06 Aug 21
@vivify saidThere's a line from the movie "When Harry Met Sally" where one of the characters says that men and women can never be *just* friends; the "sex thing" always gets in the way. Is there any truth to this?
There's a line from the movie "When Harry Met Sally" where one of the characters says that men and women can never be *just* friends; the "sex thing" always gets in the way.
Is there any truth to this?
How many people here hang out with a member of the opposite sex (not counting family) just like they would with a friend of the same gender?
I don't often see wom ...[text shortened]... aracter said, the "sex thing would always get in the way" of them being "just friends".
Thoughts?
I remember that part of the movie, but don't really agree with it. Back in the early 80's when I played in my first few OTB tournaments I became friends with 2 young ladies (not so young anymore) they were pretty strong players in the 1900 - 2200 range, they were kind enough to analyze some of my completed games, and offer advise. We hung out sometimes at restaurants, parks, and coffee shops, talking about chess, politics, and jobs. Fast forward to today, and we still exchange occasional emails.
I agree a friendship between men and women can be different than that of same sex friendships, but common interests and views can make for long-lasting platonic friendships between men and women.
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06 Aug 21
@zahlanzi saidOr maybe it never was. I've always thought that most characters in romcoms are remarkably shallow and selfish.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/When_Harry_Met_Sally...
"When Harry Met Sally... is a 1989 American romantic comedy film ...". Maybe that movie is no longer a cultural mirror to our society.
06 Aug 21
@vivify said"Forget the word "sex" for a moment. In general, is it realistic that a man and woman can be just friends without attraction or feelings being a factor at some point? "
Just to be clear: the question is not "can men be friends with women without expecting sex?", nor is it "can men be friends with women without seeing them as a piece of meat". Maybe I shouldn't have used a movie that came out when my age was in single digits, but that's what gave me the idea.
Forget the word "sex" for a moment. In general, is it realistic that a man a ...[text shortened]... ompany, isn't natural that romantic feelings would arise eventually? Again, I'm speaking generally.
the part about attraction pretty much implies one party (men) can only value the other party as a potential mate.
"If a man and woman (of similar age, status and attractiveness) enjoy each other's company, isn't natural that romantic feelings would arise eventually? Again, I'm speaking generally."
You are kinda speaking specifically. Similar age, status, attractiveness, enjoying each other's company, both developing feelings. These are the usual reasons people fall in love.
What you should be asking is "can a man and woman be just friends if only one develops romantic feelings for the other".
Sexual drive is a powerful instinct but it's just that, an instinct that we have learned to suppress when it isn't appropriate. If you have feelings for a friend that aren't reciprocated it's on you if you're mature enough to get past that and just be friends, because that's all the other one is prepared to offer.
06 Aug 21
@shallow-blue saidIt was written by Nora Ephron who was an expert on funny, intelligent comedies: ‘Sleepless in Seattle’ (1993), ‘You’ve Got Mail’ (1998) and more.
Or maybe it never was. I've always thought that most characters in romcoms are remarkably shallow and selfish.
06 Aug 21
@vivify saidMmmm good question I think if both parties go into the relationship with the sole intention of friendship and there is no physical attraction involved then I do not see why sex should get in the way. but it’s complicated because sometimes we befriend someone in the vague hope that it might evolve into a romantic / physical relationship, even subconsciously.
There's a line from the movie "When Harry Met Sally" where one of the characters says that men and women can never be *just* friends; the "sex thing" always gets in the way.
Is there any truth to this?
How many people here hang out with a member of the opposite sex (not counting family) just like they would with a friend of the same gender?
I don't often see wom ...[text shortened]... aracter said, the "sex thing would always get in the way" of them being "just friends".
Thoughts?
But to your question: no I don’t think it’s impossible for men and women to be just friends, in fact I know it’s not.
06 Aug 21
@suzianne saidIf hetero men and women cannot be friends because of sexual tension then bisexuals shouldn't be able to have any friends because they have sexual tension with both genders.
What is this supposed to mean?
06 Aug 21
@athousandyoung saidNo one said they can't be friends. The title of thread says "just" friends, meaning with no possibility of romantic feelings.
If hetero men and women cannot be friends because of sexual tension then bisexuals shouldn't be able to have any friends because they have sexual tension with both genders.
