Originally posted by Hand of HecateLikewise, though I'm sure yours is actually best left down their.
Its constructive commentary I'll have you know. I'm aghast that Percival and other literary turds have floated to the surface whilst my masterpeice has settled to the bottom of the bowl.
Originally posted by StarrmanIn future, the judges should be prequalified as having at least a modicum of taste and good judgement. Apparently, leaving the judging to unwashed riff-raff is yield us the lowest common denominator of submittals.
Likewise, though I'm sure yours is actually best left down their.
Originally posted by Bosse de NageBite me.
Vote, cretin.
It takes time to read them all through properly and I can't be expected to attend to each of them with due care in the same sitting. I have the attention span of a goldfish.
I'll vote tomorrow, when I've finally got through them.
My reviews and top 3:
An affair: Present and Future
I think the line: "passive and trembling with a pregnant fury" sums it up nicely: blathering rubbish. "Trembling with a menstrual fury" is closer to home.
I have no problem with ellaborate writing, but it should reflect known truths, otherwise it's dawdel (if that's actually a word).
The M's, L's and what-nots made me lose track of whatever was being said as well.
3 out of 10
Unleashed
Very Plato-esque, not sure what to think of it.
It does read well aloud.
7 out of 10
Dealer's choice
I think I missed something.
I have no idea what's going on.
5 out of 10
The hungry hand of God
It's not suicide the protagonist needs, but a medal.
Anybody out shooting bankers gets my vote!
And a good read too.
8 out of 10
Edgar's night class
Way over the 500 words. Didn't rate.
Sorry.
Blight
Excellent.
I could picture myself in that church wondering if Jesus would accept people who swear a lot into heaven.
Some of the sentences were a little long (26 words in one sentence is pushing it). And it was 75 words over the limit.
Perhaps the whole introduction was unneccesary?
8 out of 10
Entertaining Saint Jude
"She smelled like green wind and dark, rich earth"
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
I thought this one started out very promising. But it seemed to sag into nothingness.
It did loop the begin and the end though.
7 out of 10
Percival the Sandwich
He was very plain; a little butter: That's not very plain. That's a little buttered.
Sort of a Piglet-like-tale this one (or is that a Piglet-like-tail?).
I was disappointed with the ending. I was hoping that the sensation of being eaten would turn out to be nasty.
7 out of 10
500 words
Funny, amusing, great prose, original... and actually written within 14 minutes.
Pity the moron used his own name in it and therefor broke the rules.
Unrated
Cipela (Shoe)
What? I think a tale about shoe fetishism should be a little more risquee. And if it's not about a fetishism, I have no idea what it is about. I also found it hard to read. Perhaps this is due to the way sentences drag out on the forum?
4 out of 10
Return journey
The first sentence is 47 words long. 13% of the essay. Does the writer think himself Proust?
It didn't make sense to me (am I drunk this morning or something? It seems a lot is going over my poor little noggin). It seems like a blur of beautifully constructed words without much of a context or meaning.
I own a VW though, so...
6 out of 10
Slime
Excellent.
Well constructed, nice prose and there's nothing like an ending finishing where the begin began off.
10 out of 10
Midnight special
Is this from the same writer as "return journey"?
Again a blur of brilliantly written phrases and coloured descriptions with absolutely no apparant meaning. Better though.
7 out of 10
The interview
Very interesting.
Am I to presume here that Lincoln staged his own demise; a PR stunt? Pretty good.
9 out of 10
Untitled
There's something about the style I enjoyed; the staccatto summary of
events. However, I found the end way overdone and melodramatic.
7 out of 10
Writer's block
The key to writing is writing. Not worrying about things.
I'm not sure if the writer knows this and was pointing out the excuses the protagonist is making for himself, or if the writer couldn't think of something good to write and just described his own actions.
Hard to see the quality is...
I'll settle with a 7 out of 10. I think.
Maybe an 8.
No, A 7 it is.
Bits and pieces
It's certainly not a style I can stomach very well.
The whole meandering: "Glimpses of thoughts, feelings... then gone again" aimlessness of it.
Putting that aside, the end doesn't link up to the beginning. I think it would have been better if it started with the last sentence (and didn't finish on it).
Some of the rythem is good, some is missing the odd syllable.
It did have something small and personal to it though...
7 out of 10
Metal Detecting Dad's Head
Although the prose is attrocious, I did like the story.
Ginny? Who'd name their bloody daughter Ginny?
I think a sentence describing your sister as: "She was my father's daughter." is very cohesive writing. Either she's like the father or the protagonist is not the father's son. Interesting.
8 out of 10
Burnt toast
A lot like A clockwork orange, without the elaborate style. Or so it reminded me.
Pretty depressing stuff.
I'm not sure that the explanation of "driving on by" was needed. That sort of detracted from the picture painted in so few words.
9 out of 10
Two Letter Lipo_ram
It's a pity it's difficult reading this.
There's a definite style which you don't get until near the end. I had to re-read it. That's a good thing, I presume.
Obviously I would have loved dad to have been eaten, but that would have been so... so... so obvious (can't think of a better word).
9 out of 10
My top picks are:
Some pretty good stuff up there.
I read everything at five in the morning (well, it's quarter to seven now), so that might have influenced my opinions (or in some cases contributed to me not understanding things).
1. Slime
2. Two Letter Lipo_ram
3. The interview
My votes:
1. Slime
2. Metal Detecting Dad's Head
3. Bits and Pieces
I liked one that was far beyond the limit so I didn't choose it. I also liked various lines from stories that I didn't vote for, such as "like a little kid digging for buried treasure under a Christmas tree on Christmas morning" from Edgar's Night Class and "She smelled like green wind and dark, rich earth." from Entertaining Saint Jude.
Originally posted by Biffer SpiceI totally agree with your assessment on number one!
kept my votes to pieces 500 words or less.
1) Bits And Pieces - very good but last line wasn't necessary (think someone else has said this too). or maybe his dead body should have been the last piece.
2) Writer's Block - the line about "was it a manuscript - couldn't be, it was only two lines", or something like that, made me laugh
3) Return Journ ...[text shortened]... stand this, but it kept my attention more than the others, and had some nice phrases to it
I've already voted. Thought I'd join in with some thoughts on some of the works.
Bits and Pieces 9/10
Although the end was telegraphed, I really enjoyed the imagery and emotions that the story evoked
Percival the Sandwich 8/10
Vividly told. I was also hoping for some kind of evil twist at the end...
The Hungry Hand of God 8/10
Excellent narration, but I didn't quite get the motivation.
Entertaining St Jude 8/10
A well told story. Just not very exciting.
Blight 7/10
A decent effort, but the second paragraph spoon feeds the reader. Should have been edited out as it's totally unnecessary.
Midnight Special 7/10
Extremely well written. I just wish I knew what the hell was being written.
The Interview 7/10
Interesting story idea, but excessive use of Lincoln's famous quotes makes the dialog between the characters seem stilted and unnatural.
500 words 6/10
Flimsy, disposable, yet mildly amusing.
Metal Detecting Dad's Head 6/10
Fun concept, but the narration is way too loose and rambling.
One idea, one sentence...
Dealer's Choice 5/10
Too much dialog, not enough story, and it all seemed rather mundane.
Return Journey 5/10
Okay, but I desperately needed a reason to care.
An affair: Present and Future 4/10
It was just so F. annoying to R.
Two Letter Lipo_ram 4/10
A lot of effort to went into writing this. An Interesting exercise but a tortuous result.