Actually I had been planning this review for some time and what hope is that it will have a certain relevance to RHP life. The movie I will review is "The People of the United States Vs. Larry Flynt" which starred Woody Harrelson and Courtney Love. A bit of background as all good reviews should have a historical context. Before there was the downloading of porn, before the advent of the VCR and DVD's, there were two dominant magazines that showed female nudity. There was Playboy who wanted to present "the girl next door" image and there was Penthouse who wanted to present the "girl from the wrong side of the tracks" image. Along came another magazine called Hustler that wanted to present "the girl from the other side of town while at the gynecologist's office." It was started by Larry Flynt and this movie chronicals his beginnings and life. In my opinion there was more to this movie than just Larry Flynt. It was superbly acted even if you disagreed with his message and content. Courtney Love deserved an Oscar for her acting, but I'm not really sure she needed much coaching for this role.
A couple of themes. Flynt was an outrageous character who flaunted authority all throughout his life. Got in trouble for the sake of getting in trouble. The movie takes a brief look at his beginnings. It seems that Flynt's life (at least in the movie) was one in which he came from nothing, accumulated massive wealth, had a strong committed relationship with one woman who also allowed him to have relationships with many other women. Sort of a idolized and idealaized world for a man. He lived from his brainstem and not so much from his frontal lobes.
Much of his life was spent in court and trying to make his objectionable material the "status quo." The movie presents him as a man of pain who comes into situations presenting an "I don't care" attitude that alienates the "decent" people. He had poor judgment at times, but he really didn't care.
I liked this movie a great deal as I said before because it is not just about Larry Flynt and obscenity. It is about how individuals deal with and act out from where they came. It also says a great deal about how issues take precedent over the person.
His loyal and loving wife dies and he is shot and left to live out his life in a wheelchair. A tortured man still villified and also presenting his rebellion even if limited by the ravages of time and poor health. As you can tell I like this movie because as all good movies do, they say more than intended and keep you wondering and talking. 4 Stars
OK, in honor of our forums up and runnin again, I thought it appropiate to review a movie that had correspondence chess in it. Any guesses? Oh ya having to think on dis one. Well, today I'm gonna review "Dawn of the Dead." As you will recall the correspondence chess occurred from the rooftops with binaculars while passin the time as the zombies destroyed the world below.
OK< now you might think this just an ole horror movie. It be much deeper than that. Basically the story line is that hell is full and the dead are rising. Now in da original "Dawn of the Dead" the zombies were kinda like Barney on Percocet just kind of wanderin round real slow. Well in dis here "Dawn of the Dead" I think they gottem a stairmaster or a bowflex in hell as dese here zombies will run ya down and ya betta hope you be in real good shape like maybe Randy Moss or Flo Jo. Oh, I forgot that she dead too.
Anyway, the livin people run to the mall. Now being the good reviewer dat I am, I see beyond just da mall. See tha mall is an archetype of paradise. It got everything in there. Got ya clothes, ya food, ya tv's. Now you all across da pond maybe laughin at us over here bulldozin down creation to make room fo da mall, but what you all gonna do ova there. Run down tha street to get food. Like I said the mall is yo symbolic version of paradise. And it is here dat they fend off death and destruction. Where's Uma Thurman wit a sword when ya need here? No where to be found in dis here movie.
Well der be another archetype dat these here people need. It's called a guns. Now tha guy in da gun shop be a real good chess playa, but he needs some food. So the people in da mall send him some food via a border collie. Now, ya know if Ole Yellar had been given da task he'd a picked a fight and dat poor man starve ta death. Anyway , they get their guns.
And der be one mo archetype that comes in ta play. A vehicle. It symbolic of gettin from one place to another. They soup in up with raza wire and chainsaws and stuff, but one thang they could a done was make dat truck into a like a low-rida so it just stomp the livin hell out of um. Know what I'm sayin?
