15 Jul 07
Originally posted by KellyJayYou seem to be assuming that both choices are permanent. You are also assuming that it is selfishness that leads a couple to move in together without the benefit of legal ties. I would not move in with someone because I wanted benefits without ties. I would move in because I already was married to a sociopath and am painfully aware that there are really important things you don't learn about a person when you each go back to your own place every night. I also would not live with someone if at the moment of moving in I'd already decided to never marry. Cohabitating can be a step on a journey, not always the end of the trip.
What are you trying to compare, a committed relationship where vows
are made in front of God and man, and those that just move in to see
if they like it? What is the scale here, the selfishness of what those
those that don't want the commitment made by promises in front of
witnesses, or the freedom you get when you see something better in
someone else? ...[text shortened]... when we say them if we don't actually 'do' what we
promise till death do us part.
Kelly
16 Jul 07
Originally posted by pawnhandlerIf you think I'm assuming that both choices are permanent, you did
You seem to be assuming that both choices are permanent. You are also assuming that it is selfishness that leads a couple to move in together without the benefit of legal ties. I would not move in with someone because I wanted benefits without ties. I would move in because I already was married to a sociopath and am painfully aware that there are reall ...[text shortened]... ided to never marry. Cohabitating can be a step on a journey, not always the end of the trip.
not read what I wrote.
Kelly
16 Jul 07
Originally posted by KellyJayI meant that you seemed to assume that one is cohabitating until something better comes along, not as a prelude to a deeper relationship. How is it selfish? I am not talking about when a couple has children together but do not want to make a legal commitment so that they can keep their options open.
If you think I'm assuming that both choices are permanent, you did
not read what I wrote.
Kelly
16 Jul 07
Originally posted by pawnhandlerYou either make a commitment or you do not, if you wish to keep your
I meant that you seemed to assume that one is cohabitating until something better comes along, not as a prelude to a deeper relationship. How is it selfish? I am not talking about when a couple has children together but do not want to make a legal commitment so that they can keep their options open.
options open it is only for what type of reason, for yourself? With in
the marriage vows the two are to become one, that is also something
that is missing in marriage as well, since it too has been watered down
to cohabitation with strings nothing more in some cases. People do not
take the time to really get to know the one they marry and it comes as
quite a surprise when they do, that isn’t the fault of marriage, but of
us not taking time to make a very important commitment to know
what we are really getting ourselves into. So we make vows and do
not feel the need to keep them if we just desire to get out of our
marriage.
Even under the best of conditions it can be hard, let alone under the
bad ones.
Kelly
16 Jul 07
Originally posted by whodeySex and money do not have to be tied together, bud. Not all women are hookers.
I think the real question is not about living together, rather, I think it comes down to SEX!!! When is the appropriate time to have sex? Is it when two people are not committed? If so, why? After all, sexual relations involve such issues as reproduction and further emotional attachments and $$$$$$ etc. It is like investing in a stock that you know may ...[text shortened]... tment of marriage does not gaurantee a return in your investment, but it is the best you can do.
16 Jul 07
Previously, I'd always advocated cohabiting over marriage. It seems more sensible and less messy should the relationship fail.
I'm now married, I have a child. I now believe that my wife, my child and myself are all more secure becuase we are married.
I also know that whilst financially I might be worse off should the marriage fail, I will be in a better position to see my kid(s) under the current legal framework.
Marriage is not something to be afraid of but it is something to be revered.