And this is why you never walk past a Charity Shop.
Three Sgt. Bilko DVD’s, 16 episodes in all and including ‘The Twitch.’ 50p each!
‘The Twitch; to Bilko fans is the dead parrot sketch to Monty Python fans.
Once seen you never forget it and laugh out load even thinking about it.
Synopsis.
A lady lecturer has a twitch so Bilko runs a gambling book on how many times
she twitches during a lecture. Units from all over the world who have seen her
are placing bets for $100’s and Bilko sets up a world wide radio commentary.
Bilko counting the twitches.
Of course you would never get away with this these days, but it’s done tastefully
and Colonel Hall even suggests to Bilko he should be ashamed of himself for
running a betting book on a twitch. but Bilko is off looking for more twitchers!
The one liner are hilarious but the best one comes from Fender at the end
of the lecture. He faces the camera and shouts: “25! A new indoor record! “
Black to play (not a misprint, it is Black to play)
(a) What does White play if 1...g1 = Bishop or a Knight?
(b) What does White play if 1...g1 = a Rook
(c) What does White play if 1...g1 = a Queen.
2. Qd1 mate
2. Qb5+ Qxb5 stalemate
2.Qd1+ Qxd1 Stalemate. Not 2. Qb5+ Kc2 is 0-1
Normally I give three puzzles, that is three puzzles in one, so moving on...
I. Nepomniachtchi - A. Giri Sinquefield Cup, Rd3. 2024
This game is currently hot. You get the same method I’ve been using for the
50+ years. So no computer vomit. I ran through it twice, took a note here and
there, remembered a few key moments and dived in noting it up as I go along.
As a part time coach for basic students games like this are no good for showing
the opening principles. By move twelve Nepo has moved every one of pawns.
1. d4 Nf6 2. c4 e6 3. Nc3 Bb4 4. e3 O-O 5. a3 {I always grumble about this move in this position. I know it is theory but I still grumble.} 5... Bxc3+ {Black was always going to play this so why encourages it....but see note after move 11} 6. bxc3 d6 7. f3 Nc6 8. e4 {Of course I looked at 8...Nxe4 and 5...Qh4+ it does not go anywhere decisive.} 8... Qe8 {But 8....Nh4 with Qh4+ ideas was a possibly try.} 9. h4 {Game on! Apparently Nepo had looked at these ideas when preparing for his match v Ding Liren.} 9... b6 10. h5 {Whites 9th pawn move in 10 moves and the g-pawn is on the starting block ready to launch as well.} 10... Ba6 11. Ra2 {Ah ha. No more grumbling about a2-a3. The Rook is going to swing over to the Kingside.} 11... Na5 12. g4 {All white pawns have moved by move 12... A new indoor GM record!} 12... Qc6 {Giri is playing his part by planting Nxe4 and Qxc3+ ideas.} 13. Rg2 {Yes, no doubt about it, I'm a 5.a2-a3 man from now on. White's position looks full of ideas.} 13... Bxc4 14. Bxc4 Qxc4 15. Ne2 Nd7 {Not waiting for g5. Black needs a pawn push in the centre to get active.} 16. g5 {Nepo is committed Black has to find the best pawn break.} 16... e5 {Looks best. A Hindsight move is bringing the a5 Knight into the game with 16...Nb3.} 17. g6 fxg6 18. hxg6 {18....h6 19.Bxh6 gxh6 20 Qd2 White wins. That is why I liked 16...Nb3 going for the c1 Bishop.} 18... Rxf3 {Black pockets another pawn. Game reaching the critical stage.} 19. gxh7+ {19.Rxh7 with Rgh2 in mind stumbles due to 19...Nf8.} 19... Kh8 {The Black King looks safe, White can never sac on h7 to get at it.} 20. Rhg1 {So the target is g7.} 20... Rf7 21. Bh6 {No time to hastate, the Bishop has to be taken. 16...Nb3 going for the c1 Bishop looks like a missed shot.} 21... gxh6 22. Rg8+ Kxh7 23. Rxa8 {White is the exchange up for two pawns. Hard to call. There are chances for both sides.} 23... Nf6 {Looks OK Stops Ra8-g8. Nepo keeps the pot boiling with a trick shot.} 24. dxe5 {if dxe5 Qd8 mates White fairly quickly.} 24... Nxe4 {This move walks into a wonderful idea which possibly Giri saw but misjudged.} 25. Qc1 {First the two move trick which I hope you all saw. Rh8+ and Qxh6+} 25... Ng5 26. Rxg5 {26....hxg5 26.Qxg5 White wins, but this move...} 26... Qh4+ {...seems to keep White at bay.} 27. Rg3 Qh1+ 28. Rg1 Qxa8 {It's not over White gets in before Black has a chance to re-group their pieces.} 29. Qc2+ Kh8 30. Qg6 {It's over. The Queen, Rook, e5 pawn and even the Knight all join in.} 30... Qf8 31. e6 Re7 32. Rh1 Rh7 33. Rf1 {I've no idea of the time situation, but this is close to resignable at the top level.} 33... Qd8 34. Rf7 {34....Qh4+ leads nowhere. 34...Qg8 and White chops twice on h7 and the e-pawn promotes.} 34... Rxf7 35. exf7 Qf8 36. Qf6+ Kh7 37. Nf4 {With 38.Qg6+ or Ne6 coming Black resigned.}
Of course moving every pawn on or before move 12 is nothing compared
to my new Red Hot Pawn Hero, Arayn who between 2008 and 2024 has
managed to move all eight pawns by move 8! on numerous occasions.
In fact games where he has moved nothing but pawns for the first 12 moves
currently number 698 returning the statistics: Won 264. Drew. 12 Lost 422.
Here is a recent win. All pawn moved then the first piece developed is a Queen!
Arayn - flyingcod, RHP 2024
1. e4 e5 2. h4 Nc6 3. a4 a5 4. c3 Nf6 5. d3 Be7 6. g4 h6 7. f3 d6 8. b3 {Eight moves - all with pawns. Not a new indoor record for Arayn.} 8... O-O 9. g5 hxg5 10. hxg5 Nh7 11. f4 g6 12. f5 gxf5 {Black is in trouble here... They have underestimated the White pawn storm.} 13. Qh5 {The first none pawn move and White threatens mate in one.} 13... Nxg5 {Mate next move was unavoidable.} 14. Qh8 {Checkmate.}