OK, how we gonna rate dis here one. If ya own a gun and like the concept of all in one shoppin and I ain't talkin Walmart, you gonna luv it and it'll get ya 3 and 1/2 stars. If ya play corresponence chess and eva felt like killin anyone, once again, 3 and 1/2 stars. Just don't do it. Go to dis here movie and participate, as day say , vicariously. Ya dig?
OK, as da forums was down a few days, I got real bored and had to do somethang else wit ma time, so I previewed some mo movies. I want to review "Along Came Polly." Dis here be yo basic opposites attract movie. Ya got dis here fella who is ya basic Jewish boy who be all obsessive compulsive with features of irritable bowels syndrome (IBS) and he just gets jilted in a bad way on his honeymoon. Well he meets up wit dis here kind a free spirit girl played by Jennifa Anniston. Can anybody please tell me what dat girl see in Brad Pitt? Anybody, please, I beg ya.
Anyway, she's a real free spirit, but she needs a maid. Place kind of remind me of ma kid's bedroom. Won't tell ya which one as I get in trouble if ya dig ma drift. But see what dis here free spirit girl needs is a man to give her some structure. And he needs a woman to teach him how ta just chill out. I was kinda hopin fo some mo outta dis here movie. It was cute and all, but somethang was missin fo me. I mighta cast it a little different. I was sort of thinkin maybe a reversal of roles as da man be all loosy goosey and tha woman be all tight and all. I might have maybe Katie Couric as da woman as her husband dead now and maybe Howard Stern as he be divorced. I could see some real chemistry happenin der.
OK< what we gonna rate it? If ya got OCD and IBS ya might find tremendous comfort in knowin ya ain't alone and I'll give ya 3 and 1/2 stars. Otherwise just two.
One of tha loyal subscribas to my reviews has requested a movie review of "Harold and Maude." Now dis here movie is ova 30 years old, but ya reviewer is in da house. This here movie is a timeless classic and I personally consider one of the most unusual dark comedies of all time. It stars Bud Cort as a neurotic teenaga who really enjoys stickin it to his motha with his fake suicides. She deserves everythang she gets in my opinion. Harold is kinda obsessed wit death. Likes going to funerals of people he don't know and hangin out in cemetaries. His mom just messed him up good. She sends him to a psychoanalyst. Throwin da money away. Sends him to tha priest. Don't work either. Sends him to his uncle who is a general in da military. They all fail at redeemin this boy. Anyway, providence has a way of lookin after us. He meets Maude, played by Ruth Gordon, who is an 80 year old lady who knows what da boy needs. Tha lady knows life and how to enjoy it. Well they fall in love and I gather they do some consumatin of tha relationship so to speak. But befo ya pass judgment ya gotta know tha boy starts ta come out. His momma she tries to get him girlfriends and all, but he keeps stickin to momma and I guess he did to tha last mail orda date too, but ya just gotta see this one.
I'll tell ya somethang. I do preachin as some of ya know and I got me more damn sermon illustrations from dis here movie than I have from anywhere else. It's just full of life and hope in tha damn craziest way. OK, a little quiz. If you seen dis here movie, what is tha secret that we don't know about Maude which makes her outlook all tha mo amazin?
OK, how we rate this classic? If ya ever had issues wit ya momma, which is about all of us, 4 real big stars way up high. Go check it out and tell the video clerk I sent ya.
It was suggested earlier that I also review "KIll Bill Vol 2" so as to have a more complete view of this film. Volume 2 is a continuation of the revenge theme where the character played by Uma Thurman continues to hunt down her assassins one by one. We find out mo bout her in dis here film. I particularly enjoyed the training she received from Pei Mae. Young people pay close attention to dat relationship as it all be about what ya learn may save ya one day. One thang I gotta say about ole Uma is that she is filthy dirty in this here movie. Ya see her walkin down da street with a cloud of dirt followin her. Ya just want ta throw her in da tub and take a scrub brush to her.
