Go back
Bad jokes

Bad jokes

General

d

Joined
12 Jun 05
Moves
14671
Clock
28 Jun 12

My friend Edward shortened his name without bothering to let me know.

He's Ted to me now.

m
Ajarn

Wat?

Joined
16 Aug 05
Moves
76863
Clock
29 Jun 12

Originally posted by dottewell
My friend Edward shortened his name without bothering to let me know.

He's Ted to me now.
That's bad, but not even a joke or remotely funny. 🙁

How did you know when it was midnight in Michael Jackson's home?

When the big hand touched the little hand!

-m.

That's bad, and a joke, of course. 😉

ka
The Axe man

Brisbane,QLD

Joined
11 Apr 09
Moves
103371
Clock
29 Jun 12
1 edit
Vote Up
Vote Down

The 'chicken crossing road' joke and most variations on it.

Why did the computer cross the road?

S
Caninus Interruptus

2014.05.01

Joined
11 Apr 07
Moves
92274
Clock
29 Jun 12

Jay London is the King of bad one-liners.

My girlfriend is a semi-nude model - she does a half-asss job.

huckleberryhound
Devout Agnostic.

DZ-015

Joined
12 Oct 05
Moves
42584
Clock
29 Jun 12

This guy got a phonecall while on the motorway saying he got a promotion. He was so excited he crashed his car into the embankment. When asked by the police what happened, he said he careered off the road.

divegeester
watching in dismay

STARMERGEDDON

Joined
16 Feb 08
Moves
120597
Clock
29 Jun 12
Vote Up
Vote Down

A bear goes into a bar, walks up to the barman and says:

I will have a ............................................................................................................. pint please.

The barman says:

Why the big paws?

Grampy Bobby
Boston Lad

USA

Joined
14 Jul 07
Moves
43012
Clock
29 Jun 12

A guy posts a particularly bad thread in the Red Hot Pawn General Forum. Half the readers thumb it down. Half tried to kill it. The other half just smile and murmur, 'Hmm... another gb orphan".

.

m
Ajarn

Wat?

Joined
16 Aug 05
Moves
76863
Clock
29 Jun 12

Originally posted by huckleberryhound
This guy got a phonecall while on the motorway saying he got a promotion. He was so excited he crashed his car into the embankment. When asked by the police what happened, he said he careered off the road.
😀

Grampy Bobby
Boston Lad

USA

Joined
14 Jul 07
Moves
43012
Clock
29 Jun 12
1 edit

Originally posted by mikelom
😀
😀 [WORD TOO LONG] 😀

catfoodtim

Joined
08 Oct 04
Moves
22056
Clock
29 Jun 12
Vote Up
Vote Down

Ponderable
chemist

Linkenheim

Joined
22 Apr 05
Moves
670007
Clock
29 Jun 12

Originally posted by dottewell
My friend Edward shortened his name without bothering to let me know.

He's Ted to me now.
I apologize for asking, but as non-native speaker I think that the homonymous nature of dead and Ted was the joke?

Allen steht das Wasser bis zum Hals,

nur nicht Heiner, der ist kleiner 😉

Ro

Joined
11 Oct 04
Moves
5344
Clock
29 Jun 12

I run one of the biggest banks in the world. I am part of a banking system that brought the world's economies to the point of collapse, requiring trillions of pounds of taxpayer support and triggering the worst recession in living memory, and possibly the collapse of democracy in some European countries affected.

My bank has now been convicted of systematically lying about the interest rates which influence what countries, companies and mortgage holders can borrow at for 5 years or more, and allowing its traders to profit from those lies.

Punchline : In 2011, when the bank was under investigation, and was aware that these offences had been committed, the remuneration committee thought it right to pay me £20.9m. And I have no intention of resigning.

Not thats a bad joke.

m
Ajarn

Wat?

Joined
16 Aug 05
Moves
76863
Clock
29 Jun 12
1 edit
Vote Up
Vote Down

Originally posted by Ponderable
I apologize for asking, but as non-native speaker I think that the homonymous nature of dead and Ted was the joke?

Allen steht das Wasser bis zum Hals,

nur nicht Heiner, der ist kleiner 😉
Yes it was, and that made it even less funny..... I got that bit! 😉

But very well spotted, as it was almost an idiomatic game.

-m.

catfoodtim

Joined
08 Oct 04
Moves
22056
Clock
29 Jun 12

Ponderable
chemist

Linkenheim

Joined
22 Apr 05
Moves
670007
Clock
29 Jun 12
Vote Up
Vote Down

The post that was quoted here has been removed
the bad joke was thet he wrote in first person to show how bad the behaviour of the person in question was....and you should add a bad joke 😉

Alle Tiere lieben sich, nur das Opposum Dieterich finden alle widerlich!

Cookies help us deliver our Services. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Learn More.