wit dis here volley ball and starts going a little crazy as he starts talkin to it. I mean it ain't Ginger from Gilligan's Island, but I guess it'll do if ya going crazy. OK, I'm digressin again.
Anyway he's afloat way out der. He's about ta die and dis here whale kind of comes along and tells him he need to be wakin up cuz a boat be comin along. He gets rescued and returns to find his fiance all married to someone else and got a kid. O , my Lawd, just send me back to da island. But life ain't ova yet, praise God! One thang that sustained him was this here package he swore he's deliver. Remind me neva to work fo Fedex. He finds da lady it going to and drives out to God knows where. It be as desolate as dat island only it's Texas. Very symbolic. A real good movie always full of symbolism. And anotha thang that is real powerful here. Tha movie ends, but it don't end. Is he going back to see dat attractive woman who just got tha package? Could be. We don't know. Life be full of suprises if ya just unplug tha damn phone, throw the beeper out, and don't look at a clock. Ya feel?
How we ratin it? If ya work fo Fedex, 1 star. Everybody else, 4 stars all da way around.