WOW!! Where to begin? Some very serious changes in just a couple of short short days.
To start, I ended last month with a workman's comp covered knee surgery. while at that needing to move. Thankfully I am recovering very quickly from the surgery or those two alone would make for a very miserable experience.
but that's not all....
February 28th I get one of my daughters for visitation. My ex-wife has made it impossible to get my oldest 2 as she has found ways to poison them away from me. On Sunday March 2nd, my oldest and her mother have at it. My daughter gets awakened at 3:30am by a hair yank from her mother, and starts in on her over a cell phone. Now mind you, I believe a parent has the right to monitor any and all cell phone conversations, text messages, chats, and so on, but to literally wake any child with violence over one is just stupid.
Anyway I digress.....
The entire fight adds violence to where punches are thrown, My daughter gets strangled, scratched, and overall beat up pretty badly. Thankfully not needing medical treatment, but the evidence of the fight is all over her.
Yes the local police department was called. After a quick investigation, mom lands in jail, and the children are suddenly in my custody. I have filed a temporary restraining order, and made sure she isn't to have contact.
But that's still not all, and this is where I am sick at this whole situation.
It seems that this version of violent acts isn't a first. You see, my daughters, all three, aren't far away from being of the adult age. The ages are 17, 16 and 14. They have been made to fear their mom and step-dad (trust me, I use that term with an extremely bad taste in my mouth) for years and years. Both parental figures brainwashed my girls with such a great fear of losing everything, for so many years, that if they were to speak out they would suffer the most, the whole ugly truth has only now come to light.
All three girls have been used as rag-dolls meant to be thrown about the house whenever they did something wrong. Pushed to the ground, shoved, beaten, and intimidated for years and years. Sometimes over the stupidest of reasons. Reasons, no excuses.
My oldest has been beaten over not eating a second hamburger. Trust me when I tell you, none have a eating disorder, so forcing them to eat when they are full is ridiculous, but to beat them over it is worse.
My middle daughter received two black eyes, at the same time. One from each parent, over what they think was a lie. Not a major somebody killed or maimed, but a kids lie. I'm not even sure if it was a lie or not, but two black eyes. Then went the extra steps and called the local police department on my oldest daughter and made her take the blame for this beating. After all a minor won't have to face felony child abuse over a sibling fight.
What makes it worse is that my oldest then got in trouble with me and was scolded by many members of my family for an incident she never did.
Head lice. I can't count the amount of times I have had to battle this one. My youngest was checking her own hair before she came to visit so that way I wouldn't be made aware if it. My oldest was infested to the point that only losing most of her hair would solve this. (Please bare in mind I hadn't seen my oldest child but 3 times in 3 years. I am always told she is needed to babysit her 7 year old sister on weekends.) the abuse continues.
With all of this, my daughters were so afraid to speak the truth to me or anyone else, that I was literally left in the dark over all of this. Other than the two sets of black eyes, one in which was covered by the entire family, I had no clue. No bruises were ever shown nor seen, and as mentioned before the girls were terrified to speak out.
My three teenage daughters slept in the smallest room in the house. The door was locked on the outside once they were put in there. If any of them had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, they would have to knock and wait until someone woke up to let them out.
They had scheduled showers. every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Three girls with monthly cycles only allowed to shower three times a week.
Make-up, dresses, skirts, nice clothes and so on, were strictly forbidden.
Heavy large items thrown about to hit my kids.
Anyway Now I have all three. Mom tried to contact them and myself right after she was released, in which I told her outright that she is to have no contact whatsoever with them or myself. What I truly wanted to say would have been far far worse. I needed to show I was better than that. Not that I really ever wanted to. It is taking a lot out of me not to go and just beat the two of them the way they beat my daughters. March 16th is the court hearing. Obviously I am going after full custody, and if I have my way, with no rights given to their mother, or her husband.
Just a note. this forum is being used right now as a sounding board, by me, and nothing more. If you wish to place a comment here, go ahead. it's not like I am going to be able to stop you anyway. Just know I am not happy at all that my daughters went through this. I feel sick I didn't see it sooner, and trust me I would have stopped it back then if I had known.
Originally posted by KJCavalierLet the healing begin.
WOW!! Where to begin? Some very serious changes in just a couple of short short days.
To start, I ended last month with a workman's comp covered knee surgery. while at that needing to move. Thankfully I am recovering very quickly from the surgery or those two alone would make for a very miserable experience.
but that's not all....
February 28th ...[text shortened]... idn't see it sooner, and trust me I would have stopped it back then if I had known.
I just recently finished getting divorced from a woman who was more than happy to get violent with me and occasionally even with my daughter, who is 4 1/2 now. In spite of the fact that I had ample evidence of this (discussions with our marital counselor, photographs of bruises on me, my diary and even a police report) the courts decided to leave my daughter with her, stating that there was ample evidence of abuse against me but no proof that she was currently abusing my daughter. Unfortunately the US courts are always more than happy to look the other way in order to continue their bias of leaving children with mothers.
Even while the divorce was ongoing, my daughter was telling me that her mother was teaching her not to talk to me about anything that was bothering her, and also telling me that her mother was forcing her into cold showers for "not listening".
I've purchased a cell phone for my daughter so that she can call me. I've received only one 2 1/2 minute phone in the last month. When I see her on visitations she tells me that her mother won't let her call me because it wastes the batteries on the phone.
I know an awful lot about how you feel, KJ. It's pretty overwhelming. The most important thing though is to continue doing the best that you can for your children. They have been through an awful lot and no doubt will be very traumatized. Some time with a professional counselor may help.