Probably the best scene fo me was when Black Mamba brings a suitcase full of money with a real black mamba in it. I only wish Steve Irwin was da one who opened it. Dat would be tha last time I ever hear dat fool say "Oh, she's a beaut!" Anyway Uma fights wit dis girl played by Darryl Hannah who has a knack fo pissin people off and losin eyeballs. She runs outta eyeballs in dis here scene. Howeva I must say that I have neva seen such a fine profomance of utter despair as I have in dat scene where she loses her last eye. Not since Margaret Hamilton playin the wicked witch of da west in da WiZard of Oz where she goes "I'm melting, I'm melting" have I seen such a movin profomance of utta despair. You'll love it trust me.
Anyway, Uma connects wit her long lost child. And I think that be why Pei May trusted her with certain secrets that he didn't give to tha otha assassins. He saw a momma deep down inside her. She has a soul unlike them otha assassins. She also got eyeballs. I still think she need a good bath.
How we gonna rate it? If ya eva wanted to get back at someone who done ya wrong, you gonna luv it. 3 and 1/2 stars. If ya go like maybe two, maybe three weeks without takin a bath, ya gonna luv it even mo. 4 filthy stars.
OK, as you all may know by now I gots me a real soft spot fo animals, except maybe cats as I be real emotionally allergic to em. And as I know we got us some horse luvas on dis here site and seeing as I from the centa of da universe when it comes ta horses, I'm gonna review a horse movie. Tha name of dis here movie is "Seabiscuit" which concerns the legendary horse who became a symbol of hope fo da common man durin da depression. It stars Jeff Bridges as tha horses owner and Tobey Maguire of Spiderman fame. Tobey doesn't wear any spandex in dis here movie which be tha only thang that really disappointed me about dis movie.
Seabiscuit is a lazy ass horse. Sleeps allda time and eats like he be starrin in "My Big Fat Greek Weddin." But da genius of dis here movie is that it is about not givin up hope on people. This here movie be all bout second chances. Tobey's a mess. The owner has had his losses. But dis here horse just needs da right person to challenge and work wit him. Have you eva been like dat? I was sort of a late blooma and didn't come inta my potential until a little latta in life and maybe dat be why I like dis movie so much. And dis horse comes along at a time when people be needin hope in a bad way. People kinda vicariously identify wit dis here horse. He's just ya average horse probly wonderin why da hell he's got ta run around in circles ta get any damn attention. But see we all da same. We gotta have da right person on "our back" so to speak to get us goin.
Also want to give a big way up ta Jerry Bailey who tha otha jockey in dis here movie. Now I done ma share of bettin on da poneys if ya know what I'm mean. I been to da Derby and I like bettin on da poneys. If ya see Jerry on a horse, he be a real safe bet and I don't think ya be goin wrong.
And I gots one mo thang ta say so listen up. If ya saw me coachin tha men's olympic basketball team, you'd see me set their sorry ass down and look at dis here movie and if they didn't learn anythang about motivation I can be promisin ya somethang. They all be shovelin it big time all tha way back home. Are ya feelin me?
OK, how we gonna rate this here excellent movie. If ya from Kentucky like me, 4 big stars. If ya eva been hopeless and needed anotha chance, again 4 big stars. If ya own tha men's olympic basketball team, stop ya readin and get ya ass on da floor and run me some laps. I gots me a shovel waitin fo ya.
Today I want to dedicate my review to my Hebrew posse the Jewish clan. This here movie is required viewin fo you all. I'm gonna review "Schindler's List." It stars Liam Neeson as German businessman Osca Schindler and Ralph Fines as a sadistic commandant in German army. Filmed in black in white it is a cinematic mastapiece that has dramatic characterization of very complicated people. Schindler is a businesman. In fact he's a womanizin businessman. But none of dem Jews workin in his factory making pots and pans care. Those Jews are his ticket ta make money and he is their ticket fo anotha day on da planet. So it isn't all so altruistic as ya might think. He's a good man, but like all of us he's a human. Many of you Christians I think would particularly like the ethical delimas of dis here movie. In a very movin scene the Ralf Fine's character points at himself in da mirror and tries to give himself fogiveness. It don't work. He's still a murderin SOB.
