As you know, my lifestyle isn't what the average "healthy lifestyle pamphlet" would call agreeable.
A basic diet of beer, wine, fatty foods, McDonald's and drugs has kept me up and running for the past 18 years or so.
Needless to say this has taken its toll on my hair. I'm going bald.
Not only am I going bald, but the rest of the hair which isn't disappearing is turning Gandalf grey.
Not only am I going bald and grey, but I have the distinct impression that there is hair growing out my nose and ears.
I've read information booklets suggesting it is down to testosterone, I've seen Discovery channel documentaries which blame it on old age and alien abuduction and I've read in big thick books, best used for toilet paper, that it is God's will.
Let me rebuke these findings:
1. Testosterone gives me erections. It's got nothing to do with my hair. And if it did, how come it's my head that's going bald and not my arse? See!
2. I know plenty of old people who aren't bald. I know plenty of old people (when I was living in Arkansas) who have been abducted by aliens and experimented on by their governments...but still have head heads full of hair.
See!
3. What sort of a sick God would make me go bald? Is he up there in heaven rolling on the floor laughing? No. There is no prankster God. God has more important things to do than "Ho Ho Ho" at me plucking my nasal passage.
See.
Right. So I've come to the conclusion that to get my hair grow back I have to take up sporting. Which I did. 6 weeks ago.
Now, sports schools are horrible places full of thin, fit and horribly ugly people. They're all there sweating like hogs to look like Bergen Belsen refugees. It's unbelievable.
One of the stick people in uniform (there's always uniforms involved in these matters) came up to me, after I'd signed in and asked what my main aim was.
"World domination and a harem of 100 blond haired virgins." I obviously replied.
"Do you think you'll need a pulse watch?" She asked with a serious look upon her face...
Do you, just like me, suppose there are more people at the sports school who want to dominate the world and be surrounded by virgins? It seemed like such an everyday reply.
After a drink or two of some ion-cannon fodder stuff (low calorie, no taste and even less alcohol) another stick person came up. This was a very fit looking young man with a full head of hair.
See!
There is a distinct correlation between sporting and having hair!
"How can I be of assistence?" He asked.
I hadn't been asking for assistence, but it is the curse of modern day establishments that they feel the need to harass you. It's probably got to do with quotas or some boss's unsatiable desire to be sycophantic.
"Yes young man with lots of hair." I said, speaking like John Wayne would to an "Injun".
"How?" asked the young man.
Isn't life ironic? "How" "Indian"? Oh, forget it, if you can't keep up...
"I wish to grow my hair back and I was wondering which of the assorted instruments of sweat I should best persue to achieve my goals on this matter."
"I...I don't think...well, okay....let's see." He said.
I had the feeling the young man wanted to rebut my plan, but he obviously seen in my eyes that I would have given him a good verbal seeing to if he contradicted me. Either that or he'd been instructed that the patron is always right.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, I'm stuck on a cross trainer and bicycle (both of which seem completely pointless to me, because I don't seem to position myself from A to B at all), on which I spend 1 hour of training, 4 times a week.
I've been doing this now for 6 weeks and my hair has not grown back.
Yet.
So, I'm off to train again, I'll just need to tweak my ear hair and I'll be off.
I will keep you up to date though.
Hey shav, hav u thought o tryin' that 'Advanced Hair, yeah yeah' treatment? *serious*
They advertise it ova here alllll the time. I Don't know how much it costs?
It would b a darn site less stress on ur body, & maybe a sigh o relief from the stick people 2.
Me? I'd keep up the trainin'.
I can't say that I've heard of the sweat induced hair growin' theory, but if it works....hey.
Do keep us postd & g'luck....baldy 😛
Originally posted by shavixmir1. High testosterone levels cause men to go bald early.... that's a widely know fact 😛 And the hair on your arse doesn't fall out because it's the same type of hair as pubic hair, which is an entirely different matter.
Let me rebuke these findings:
1. Testosterone gives me erections. It's got nothing to do with my hair. And if it did, how come it's my head that's going bald and not my arse? See!
2. I know plenty of old people who aren't bald. I know plenty of old people (when I was living in Arkansas) who have been abducted by aliens and experimented ...[text shortened]... d. God has more important things to do than "Ho Ho Ho" at me plucking my nasal passage.
See.
2. Like.... whatever you say.
3. Surely God is allowed to have some fun too?
Anyway, as long as you can't braid your nasal hair into pigtails, I don't think you need to worry that much 😛