*"They have got to pass the cooking test and the swimsuit test."
I like those tests.
Deathbypawn, you seem kind of testosterone deficient. This is not attractive to women. Learn to be more manly in the superficial things. These are some of the things you said that stood out to me:
*"I have almost given up on myself as a hopeless romantic who has absolutly nothing to offer the opposite sex. I know what I am looking for but am afraid that I am destined to live a life of lonliness."
Man you sound desperate and totally undesireable. Don't project yourself this way.
*"My son is my world needless to say."
This is very good. Women like this.
*"run 5 times per week to stay in shape"
This is good.
*"I have never had and will never have washboard abs, it has never been my goal to be a muscle bound boso who cant tie his own shoes because his biceps are too big."
I wouldn't go out of my way to emphasize lack of abs. I definitely wouldn't insult those who have them. Don't hide the lack of abs, just don't bring it up.
*"I like I said before am a hopeless romantic"
This sounds suspiciously wimpy.
*"I can be described as a bit of a dreamer with my head in the clouds. But I dont lack ambition or drive. "
This kind of does too, but the ambition part is good.
*"Someone who is looking for a serious relationship that believe it or not is not based around sex."
Girls like guys who are masculine. This means they like sex. You sound like a limp ****ed kind of guy - wimpy - when you imply you aren't into sex.
*"Someone who will except me for who I am and love me for who I am."
This sounds needy, insecure, and like you are not someone a girl would want to get involved with.
I don't say these things to insult you, I say them to help you, because you asked. You need to find your inner manliness and become comfortable with it. You need to feel at home with it. Sometimes guys who are trying to be more masculine overdo it, and it's clear they aren't familiar with acting masculine or seeing themselves that way, and that's not good either.
Trust me. This will help a lot.
*Edit* I just looked at your later posts in this thread and they seem less wimpy.
How come you get so much tail yet feel you have nothing to offer women? That seems kind of inconsistent.
Originally posted by AThousandYoungI truly appreciate all of your comments. 1. I love sex but it is all my past relationships has been about. All I am saying is I am looking for more.
*"They have got to pass the cooking test and the swimsuit test."
I like those tests.
Deathbypawn, you seem kind of testosterone deficient. This is not attractive to women. Learn to be more manly in the superficial things. These are some of the things you said that stood out to me:
*"I have almost given up on myself as a hopeless romanti ...[text shortened]... you get so much tail yet feel you have nothing to offer women? That seems kind of inconsistent.
2. Lack testosterone...Well I grew up without a father or any other positive male role models so I have learned everything on my own, I am in touch with my feminine side which everyone has, I simply don't hide it.
3.I love sports baseball american football and everything else where I can consume mass quantities of Buffalo wings extra hot.
4. I am a hopeless romantic...that is who I am. I just want everything on the table when I approach a relationship. I want it to be about honesty. How can I pretend that I am something that I am not just to impress someone. I am not trying to change to impress anyone I am looking for some one who will love who I am love me for me not because I look like leonardo or the guy who played in fargo I think his name was steve.
Anyway I do appreciate your advice. I just want to be myself and be loved for being myself thats all
Originally posted by deathbypawnIf you want to be in a relationship because you are tired of being alone, then get a dog.
Is it asking too much to fall helplessly hopelessly completely totaly 100% head over heals in love with someone. This is what I want. This is what my desire is. The point could be made you are to busy with graduate work or to busy with teaching or to busy with your son to worry about finding someone and falling in love and getting married, but the simple ...[text shortened]... meone other than my son who I can live for...thats all and I dont think that is asking too much.
You aren't in the right head space for a serious relationship, because you are looking for a woman who will complete you. One thing that sucks about being completed by another person is that it means you weren't whole to begin with. Another thing that sucks is that it never works.
A new relationship may let you temporarily forget that there is this big hole inside you, but after the newness fades, you're left with you, the same you that was there before, all alone and incomplete. Do you want to know why all your recent relationships have crashed and burned so quickly? It's because you were one of the people in those relationships. I'd bet that the women you have tended recently to date have either been manic-depressive or borderline personality disorder, or both (but this is just a hunch).
Seriously, go see a good therapist. You need to figure out who you are. You need to figure out what it will take for you to find refuge in yourself. What you don't need, and what your son doesn't need, is for you to jump headlong into another doomed relationship.
Originally posted by bbarrBennett, that was very solid advice. The only thing I would add is that a dog is a good idea as women are often attracted to men who walk a puppy. But I hope he will take your advice and just go home with the dog.
