03 May 11
Originally posted by uzlessIf you've never loved or been in love you'll never truly understand. A lot like asking someone why a goal was scored when they never played hockey.
Ok ladies, help us guys out here.
What's the difference between saying you love someone vs saying you're in love with them?
P-
03 May 11
Originally posted by uzlessI like this question. I'm copying and pasting some of what I wrote on this subject before in the GF. Forgive the length, but hey, you asked.
Ok ladies, help us guys out here.
What's the difference between saying you love someone vs saying you're in love with them?
I think there's a few types of love and not all based in reality. The intense feelings are real, at least for a time.
Falling in love/being in love seems like a crazy state of being to me. It's awesome in the beginning and horrible at the end. It means being crazy, fantasizing alot, buying into this thought that this person is THE ONE and that love is the answer to every ill and problem - including that person's insecurities. I've been in love. It's a type of insanity. I think "being in love" often means the inevitable crash where it all becomes an ending. It all becomes this question: "what is the outcome of this going to be?" For some, it's marriage and a terrible mistake. For others, it's marriage and a wonderful and enduring love. It's hard to know which is which. Most people are very certain on their wedding day. I was.
But then, there's another kind of love. Perhaps this is marriage love. Maybe this is later in life love. Mature love. I don't know. It's when you cherish someone because they calm you, they know you and all your weirdness and insecurity and shortcomings. They are not some romanticized version of your perfect love, the one you've "been waiting for" and all that BS. They are not some fixation for you and all your emptiness. They are not the solution to all your ego-centered issues and in fact, they often help you see what a total jerk you can be sometimes and still love you. You don't agree with them all the time. In fact, there might be traits in eachother you find very disagreeable and those things can be dealt with nonetheless. Perhaps you are mature enough to understand what love really is and what you want from it and you cherish this person. You wouldn't die without them. You don't need to see them everyday (once the honeymoon is over, anyway). Not every fiber of your being is enmeshed in theirs. Instead, you cherish who they are, what they are, how flawed and screwed up they are, how incredibly dynamic they are, how they might drive you crazy sometimes, but still, still, you cherish them because they are your friend and they know ALL SIDES of you. All sides. And they cheer you on, and you them. This doesn't come without the sexual benefits: I believe this kind of love comes with FINALLY finding the most accepting sexual partner and gratifying intimacy.
Sometimes you are lucky enough to find the cherish kind of love. I have found that this comes with a friendship first, building trust and intimacy and really getting to know eachother.
When a woman says she loves you and makes a distinction between that and being in love with you, then she isn't in love with you and doesn't see herself being in a sexual/long term relationship with you.
Being in love usually doesn't last. Finding something deeper can. The trick is knowing what is real, what will last and that your eyes are open. Too many questions? Red flag.
Hope this helps.
03 May 11
Originally posted by SunburntThis ^. Oh, so this.
I like this question. I'm copying and pasting some of what I wrote on this subject before in the GF. Forgive the length, but hey, you asked.
I think there's a few types of love and not all based in reality. The intense feelings are real, at least for a time.
Falling in love/being in love seems like a crazy state of being to me. It's awesome in the beg ...[text shortened]... our eyes are open. Too many questions? Red flag.
Hope this helps.
Thanks, Sunburnt. The poet lives in you. He doesn't even know my name. 🙁