I got me in a little trouble maself wit dis here movie when I took tha youths in ma church ta see it. Seems like tha parents be mo upset that Osca got him a mistress on tha side than 6 million Jews gots murdered. I don't care. Ya find truth where ya can and dis here movie while bein very difficult to watch is full of tha truth of history.
Hang around to the end. I think ya might be suprised at tha hopeful endin. A big thumbs up ta all tha holocost survivors who starred in it and made it back ta bring us tha truth.
All kiddin thrown aside to give it 4+ stars.
OK, today I want to review a moivie that received much critical acclaim, though I don't know why otha than George Clooney be in it. I generally like what the Coen boys put out, but "O Brother Where Art Thou" didn't quite do it fo me. It was OK and all, but I guess I spected mo. It was kind a marketed as an interpretation of Homer's Odessey, but to me it was mo like The Three Stooges go to Mississippi. Know what I'm sayin? There was some amusin dialogue at times and I particularly liked the baptism scene seein as I'm a preacha and all.
OK, I'm gonna tell ya the best part of this here movie. It ain't the movie at all. It's the music. This here movie single handedly ressurected interest in the true country music dat neva gets much attention. I so damn tired of Shania Twain and all dese otha no talents dat be gettin by all da time wit lookin like Barbie. There wuz even a brotha playin some blues in it.
OK we rate this one? If ya a regula followa of RBHill's Bible lesson of da week I think a gonna give it 4 stars. Lots of religious stuff and all.
If ya be from Mississippi and be in the Klan, you gonna at least like it fo tha Klan rally with choreographed dancin. Looked a little gay ta me, but maybe it was just me. They all seemed to be like you know real close to one anotha and all. Well now dat I said dat , you aint gonna like it at all if ya from Mississippi or be in da Klan. 0 stars.
Lemme now review a very dark movie starrin Billy bob Thorton and Hallie the darka the berry the sweeta the juice Berry. Monster Ball, as one of my friends said , is about very depressin people doing very bad stuff. So as ya might guess Billy Bob Thorton be just perfect fo dis here movie. He plays a prison guard on death row and let me tell ya it aint zactly like Tom Hanks in Tha Green Mile. Anyway he puts this brotha ta death who be played by Puff Daddy. Puff Daddy be married to Hallie Berry whose got dis litta boy who just loves ta eats. They should a given dat little boy a role in ma Big Fat Greek.......Oh, there I go digressin again. Anyway, as fate would have it Billy Bob and Hallie hook up not knowin who tha otha be. Yea, it's a crazy world alright.
Ya know you'd be suprized at how crazy tha world can be. Ya see a movie like dis wit all the insanity ya can't imagine and it seems tha only way ta redeem tha crazy world is ta have crazy sex like Billy Bob and Hallie do. I almost had ta take a fire extinguisha ta my VCR on dis here movie for a brief moment.
OK, how we gonna rate it? As ya know I think Billy Bob is certifiably crazy. He be well cast fo this movie so I gotta give it 3 and 1/2 stars fo castin and actin. It came real natural ta him in dis movie. If ya on medication fo depression, just stay away from dis one. Get ya 1 star. If ya eva done time and wondered if someone like Billy Bob was "enjoyin his freedom" at yo house, it'll get ya 0 stars. I can only say I hope they don't show this here movie in prisons on movie night. They gonna have ta have a lock down. Know what I'm sayin?
Originally posted by kirksey957Kirk, review ''The Big Lebowski'' and reinspire faith in the Coen brothers.
