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Wayward Soul

Your Blackened Sky

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what's green and goes red at the touch of a button?

Kermit the Frog in a blender!

paul1

London

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A woman goes to the doctor. "Doctor, my husband thinks he's a chicken".
"Well, bring him in to see me" says the doctor.
"I would do, but I need the eggs"........

A
Lazy Sod

Everywhere

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Originally posted by genius
what's green and goes red at the touch of a button?

Kermit the Frog in a blender!
What's green and smells like pork?

t

Lost at Sea

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a sick pig?

a

THORNINYOURSIDE

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What is red, has three heads, 17 eyes, six legs, two arms and weighs 600 pounds?

OD

Hoagy's Alley

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A wealthy old lady decides to go on safari in Africa. She takes her faithful pet poodle along for company.

One day, the poodle starts chasing butterflies, and before long, discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The poodle thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he notices some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here."

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard, "That was close. That poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who's been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it to the leopard for protection. So off he goes. But the poodle spots him heading off to see the leopard, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard and spills the beans. The leopard, furious at being made a fool of, says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and just watch what happens to that conniving canine."

Before long the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back. So he sits down with his back to this attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet. Just when they get within earshot, the poodle says: "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

t

Lost at Sea

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Originally posted by Officer Dibble
A wealthy old lady decides to go on safari in Africa. She takes her faithful pet poodle along for company.

One day, the poodle starts chasing butterflies, and before long, discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The poodle thinks, "OK, I'm ...[text shortened]... ys: "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."
Thts gr8!

A
Lazy Sod

Everywhere

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Originally posted by trawets113
a sick pig?
kermit

V
Thinking...

Odersfelt

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Originally posted by Officer Dibble
A wealthy old lady decides to go on safari in Africa. She takes her faithful pet poodle along for company.

One day, the poodle starts chasing butterflies, and before long, discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The poodle thinks, "OK, I'm ...[text shortened]... ys: "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."
U R WRONG!!11 A LEOPARD WUD WIN1!

😉

J

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what do u call a man in the water with no arms or legs?






BOB

J

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OD

Hoagy's Alley

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Why does an Essex girl wear a leopard-skin leotard ?

So her dad won't spot her on the back seat of Wayne's Capri.

OD

Hoagy's Alley

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For some reason, the wildlife documentaries on television never seem to mention that every lion is issued at birth with a special four-pronged implement. As he grows up, the lion learns how to use this implement: one of the prongs is used to pick bits of antelope from between his teeth, another to remove jagged stones from his paws, while the third is used to comb and rearrange his fur. Opinions vary on the use of the fourth prong, and this plays no further part in this story.

One day, Leo the lion woke up after a late night and realised that he did not have his special four-pronged implement. He decided to visit his friend the tiger and see if he knew anything about it. "I did see it in your pocket last night" said the tiger, "Then you went off clubbing with the leopard, and I came home to bed." The lion said "Ah yes, the night-spot" and went to ask the leopard.

The leopard shamefacedly admitted to borrowing it from the lion, but said he had passed it on to the puma, who had a particularly gristly bit of antelope caught between his teeth. The puma said he had passed it on to the panther, and the panther said he had given it to the lynx, who had passed it on to the jaguar.

When the lion visited the jaguar's house, the jaguar blushed red beneath his fur and said "...er I don't have it any more." "You don't have it?" said the lion, "Where is it then?" "I'm afraid I ate it", said the jaguar. The lion was distraught: "What do you mean you ate it?" he shouted, his mane bristling with fury. The jaguar burst into tears. "I just couldn't help myself", he sobbed. "You see, I'm a four-point-tool-eater jaguar".

OD

Hoagy's Alley

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Why can't a leopard hide?

Because he's always spotted!

s
515 + 30 days

Syver Yurt TC

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What did the salmon say when he could'nt swim any further?

"Dam" 😵

skeeter

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