I jumped over my brother on a bicyle (a chipper...which was the smaller, cheaper version of the Chopper) at the age of 10.
He was lying just after the ramp and I built up more speed than my wind-up evil kenevil doll and did the jump.
The problem was the ditch. We all forgot about the ditch. So, as I was flying over my brother I saw that if I landed I'd only have a few meters before I rode into the ditch. So I landed with the brakes on.
Flew arse over tit and smashed my face on the pavement (not the last time I'd be doing that by the way).
So, I run into the house, blood streaming down me like I'd just marched up Hamburger hill.
My mummy sat me at the sink to wipe my face clean and see what the damage was.
When she left to get the dettol (or whatever other stinging fluid she could get her grubby little hands on) I fell off the sink (well, slipped off it) and I tried to stop my falling by grabbing onto the closest thing I could....one of my father's cacti in front of the window (which was incidently behind the sink).
Me, the cactus, it's thorns and my blood all lay on the floor of the kitchen screaming.
When my mum found out that I'd jumped over my brother on my bicycle, I wasn't the only person screaming in that little kitchen in Eaglesham, Scotland...
As a 3yr old just got home with the shopping and proudly wearing my brand new Jumping Jacks (as seen on TV water proof) shoes. I had been in the back seat on my own in the taxi holding the fresh bread... nibble nibble all the way home....mmmmmm (Own up you lot have done this too!)
Oh heck what am I going to do, I've scoffed half the loaf and we are home...I'm dead meat. Get in the front door, I zoom up stairs, shove the rest of the bread of the bread in the toilet and get in after it. Stomp Stomp Stomp, Flush...
Mum calls from the kitchen..."Where's the bread Daniel"?
I don't know... I yell back. Foot steps on the stairs...panic stomp stomp flush... "What the hell are you doing boy"?
"Testing to see if my new shoes are water proof Mum."
"Where's the bread you silly boy?" As she lifts me from the loo. "I must of left it in the taxi" I instantly replied not realising I'm still holding a brown paper bag in one hand with mucky mucky dough dripping from my new jumping jack shoes....
Mum burst out laughing ..tears down her face... "You should look before you leap in the toilet next time Daniel."
True story... she still reminds me 44 years later.