Puns and One-liners

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble tiles ~ next time I go to the toilet it could spell disaster...

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

A good pun is its own reword.

@orangutan said
A good pun is its own reword.

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!

-VR

between dystopia and utopia lies thistopia

i told them i didn't want to be psychoanalyzed
they called me a freudy cat

Speaking of cats...

The wife told me the cat had to be chipped.
I only have a nine iron but I still got it over the shed.

@divegeester said
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble tiles ~ next time I go to the toilet it could spell disaster...

I was discussing The Queen’s Gambit with my pal Pavel.
He’s my Czech mate.

Purple is my least favourite colour, I dislike it more than red and blue put together...

I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80s bands.

There is no cure!

Ah 2020...

I remember it as if it were yesterday

During the Bubonic Plague, people consoled themselves by saying f*** 1346 and bring on 1347.

Apparently owls do not mate when it's raining because it's too-wet-to-woo.