Humor Thread?

Originally posted by nmdavidb
Okay...since I am sick of this and have tried to deal with you sooo many times and yes your little needling has finally gotten to me...and apart from my better judgement and the mod's advice of not even answering you I will break this down...so you might see yourself in a better mirror than the one at your mom's house

Sociopath: There are ten general
s ...[text shortened]... post to you.

Forum mods i am sorry and will take whatever punishment I am due.

Dave

NICE DAVE, NICE!😀 rec'd

Originally posted by nmdavidb
Okay...since I am sick of this and have tried to deal with you sooo many times and yes your little needling has finally gotten to me...and apart from my better judgement and the mod's advice of not even answering you I will break this down...so you might see yourself in a better mirror than the one at your mom's house

Sociopath: There are ten general
s ...[text shortened]... post to you.

Forum mods i am sorry and will take whatever punishment I am due.

Dave

Humourous, sad and true.

Originally posted by nmdavidb
Okay...since I am sick of this and have tried to deal with you sooo many times and yes your little needling has finally gotten to me...and apart from my better judgement and the mod's advice of not even answering you I will break this down...so you might see yourself in a better mirror than the one at your mom's house

Sociopath: There are ten general
s ...[text shortened]... post to you.

Forum mods i am sorry and will take whatever punishment I am due.

Dave

Pathetic from someone who pretends to be a 1000 points higher rated from what he ever earned. http://main.uschess.org/assets/msa_joomla/XtblMain.php?199611234580.2-12667515

I can't even speculate on why you are a such a embarrassing fraud and a compulsive liar. You do seem to project a lot. But I doubt if your games will survive here very long.

Originally posted by caissad4
Humourous, sad and true.

It's too bad that a fine player and a good person has fallen for such lies. I know it will be only a temporary lapse of judgement, caissad.

Originally posted by nmdavidb
Okay...since I am sick of this and have tried to deal with you sooo many times and yes your little needling has finally gotten to me...and apart from my better judgement and the mod's advice of not even answering you I will break this down...so you might see yourself in a better mirror than the one at your mom's house

Sociopath: There are ten general
s post to you.

Forum mods i am sorry and will take whatever punishment I am due.

Dave

I would also ask the Mods to stop protecting this liar and fraud; if he is allowed to make a post full of lies I do not see why I cannot post his games where he has obviously tanked them to the detriment of his clan. Let's get some fair play on the forums no matter who this idiot was buddies with long ago.

http://www.timeforchess.com/gameanalysis/boardhistory.php?gameid=4673518

Originally posted by no1marauder
Pathetic from someone who pretends to be a 1000 points higher rated from what he ever earned. http://main.uschess.org/assets/msa_joomla/XtblMain.php?199611234580.2-12667515

I can't even speculate on why you are a such a embarrassing fraud and a compulsive liar. You do seem to project a lot. But I doubt if your games will survive here very long.

I don't get it...

First, quoted from the page you link to; "The ratings shown on this page are not official published ratings and may change from time to time. Using them for pairing purposes in tournaments should only be done if this has been advertised in all advance publicity and is announced to all players at the tournament."

I don't know which person is supposed to be Dave, but does the quoted section not allow his rating to be drastically different from what is shown?

Also quote from the page you link to; "Section Date(s) 1996-11-23"

Even if one of the three ratings given for a player named Dave are true, is it not possible to improve over a 12 year period? I'd hope that after playing chess for 12 years, I'd improve quite substantially.

A look at your ratings graph shows an improvement of 300-400 points over the last 4 years. Spread across 12 years, I see no reason why it couldn't improve by 1000 or more points.

I suppose the point is that I don't see how the link you provided is some sort of proof that Dave's rating is 1000 points higher than what he's earned.

Originally posted by cashthetrash
Kind of remind you of a fish flopping around in the sand when taken out of the water doesn't it.

Does anyone else hear Faith No More's "You Want it All, But You Can't Have It" playing in the background or is it just me?

Originally posted by coquette
Sorry, I actually meant to recommend a humor FORUM!

Coquette, after reading this I think you've gotten your humor thread you wanted. 😀

Originally posted by Fat mans revenge
I don't get it...

First, quoted from the page you link to; "The ratings shown on this page are not official published ratings and may change from time to time. Using them for pairing purposes in tournaments should only be done if this has been advertised in all advance publicity and is announced to all players at the tournament."

I don't know ...[text shortened]... s some sort of proof that Dave's rating is 1000 points higher than what he's earned.

Sorry you don't understand USCF crosstables.

Player 12 in the U1600 is our "National Master". Click on his name and you'll get his full tournament history. He did improve; all the way up to a 1218 USCF rating. Since that's not good enough for his massive ego, he simply added a 1000 points to it and then claimed to be a "National Master".

