One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."
A blonde woman and a red-headed woman are taken hostage by terrorists. The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad. But first, the terrorists ask the red-headed woman if she has any last words.
The red-head points and says, “Twister!” The terrorists ran in all different directions and the red-headed woman gets away.
When they realize what has happened, the come back and to where the blonde woman is still standing, and they ask her if she has any last words. She points and says, “Fire!”
Revenge of the Blondes
Q: Why are there so many blonde jokes one-liners?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: What do brunettes miss most about a great party?
A: the invitation.
Q: What do you call a good-looking man with a brunette?
A: A hostage.
Q: What is black and blue and brown, and lying in a ditch?
A: A brunette who has told too many blonde jokes.
A blonde went to go get her haircut wearing pair of headphones. The hairdresser tried to get her to take them off, but the blonde protested.
"You can't take those away from me -- I'll die without them!"
The hairdresser sighed, and tried to explain how difficult it would be to cut her hair with them on, but the blonde wouldn't budge. So she began cutting the hair around the headphones. Soon, the blonde feel asleep, and the hairdresser figured she could remove the headphones for a few minutes. But shortly thereafter, the blonde collapsed, dead on the floor. The hairdresser, confused, picked up the headphones, which were repeating "Breathe In, Breathe Out."
A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her that all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out. After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.
"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working."
"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"
One day while jogging, a man noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the road. He picked the balls up, put them in his pocket and proceeded on his way.
Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blonde standing next to him and smiling.
"What are those big bulges in your running shorts?" she asked.
"Tennis balls," answered the man, smiling back.
"Wow," said the blonde, looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable."
There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.
The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”