OK, today I want to review a moivie that received much critical acclaim, though I don't know why otha than George Clooney be in it. I generally like what the Coen boys put out, but "O Brother Where Art Thou" didn't quite do it fo me. It was OK and all, but I guess I spected mo. It was kind a marketed as an interpretation of Homer's Odessey, but to ...[text shortened]... at I said dat , you aint gonna like it at all if ya from Mississippi or be in da Klan. 0 stars.
Yo yo yo, what up class, dis be Professa Crizzle, yo'
guest movie reviewa fo' today. I'm about to lay down
a review fo' a movie that a bunch a suckaz on dis site
need to go see at they earliest convenience. Tha name be
Shattered Glass. I just got done watchin' it, and I be
givin' it fo' stars, fo' shizzle!
Don't read not further if you ain't wanna know tha plot...
I said don't read, fool! You gonna ruin' tha endin'!
OK, here's all I got to say.
Why I be recommendin' dis one out to tha peeps at RHP?
Cuz it be teachin' a lesson that lots of suckaz here
could use. It be all 'bout integrity and not makin'
shizzle up when you be writin', you know, 'bout not
printin' lies 'bout othaz that ain't true, just to make
yo'self look good. I see it all tha time here, and if
suckaz don't be changin' they ways, this movie gonna
be showin' 'em tha consequences. Every time you print
a lie 'bout yo' fellow man, it be on tha record, and tha
truth always gonna come back to bite ya in yo' no-good
lyin' ass, word.
Dr. Cribs, Ivory Tower Guest Reviewer
Thank you, Professa Cribs fo fillin in fo me. I needed a litta break as I see so few participatin in dis here class that is really about life. I guess there be a lota foolz up in here dat really think chess is about life. Dats a deep fool.
OK, I want to review a movie that kinda goes a litta wit my parentin class that I might also add had so few people participatin in it. Go ahead and be a crappy parent and see if I bail ya out while ya kickin a screamin yo sorry ass ta tha nursin home.
OK, dis here movie is "Cheapa By tha Dozen." If ya attended my class you will know right up front tha people dat made this here movie didn't attend. This couple got way too many kids and not near enough birth control if ya ax me. Dis here couple day try to think they can like run a damn orphanage and live like Martha Stewart pre-jail. Lemme tell ya somethang. When you have kid numba 1 , life as you knowed it is ova. Period. Now multiply dat times 12. Reminds me of dat otha thread called "what be yo idea of hell."
Gettin back to tha movie I think it goes ta great lengths ta get to tha obvious. Ya can't have it all. One thang day didn't say was dat tha mo kids ya got tha less parent ya got. Dis here movie tried t be all cute wit yo obligatory kid vomit and sensitive moments all ta mask tha fact that mo kids ain't a good thang. Especially 12. I live in a area where I see old people from pre-birth control days who gots um 10-18 kids. Day neva smile. Day die early and day die po. I'd like ta make a movie about dat starrin Eddie Murphy and Oprah Winfrey. We see how much she got it togetha then and we see how all happy and big mouth he can be wit 12 youngins. Maybe I get Quentin Tarratino to direct it and them kids would all be killed off in sort of an artistic way so we could feel good about it. But then Oprah would go back on TV. Betta keep tha kids alive. Maybe Dr. Phil could come in and work wit her depression and homocidal thoughts.
How we rate this one. Only 2 stars and that's only because they don't have numba 13.
OK, today I want to review a movie befo I die. Yea, I flew down here to Florida and thought I might pull up a table and play sum chess here on da beach, but no one takin me up on it. Harri (Luck) and Flash is nowhere to be found. Storm surge be lappin at ma feet soon , so I get wit it.
