So you don’t eat garlic the night before. You don’t eat onions, beans or lentils.
You don’t drink alcohol, coffee, tea or cola. You don’t smoke. In fact: you have 2 ham sandwiches at 6pm and then drink water for the rest of the evening, until you toothpick, floss and brush your teeth for the advised two minutes just before you go to bed at midnight.
Why, when you wake up, does it still taste like a rat’s died in your mouth?
This really bothers me. I lie awake at nights dreading waking up, because I don’t know if my lungs are rotting, my teeth are decaying or some giant spider’s got wedged between my tonsils and is fermenting as I snore.
I don’t need sleep bloody therapy! I want answers! That’s what I want.
And something else that bothers me is Hollywood films. How many romantic Hollywood films have you seen, and that the two new lovers wake up in the morning (after a good night’s worth of sex) and start snogging? How realistic is that?
These two people are suffering from death-breath; diseased pigeons smell nicer and decomposing road-kill tastes better. THEY’RE FOOLIN’ NOONE!!
And let’s be perfectly honest here…most times, not all, but MOST TIMES, you wake up next to a new lover, you’ve been out to a meal (that’s garlic), you’ve had a few drinks (that’s alcohol), you’ve finished the meal with an espresso (that’s coffee), one of the two’s had a smoke (law of statistics) and both of you have had your tongues in places where odours linger longer than usual (that’s good sex, by the way)…When you wake up your breath will be one of the seven layers of hell and even bloody Cerberus wouldn’t dare stick his tongue down your throat!
So why does Hollywood show them kissing? I reckon they think that we’re thinking: “Ohhhh…that’s sweet.”
No we’re not. We’re not thinking that at all. We’re (or I am anyways&hellip😉 thinking: “That is god-awfully disgusting! I’m glad I’m not him.”
No matter how jealous I am of any actor dating and shagging Drool Barrymore, as soon as I see them waking up and kissing, I’m glad I’m at home with my toothbrush, Paradontax and menthol shower gel.
I don’t want to sound neurotic here. I’m not.
And yes, when I do wake up next to a new lover, if she wants to kiss, I’ll kiss. But I am thinking: “Holy sweet Jesus…how am I gonna get outta this one!”
And that’s why men try to leave as fast as possible! It’s not that we don’t want breakfast, we just don’t want you trying to kiss us before peppermint time.
It might seem romantic, but kissing someone who tastes like a polluted puddle outside a nuclear reactor…well…it just isn’t!
And I’m sure most women are thinking the exact same: “My God…why didn’t he bugger off before I woke up? Now he’s gonna expect me to French him. EWWWWWWW.”
A second date is usually better. Then you just wake up and say: “Here’s some chewing gum love, you smell like a dog’s arse.”
But I digress. It’s obvious that if you’re out on a date (or a drinking binge, as my dates generally turn into) you’re going to wake up putrid and smelly. What I want to know is why, when you behave, you still wake up reeking out your mouth like a corpse in a swamp?
EDIT: The full title (which obviously didn't fit) is:
What’s with this bad breath in the morning malarkey?
Originally posted by shavixmirThe idea is to sleep with yr mouth shut my friend. That stops the hampsters and doremice making a nest in there and just befor dawn creeping back to their little hidaway behind the radiator, where they can get all hot a sweaty ready for the next night of fun and frolics inside the caverns of yr mouth.
So you don’t eat garlic the night before. You don’t eat onions, beans or lentils.
You don’t drink alcohol, coffee, tea or cola. You don’t smoke. In fact: you have 2 ham sandwiches at 6pm and then drink water for the rest of the evening, until you toothpick, floss and brush your teeth for the advised two minutes just before you go to bed at midnight.
...[text shortened]... (which obviously didn't fit) is:
[b]What’s with this bad breath in the morning malarkey?[/b]
This is exactly why St. Augustine (or somebody) decided that this life wasn't worth a pinch of coon crap and invented Heaven, Land of Eversweet Breath.
St. Augustine (or somebody) woke up next to a comely lass after a wild night and she kissed him, and he knew hell. She passed out.
The rest is History.
Originally posted by shavixmirGreat thread my friend! 🙂
So you don’t eat garlic the night before. You don’t eat onions, beans or lentils.
You don’t drink alcohol, coffee, tea or cola. You don’t smoke. In fact: you have 2 ham sandwiches at 6pm and then drink water for the rest of the evening, until you toothpick, floss and brush your teeth for the advised two minutes just before you go to bed at midnight.
...[text shortened]... (which obviously didn't fit) is:
[b]What’s with this bad breath in the morning malarkey?[/b]
But I would like to shed some light on the subject... Yes! The movies are full of it cause NOBODY wakes up and then talks to their partner within inches of their face. 😲 Heheh
However, I did discover something rather strange... yeah, it turns out that if the body is "nourished properly" and a person is not "taking in toxins", then guess what??? People don't have halitosis. Well, not that bad anyways... 🙂
Of course there are exceptions: People with gum disease, people who are sick, people who have put toxins in their bodies, and (as you mentioned) people who put bacteria in their mouths! <GASP!>
Speaking from experience, I can advise brushing and scraping your tongue. The process is likely to make you gag when first you attempt it and I would advise getting one of those special impliments for the job, but a clean tongue has put pay to 90% of the morning after breath problem. The remaining 10% can be rectified by drinking a lot of water to flush the garlic/redwine etc off your teeth and when with a new lover can I suggest waking early and going to the bathroom to have a quick rinse. Finally breathing through your nose instead of an open mouth is better for the retention of breath neutrality as an open mouth dries out your saliva and improves conditions for bacterial growth.
So to recap: Brush teeth, brush tongue, scrape tongue, drink water, sleep with mouth closed, rise early and rinse. There you have it, enjoy 🙂
Originally posted by StarrmanYes.
Speaking from experience, I can advise brushing and scraping your tongue. The process is likely to make you gag when first you attempt it and I would advise getting one of those special impliments for the job, but a clean tongue has put pay to 90% of the morning after breath problem. The remaining 10% can be rectified by drinking a lot of water to flush t ...[text shortened]... ngue, drink water, sleep with mouth closed, rise early and rinse. There you have it, enjoy 🙂
However, even if you remove 100% of one person's problem, when there are two of you, that's still only 50%.
And which side of that 50% would you prefer to be on!
Aha!
You know how that after exercise you continue to sweat for some time afterward? Even cool showers often don’t “take” leaving you a sweaty mess long after you’ve quit.
I’m guessing this is what’s happening to you Shav. I imagine that if you talk as prolifically as you write that your tongues metabolism continues to work away long after you’ve nodded off for the night. Your breath stinks in the morning because of tongue sweat. This is a well documented fact… look it up on Google if you don’t believe me.
The way I see it you have two choices.
1.You can have a good lick of an antiperspirant bar just before bed.
2.Rest your tongue for a good two hours just before sleeping. Try to keep your tongue absolutely still for a couple of hours before you hit the sack tonight and I’ll bet you’ll be amazed how fresh your mouth feels in the morning!
