My cousin was in his house one night when he heard some voices coming over the baby monitor. They have the babies room above the garage near the back door to their house so they use the monitor to check the baby is OK when she is sleeping. There has also been a spate of burglaries in their neighbourhood so they think the worst. My cousin's wife calls the police and my cousin runs to the back of his house to check on the baby and find the burglars, closely followed by my uncle who was visiting them at the time.
Anyway, they get to the babies room and nobody is there, so they run to the backdoor to see if they can catch the burglars who they assume have got in by the backdoor. Sure enough the backdoor is open and there is a shifty looking fella there in the garden. He goes for my cousin. Unfortunately for him my cuz is built like a brick outhouse. My cousin doesn't ask any questions and starts pummelling this guy. By the time my uncle gets there my cuz is kicking the guy all around the backyard.
About this time the guy starts reaching into his pocket. "Christ - hes got a knife!" shouts my uncle. So my uncle runs over and grabs him, holding him down while my cousin lays into him. They are desparate for him not to get the knife out.
After the kicking of his life this guy does eventually pull his hand out of his pocket revealing - not a knife at all - but a police ID! My cuz and uncle have just beaten seven bells out of a copper!
It turns out that what has happened is this. Knowing that there are a lot of burglaries nearby the local CID have a regular undercover man who patrols the area. This guy just so happens to be in my cousins street near the front of his house when my cousins wife phones the police. He runs around the back to see if he can stop the burglars running out of the backdoor. He sees my cuz coming and dives on him.
The voices on the baby monitor turned out to be coming from the telly in the house next door. The monitor was faulty and was picking up ITV!
The copper was actually really cool about it especially considering the kicking he had just had. He thought my cuz was quite public spirited and didn't press charges.
While I can't say I ever actually enjoyed hurting anyone, there is indeed a certain degree of satisfaction in giving the stupid bully a lesson. I recall once such time. I remember this one fella who decided he needed to have a problem with me. Never mind the rational of it, he just plain wanted to have a fight, regardless.
Now then, in all of my unfortunate ( and unnecessary ) altercations I have always done my best not to needlesly hurt the individual that is attacking me. However, there have been a select few times in which the offender acted so dishonorable that I felt the need to take exception to this rule. In this particular case, the fella gave me no warning that he was going to get physical with me. Instead, he begins by coming up behind me and ripping my glasses off my face and tossing them away.
Big mistake.
Unfortunately for this genius, my stigmatism hinders my sight at a distance, not up close. So, Sherlock here immediately goes to try to sweep me (my guess is that he just took some karate lessons, especially in that his form was exceptionally poor). Here his lesson begins. With his pathetic sweep attempt, he learned what it's like for the boot of a 200lbs guy to come down on your knee. I can confirm the theory of this maneuver, with that my observations suggest that it was quite painful (audio data also confirms this theory).
Now then, a smart man might have said to himself about now, "Gee, this guy saw that move coming. Maybe removing his glasses didn't help my cause. Maybe that one month of karate lessons isn't enough to take this guy on." Unfortunately, this was not a smart man.
So, this guy stumbles up, hardly able to stand. The genius then proceeds to throw one of the worst straight punches at me that I've ever seen. Well, this did little but give him a first hand experience with an arm drag and a good shove to put him face first in the dirt. I have no idea what a mouth full of dirt tastes like. Perhaps I should have asked him.
Now then, a man of semi-average intelligence might have said to himself, "Gee, this guy read both of my moves and is kicking the crap out of me. Perhaps I should call it quits." Unfortunately, this was not a man of semi-average intelligence.
So, once again, the buffoon staggers up, now favoring his right leg AND arm. It is quite obvious that he's desperate now. If not by the sheer fact that he is even getting up, then definitely that his third attack was a rediculously wide hammer punch aimed at my head.
I must confess that I was getting a little impatient with this student. This was reflected in the fact that this time his efforst landed him (pardon the pun) an forarm block followed by a vortex throw. Now, I don't know if any of you have ever seen a vortex throw, but I can assure you that when executed properly the recipient would be wise to hold still untill the paramedics come. I doubt this guy stayed down because he was wise. Probably more to the effect that he was unconscious now.
Fortunately for him, he suffered no injuries that time wouldn't heal. Fortunately for me, I had a lot of witnesses. Regretfully, this guy continued to be kind of a bully all through my high school days. On the bright side though, he never ever fought dirty again. This might be highly due to that some time alter we talked and I told him that he would have saved himself a lot of pain if he hadn't pulled that stunt with my glasses.
Oh well, one lesson at a time I suppose. Atleast he improved a little....I guess. Bah, whatever! I hope something positive came out of that deal. If not, oh well, he got his atleast once and now I have a somewhat amusing tale to tell you all. Hope you enjoyed.
Best Regards (and apologies for my lack of time to spell check this),
Omnislash 😉