Time for a laugh...
An Arizona cowboy on holiday in Mexico stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking and roaming around. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The cowboy, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on vacation down here! Bring me an order!" The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."
- Joined
- 27 Mar 02
- Moves
- 418007
Here's a joke I heard in a bar one day:
A guy went to Lapland and decided to trek around nearby swamp area. A local man warned him not to got to the swamp because there lived swamp faggots. Guy thought this man just wanted to scare tourists and said there isn't such a thing as swamp faggot but the man just said 'You'll see!'
The guy started walking and came to the edge of the swamp. He hesitated for a while but decided to continue his travel despite the man's warning. He had taken only a few steps when he got stucked in the boghole. No matter how hard he tried to get his legs free he just sunk deeper. Guy started to scream for help when he was knee-deep in mud. Almost immediatly he saw a man walking towards him and was sure that he was saved. A man came next to him and said: 'I will pull you out of the boghole if you jerk me off'. Guy got furious and said 'Get lost you fucking swamp faggot' and continued his effort to break free.
More he tried more deeper he sunked so he started to scream for help again. Once again a man walked to him and said this time: 'I'll pull you out if you suck my cock'. Guy said: 'Bugger off you fucking swamp faggot' and yet tried to get off the hook by himself but nothing helped and after a while he was so deep in the hole he could hardly breath. He shouted for help and again he saw a man walking to the boghole. Because the guy was well on his way to drown he said 'I'll jerk you off or blow your cock or do whatever I must to if you just pull me out of here'. The man gazed at him for a while, said: 'fucking swamp faggot', and stamped his head below the surface...
Sorry about my language - maybe that didn't sound that bad in finnish...
🙄🙄
Today's offering:
A man is driving along a highway and sees a hare jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the hare jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the hare. Much to his dismay, the hare is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees the man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man about his problem. "I feel terrible," he explains "I accidentally hit this hare and killed it." The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead hare, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the hare.
The hare jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten metres away the hare stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another ten metres, turns and waves, hops another ten metres, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished. He naturally asks the woman, "What's in that can? What did you spray on that hare?"
The blonde woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.
It says........................................
(Are you ready for this?)
(You know you're going to be sorry.)
It says,
"Harmony Hair spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds a permanent wave."
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night,
the drunk led the way to his bedroom, where there was a big brass gong.
"What's the big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.
"Why, that's a talking clock," the man replied.
"A gong is a talking clock? How does it work?"
"Watch this," the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering hit with
the hammer. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,
"For God's sake, you Jack-butt, it's two o'clock in the morning!!"
a man walks up to a bartender and says "you see that glass over there on the counter? i'll bet you 300 dollars that i can piss into it from here without spilling a drop." the bartender laughs and says "you mean to tell me that you are gonna stand there and piss in that glass over there and not spill a single drop? son that glass is over 10 feet away. you are about to lose 300 dollars my stupid friend." with that, the man starts to piss. he starts pissing all over the counter, the barstools, the floor and walls. he even pissed all over the bartender. the bartender laughs and says "that was easiest 300 dollars i have ever made. not only did you lose the bet but you didnt get a single drop IN the glass! give me my money" the man looks at him with a grin and tells him that he will be right back. 5 minutes later he returns and gives the bartender 300 dollars still smiling. the bartender can't understand it and asks "why on earth are you so happy about losing 300 dollars?" the man replies with "you see those two gentleman over there at the pool table? well you see i just bet them 500 dollars a piece that i can piss on the counter, the stools, the wall and floor and even you and you would not be mad. in fact i bet them you would laugh about it!