If you want to be in a relationship because you are tired of being alone, then get a dog.
You aren't in the right head space for a serious relationship, because you are looking for a woman who will complete you. One thing that sucks about being completed by another person is that it means you weren't whole to begin with. Another thing that sucks is th ...[text shortened]... , and what your son doesn't need, is for you to jump headlong into another doomed relationship.
Originally posted by bbarrThanks for the words Bennitt. I assure you I am perfectly stable mentally and emotionally. Well maybe not perfectly but you get the point. I do have depresson issues which I will not hide and probably couldnt if I wanted to, but I dont think this is the root of the depression. I am not looking for a women to compleat me...just someone to spend good quality time with. Truly as a former freethinker you are at the very least able to understand where my want in this matter is coming from. I am not sure if it was Nietze(spelling?) who said love is a waste of time...but I believe him on certain days. Certain days I feel as though it is not worth the effort...but other days I feel as though it is one of the only things worth fighting for.
If you want to be in a relationship because you are tired of being alone, then get a dog.
You aren't in the right head space for a serious relationship, because you are looking for a woman who will complete you. One thing that sucks about being completed by another person is that it means you weren't whole to begin with. Another thing that sucks is th ...[text shortened]... , and what your son doesn't need, is for you to jump headlong into another doomed relationship.
This is the way I feel I know you are a philosophy guy so I will try and relate it to your field.
Refrence Plato's "An Allegory of a Cave." The first part of my life I was trapped in a cave and forced to look at shadows on the wall projected by the fires light. I understood that those shadows were being caused by the fire. A little later on I was moved away from the fire to another wall where again i saw shadows but there was no fire. So I had no perception of where the shadows were coming from. I managed to break free from my bondage and escape the cave and was totally blinded by this great yellow object in the sky. Could this have been making the shadows on the wall. Now I would have a new and fresh out look on life. DO I as a free man have the responsibility to return to the cave to tell the other prisoners what I have discovered and would they believe me would I alter their perception. Would I try to free them so they could experience the truth for themselves. Or would I explore this new world boldly and daringly with hope.
I guess what this is saying to me is I have been trapped in a cace for a very long time. I was forced to look at life in a very negative way. where the only source of light I had was my immediate friends and family. Then I was moved to a different location and I was able to meet new friends and new people and it widened my perception. But along came love which totally set me free from that bondage and allowed me to totally see the outside world for all its wonderful beauty. I have tasted love and been hurt...and now i am looking for love again and almost feel as though I am being forced back into the cave. I want to love and be loved. i want to be in the truth of this sunny perception that I have discovered. I know that it exists because i have seen it and felt it for myself. Perhaps now I am a prisoner to my wants.
Does this make me mental perhaps...another example of this is found in the story of flowers for algernon where this mentally retarded man slowly becomes smarter and smarter until he is the smartest man in the world. He goes about using his new found gift to help people. Suddenly he slowly begins to lose this gift and begins to regress back into his previous state...so he tries to find himself a cure to his "illness". He loses his gift but the knowledge is still there he just doesnt know how to express it. I was given a gift of love once upo a time...I was hurt and felt betrayed but Ihave healed I feel like I am going back to my old unlovable self. I know I have love within me and lovwe to share but I either dont know how to express it or I have forgotten how to express it or in my case have had no one to express it to.
I do trust that you are following my anaology at least a little bit. I dont think I am mental or anything but deffinetly a little crazy.
I await your response.
ROB
Originally posted by deathbypawnIf you've been loved and got hurt, whats to say it won't happen again? Love isn't a fairy tale. You're going to fight sometimes. Its not all butterflies and rainbows. And from what it seems, an angry lover is the last thing you need right now. Besides, a woman isn't going to complete you. You need to complete yourself before you get married.
Thanks for the words Bennitt. I assure you I am perfectly stable mentally and emotionally. Well maybe not perfectly but you get the point. I do have depresson issues which I will not hide and probably couldnt if I wanted to, but I dont think this is the root of the depression. I am not looking for a women to compleat me...just someone to spend good quali ...[text shortened]... nt think I am mental or anything but deffinetly a little crazy.
I await your response.
ROB
And I mean, you say that you want to love and be loved. You have a kid; and he loves you no matter what. Be grateful! Some people in this world don't have anyone to share with. Maybe you should just focus on your son for a while.
I'm going to join the chorus here, although there's even less need than usual because Bennett and Remora have said it all. Nonetheless, there's one sentence that sums it all up. It's an utter cliche, but it's one of those rare cliches that got that way because it is true.
Love yourself first.
That's all.