OK, I'm gonna review what I consider a classic gansta movie. Casino starring Joe Pesci, bobby Deniro and Sharon Stone. It's about tha old Vegas and the new Vegas. Dis here is a morality tale, so listen up you Disciples of Jesus Christ clan. Dis here be about the wages of sin bein death. Lots of sin and death in dis here movie. Does anyone here besides me believe that this Bobby Deniro and Joe Pesci may actually be gangstas. It seems like that be the only movies day know how to make. Well dis here is a good one. Only decent movie Sharon Stone has been in if ya ax me. Forget Basic Instanct. It stunk if ya ax me.
Ya learn a lot of about mens and womens relationshipos in dis here movie. Ya can't buy love, ma brothaz. Ole Sharon get all hooked up on drugs and Bobby D tryin to buy her back wit furs and jewelry and she just gettin crazier and crazier. She need Betty Ford center in a bad way.
Anyway crime has a way of catchin up wit all in da end. Can't run from it. Anotha theme of dis here movie is how the new Vegas looks mo like Disneyland being all kid friendly and all. I sort of liked it a little betta when they caught people cheatin and day take a ball bat to tha knuckles and all. Truthfully have ya eva felt like doing dat when ya go ta Disneyland and some kid think they gotta have it all and just be drivin they damn parents crazy maxin out their credit card and all. Well there I go digressin again.
OK, tha wind startin to pick up a little and it look like I be tha only fool on da beach so let's go ahead a rate Casino. 4 stars as it be a morality tale and I like morality tales done in creative ways. Sort of like Shakespeare neva go outta style. I'm feelin a little like Ole King Lear tonight seein tha storm a comin. "O, let him pass. He would hate him who would stretch him out longa upon da rack of life." Ya dig?
OK, It appears I have reviewed movies on both sides of tha pond, so I want to branch out a litta today and give it up to tha posse on tha side of tha otha pond. Naw, I aint talkin bout you suckuz from da land of Steve Irwin and Russell Crowe. I'm talkin bout Skeeter Land, the big NZ. Ya dig?
I will review a very fine movie called "The Whale Rider." Dis here aint no Free Willy crap so don't let tha title fool ya. It concerns a litta girl who is a family gift and her ole grandpa don't know it. He can't grieve the loss of a grandchild and he gets all angry at her. He thinks he knokws how to initiate young boys inta manhood, but he becomes a tyrant himself all the while emotionally neglectin and abusin this beautiful girl. It's like tha girl can't do nothin right fo him. Eva been around someone like dat? I wuz sort of hopin dat one of dem whales would come along and swallow him up and that little girl could just get on wit her life. Know what I'm sayin? Anyway, I think this movie didn't get near tha attention it deserved.
OK, how we rate it? I'm gonna give it 3 and 1/2 stars. Makes a beautiful movie fo young girls ta look at as day struggle to feel apart of da world where mens tend ta dominate. Ya might want ta read "Revivin Ophelia" as a companion to this here serious topic.
And speakin of tha NZ I truthfully gotsta tell ya I enjoyed dis here movie mo than dat Lord of da Rings crap dat came outta der.
Today I shall review one of da most ova rated movies of all time. Titanic. We all know tha endin. What we need a movie about it fo? Oh yea, I forgets! Excuse me, it got Leonardo Dicaprio in it along wit some sappy Celine Dione theme song. Oh puleeeze. All ya need ta know is some peoples is villians and some be heroes. Ya could a gotten dat from readin Shakespeare, by naw, ya girlfriend gotta go see Leonardo and here some damn sappy music and then go home wit ya and wonda why the hell you can't be like Leonardo. I tell ya the truth. Ya know I mighta given dis here movie 3 stars if Kathy Bates had gone down wit dat ship. Hell, I even be willin ta give it anotha star if maybe a stray bullet sunk her lifeboat. But naw, I gotta hear dat damn crazy Celine singing dat song dat I just gets so sick of. Cuz ya know every damn time a woman hears dat song they be thinkin of why you ain't Leonardo.
1 Star and 1 star only. What a waste fo the most expensive movie of all time.