Get it now?

Originally posted by vacostner
Coquette, after reading this I think you've gotten your humor thread you wanted. 😀

Here's a humorous story from nmdavidb (when he was the user name Schliemann):

27 Aug '02 23:00 :: 0 recommendations
Suddenly the forums are less due to my not being here on constant
basis? Puhhhlllleasssee! I never contributed that much...more or less
just some true facts when it comes to chess and some dumb stories
here and there.

But John if you are in withdrawal I will see what I can't cook up for ya
here.

Ahhh...told this story to Tony awhile back...hope you all get a kick out
of it.

Weekend tourney in Greenvile SC...we all headed down (The Rock Hill
Chess Club) and was hoping for a good turn out. And for such a
crappy venue and miniscule prize fund there were quite a few people.
I of course was playing in the open and scored 2 1/2 out of 5...losing
to two juniors one being Mr. Brent Bovay...this huge pork rind eating
16 year old that always left the pieces greasy after he touched them.
But an awesome player nonetheless and to some other kid who came
in from Georgia (why?? who knows...but he was a ringer...won the
whole thing). Okay...but this was to be Dave vs the Juniors tourney...I
got a draw from a 2000 player and was feeling good...that was in the
first round...after the next two crushing losses...which I mentioned a
weird situation arose.

A 1900 player had both of his sons, who were not all that great and
should have been playing in the Under 1200 division, playing in the
open. And sure as crap I got the first in the 4th and the other in the
last round.

4th round went ok...crushed him like a bug...said good game and
waited for the last round...when I saw that I had the brother I was
like...oh well...I knew I was out of the money so at least to finish even
would be nice.

So we start playing...and on about the fifth move I look up at the kid
and he is making these absolutely stupid faces at me. I stare at him
for about a minute wondering what in the hell is wrong with him. My
staring made no impact...he just kept on doing it. So I tried to keep
from looking at him. Then I sacrificed a pawn for the initiative and he
jumps up...snatches it off the board...drops to one knee...Elvis
style...and starts pumping his right arm back in forth (with my pawn in
it) like some maniacal end zone celebration.

So at this point I am sitting in disbelief that this kid is actually acting
like this at a chess tournament...I mean I was mad...but just shocked
as well.

Ok...back to the game...so I am working my position well...we trade
some pawns (and yes EVERY thing that he took off the board was
given that Hunka Hunka Hunka Honky Love Dance that I
mentioned)...and I finally see the break through..if I could get him to
bite on a knight and then a pawn then it was mate in three...so I
shrugged my shoulders and sacked the knight...he schnooked it and
went over and high fived his dad...and when he got back I just shook
my head and sacked the pawn...he grabbed it and went back for a
double high five from his dad.

At this point...Dave became immature...we were one of the last games
going and I had had it!!!

He was still over high fiving when I slammed a rook down as hard as I
could and screamed "CHECK!!!!" and slammed the clock!...he walks
back all sheepishly...slowly moves his king (of course all eyes were on
us at this point...hell they had been most of the game due to this
kid's idiotic antics) and hits the clock very slowly...I stood up...grabbed
my other rook...slammed it down and screamed right at
him "CHECK!!!"...now everyone just stopped to see what the hell was
up....once again...he slowly moved his king and then I slowly moved
my queen in and looked at him and said very quietly "Mate"...shoved
all the pieces over...and headed across the street to the 7/11 and got
a beer.

Afterwards so many people couldn't believe I held out that long before
i freaked...hehehehe.

A screwed up chess story for all of you missing Dave.

Dave


Now go here: http://main.uschess.org/component/option,com_wrapper/Itemid,201/

Search for Greenville County G/60 and when you get it, look up the U1600 and check who player #18 and #20 play in the last two rounds. An 896 rated player who happens to have the name David B.

Look in the Open Section: First, is a player named Jones the same last name as players #18 and #20 in the U1600. Finishing 2nd in the Open is .......... Mr. Brent Bovay.

Originally posted by nmdavidb
Good story!!!

I liked it!

Dave

So did I. I'm sure it's mostly lies (as is your wont) but there is enough truth in there to show what a fraud you are.

Originally posted by no1marauder
Sorry you don't understand USCF crosstables.

Player 12 in the U1600 is our "National Master". Click on his name and you'll get his full tournament history. He did improve; all the way up to a 1218 USCF rating. Since that's not good enough for his massive ego, he simply added a 1000 points to it and then claimed to be a "National Master".

Get it now?

So all of this bickering stems from him calling himself a national master?

Talk about petty...