Also they've been trained to deal with problems with physical abuse. They will likely abuse their own children now and others around them, unless you can somehow break this cycle (my ex's mother is abusive also, and I'm guessing her mother was, and so forth). Make absolutely certain that you model much better behaviors around them. And hopefully counseling can help. Another thing that might help is testifying against their mother and sending that evil Bitch off to the penitentiary... ...if you can do anything to encourage that to happen I would certainly think it would be a hell of a good idea.
Originally posted by KJCavalierwow, that's just so wrong... but I've seen it happen before. I hope it all gets officially finalized soon and you can start healing your daughters.
WOW!! Where to begin? Some very serious changes in just a couple of short short days.
To start, I ended last month with a workman's comp covered knee surgery. while at that needing to move. Thankfully I am recovering very quickly from the surgery or those two alone would make for a very miserable experience.
but that's not all....
February 28th ...[text shortened]... idn't see it sooner, and trust me I would have stopped it back then if I had known.
and like leisurelysloth said, the hurting tends to last over generations if not dealt with, so it's definitely a thing to work on. but first things first.
I also agree with you that it's important to refrain from getting back at the abusers, as there's nothing good coming out of that. they wouldn't 'learn' anyhing, just get worse, and you'd be sucked into all the bad stuff as well. which would leave your daughters still unable to escape it all.
just cut it all off, and leave the rot behind. turn over a new brighter leaf for you and your daughters. good luck!
Originally posted by KJCavalierYour poor daughters. I'm so glad they are with you now. You sound like caring and compassionate father and you will do what you can to help them recover. I know it's awful to feel like that knowing someone hurt your kids, and worst of all, their mother. Do your best and good luck with court.
WOW!! Where to begin? Some very serious changes in just a couple of short short days.
To start, I ended last month with a workman's comp covered knee surgery. while at that needing to move. Thankfully I am recovering very quickly from the surgery or those two alone would make for a very miserable experience.
but that's not all....
February 28th ...[text shortened]... idn't see it sooner, and trust me I would have stopped it back then if I had known.
Originally posted by wormwoodNot so sure about that one.... It's not just about the abusers. If the kids were very young then maybe the best thing would be just to "put it behind them". But in this case they are all teenagers. They are not going to just forget about this. They will remember it and take life-lessons from it. So what is the lesson that they will take from it? That their tormentors skate and nothing happens to them? Or that actions have consequences and that the criminal abusers will pay dearly for what they did to them? It seems to me that in this case it's best for the kids to go after the abusers with both barrels. It's also the best thing for society as a whole, because that way the abusers end up with a permanent record which will stick to them WHEN (not if) they do this again.
...I also agree with you that it's important to refrain from getting back at the abusers, as there's nothing good coming out of that. they wouldn't 'learn' anyhing, just get worse, and you'd be sucked into all the bad stuff as well. which would leave your daughters still unable to escape it all.
Originally posted by KJCavalierThis is such a sad story. I hope you get full custody and the assurance that
March 16th is the court hearing. Obviously I am going after full custody, and if I have my way, with no rights given to their mother, or her husband.
their mother and step-dad can't get anywhere near them. They really
should be put in jail for child abuse though.
Thanks for the support everyone. It's really appreciated.
Just want to add a thought here. Going after the abusers especially in this case, in a vendetta/vigilantly style of attack sinks me to their level. Letting justice prevail. and it will prevail this time, I will show them that I am the better man, the bigger man. I need to show my children that vengeance isn't the way, but rather justice. This is the lesson I need to teach now.
Originally posted by leisurelyslothI would agree with you leasurely, the kids are old enough, if they don't see there is a consequence for their mother's behavior, they are apt to treat their children the same way.
Not so sure about that one.... It's not just about the abusers. If the kids were very young then maybe the best thing would be just to "put it behind them". But in this case they are all teenagers. They are not going to just forget about this. They will remember it and take life-lessons from it. So what is the lesson that they will take from it? ...[text shortened]... s end up with a permanent record which will stick to them WHEN (not if) they do this again.
Even if they have a positive role model, like their father, it is still a pretty big possibility.
Good luck KJ....the situation is sickening to any parent out there....
Originally posted by KJCavalierAmen to that one, KJ. Hopefully the slow-moving gears of our justice system grind them up and spit out little pieces.
Thanks for the support everyone. It's really appreciated.
Just want to add a thought here. Going after the abusers especially in this case, in a vendetta/vigilantly style of attack sinks me to their level. Letting justice prevail. and it will prevail this time, I will show them that I am the better man, the bigger man. I need to show my children that vengeance isn't the way, but rather justice. This is the lesson I need to teach now.
Originally posted by KJCavalierI totally agree with you there. I wonder what's going on in the mind of people like your ex-wife. It's completely unimaginable for me, which I should probably be glad about. Good luck with the hearing, and all the best to you and your daughters!
Just want to add a thought here. Going after the abusers especially in this case, in a vendetta/vigilantly style of attack sinks me to their level. Letting justice prevail. and it will prevail this time, I will show them that I am the better man, the bigger man. I need to show my children that vengeance isn't the way, but rather justice. This is the lesson I need to teach now.
Originally posted by KJCavalierJust wanted to add my voice to all those hoping for the best for you and your girls and that the hearing turns out as you need it to.
Thanks for the support everyone. It's really appreciated.
Just want to add a thought here. Going after the abusers especially in this case, in a vendetta/vigilantly style of attack sinks me to their level. Letting justice prevail. and it will prevail this time, I will show them that I am the better man, the bigger man. I need to show my children that vengeance isn't the way, but rather justice. This is the lesson I need to teach now.