Originally posted by SuzianneI get that bullying happens, with tragic consequences, on Facebook, where everyone uses their real names, and some people see some of their FB friends in-person. But I don't quite understand how bullying can be very forceful on a site where we only use handles, and most of us don't disclose much, if any, of our personal info. We're all sock puppets here. I wouldn't even assume that someone is female just because they have 'Queen' in their handle. There's no way to really know.
Landisqueen is just the most recent. There have been others, but their presence on these forums was so short-lived that I cannot remember names. My point is that far, FAR more women than men have been "chased away" by the (mostly male) forum bullies.
- Joined
- 09 Feb 10
- Moves
- 48656
Stopped in here on my way to another forum and was surprised to see this thread still in the forefront. Read through a bit...and then was not very surprised at all 😉
I will spend a minute speaking up for myself just for good measure. I was not run off by anyone. I simply chose to leave. My prerogative. Not because of one exchange or one particular poster but just because I found so many posters were consistently mean-spirited. I have no problem with disagreeing viewpoints, criticism, etc. but I DO have a problem with rudeness and a blatant lack of respect. Especially to complete strangers. It speaks volumes in my mind and makes me wonder how these same people treat people in the "real" world. For grown "men" and I am assuming they are male - forgive me if they are not - but for grown "men" to actually call other posters names? It is very immature and well, just ridiculous. Sorry - it just is, in my humble opinion. And when I "trolled" around on occasion, sipping my my morning coffee, reading various threads in several different forums, I saw posters ridiculing others who had seemingly legitimate real-life problems, personally attacking people, calling them vile names...even a few posts suggesting to one person that he really should have just committed suicide already and why did he return? It was not in jest - that just isn't "funny" on any level...especially towards a stranger who for all you know might be in a really dark, lonely place in his/her life. The whole thing was just a big turn off to me. But that's just me...
And no need for me to name names as one chastised. lol For what purpose? I'm guessing you know who you are. And if you don't, others do.
Several genuinely gracious posters have since sent me PMs. A few said - yes, I can see why you left...forums are a really miserable, ugly place. Many encouraged me to come back, give it more time, "roll" with the obnoxiousness. Some are convinced that there is some entertainment value in forums... I'm not seeing it 🙁 We all have different perspectives - thank God for that...
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My "adieu" was not meant to come across as pompous. Never been accused of that before. I was just being honest and TRYING (maybe unsuccessfully) to add a little humor here and there in some of my posts. We all know my adieu post was destined to be sliced & diced and it really didn't matter what I wrote, how I wrote it, what tone I used, what my intentions were...etc. The end result was going to be that haters were going to rip through it. Even my very first few posts were greeted with hostility and bitterness & for what? For expressing my opinions, feelings? For saying "hello?" lol There are some in here who like to be always be right & can never say anything unless it is riddled with insults or nastiness. I don't get it.
And yes, I am female. Not that it matters or that I can "prove" it. I have no reason to lie...that's all I can say on that point 🙂 I do agree with one of the recent posters who said technically none of this poor behavior can be considered bullying...we are all technically protected by anonymity...there is no "threat" of any sort here. I guess it is more "bully-like" behavior...that shut-up-you're stupid....I'm-a-tough-guy-and-you-are-pathetic...I-am-all-knowing-and-I-hope-you-just-burn-in-hell mentality.
Well, I just stopped in to add my two cents since it was my OP that started some new mud-slinging...
Life is better on the "other side" 🙂
Originally posted by BigDoggProblemYes, sock puppets. I hear this out on the greater internet all the time. "I just assume everyone is a guy, because they usually are." This is 2015. Yes, there are women on the internet. It's about time the neanderthals out there made room for them.
I get that bullying happens, with tragic consequences, on Facebook, where everyone uses their real names, and some people see some of their FB friends in-person. But I don't quite understand how bullying can be very forceful on a site where we only use handles, and most of us don't disclose much, if any, of our personal info. We're all sock puppets he ...[text shortened]... someone is female just because they have 'Queen' in their handle. There's no way to really know.
I don't assume someone is female by their "handle". How shallow is that? Yes, it's as shallow as just lazily assuming everyone is male. Usually, if a post is long enough (or if there are enough posts over time), one can get a feeling of gender easily just by content. If you can't, then yeah, maybe you're just socially inept, but most people can. How about just giving people the benefit of the doubt? By assuming "everyone" is male, this doesn't insult men, but it does insult women, so it's just providing an unequal starting point, which is inherently unfair.
On another point, women are far more likely to talk about themselves and other people, whereas men are more likely to just talk about "things" (the old "feelings" vs. "football" discussions). Naturally, this opens women up to personal attacks, as Red Night easily demonstrated in this thread.
Originally posted by SuzianneI don't assume a poster is male either, except maybe a few times on chess sites. 😛
Yes, sock puppets. I hear this out on the greater internet all the time. "I just assume everyone is a guy, because they usually are." This is 2015. Yes, there are women on the internet. It's about time the neanderthals out there made room for them.
I don't assume someone is female by their "handle". How shallow is that? Yes, it's as shallow as just ...[text shortened]... rally, this opens women up to personal attacks, as Red Night easily demonstrated in this thread.
It occurs to me that some women are as mean as any man. It also occurs to me that I can simply stop reading someone's posts if I don't want to hear what they have to say, regardless of gender.
Originally posted by Suziannehiya, are you doing ok???
Not good enough?
For what?
For whom?
Keep in mind she shouldn't have had to post that in the first place.
have you had a chance to take a breath???
seems i may have irritated you, and that was not my intent...
as for what i wrote to ms landisqueen170, i was fairly certain that the words were easy to understand and they would stand on their own...
but, clearly not...
well, so much for that exchange, next!!!
Originally posted by SuzianneWhat that mean? Neanderthal always looking for woman to be for us keeping warm when dark, and keep fire going for to make bake dinner. Neanderthal no want woman go away, he want find many woman and take home, make many baby Neandethal people for to work so he can someday retire and go hit walnuts with a stick.
Yes, sock puppets. I hear this out on the greater internet all the time. "I just assume everyone is a guy, because they usually are." This is 2015. Yes, there are women on the internet. It's about time the neanderthals out there made room for them.
I don't assume someone is female by their "handle". How shallow is that? Yes, it's as shallow as just ...[text shortened]... rally, this opens women up to personal attacks, as Red Night easily demonstrated in this thread.
