26 Jul 12
1 edit
Most (not quite offensive) jokes you've heard.
God visited Adam one day and felt sorry for him being all alone. So He said, "Adam, I’m going to make you a partner. She will like you. She will shop for food; cook for you; serve your meals; do the dishes, wash the clothes and please you in many different ways". Adam thought about what God had said, for awhile, then said "What will she cost me?" God said, Hmm... probably an arm and a leg". Adam then asked,
What will a rib get me?
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27 Jul 12
Originally posted by mikelomLovely man, but even his closest friends in snooker had to confess he knew nothing about the game.
Ted Lowe - He was the commentator for the snooker television show Pot Black from 1969. He went on to become the "voice of snooker" and led the commentary in many tournaments. He also commentated in what is generally regarded as snooker's greatest final, that between Steve Davis and Dennis Taylor in the 1985 World Snooker Championship.
Lowe uttered the oc ...[text shortened]... eg over".
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ted_Lowe
-m.
Not offensive, but funny! 😉
My favourite story (embellished no doubt over the years) is when Jimmy White, one of the most attacking players ever, was looking down the table at a closely grouped pack of reds.
Ted Lowe : "There's nothing here for Jimmy to do but play safe....."
Jimmy White wanders down the table and looks closely at the pack of reds
Ted Lowe: "Ah, this is interesting, he's just checking to make sure that he does't clip one of the reds over the pocket. Nice to see Jimmy curbing his natural attacking tendency."
Jimmy White wanders back to the table and begins to cue
Ted Lowe : "A thin clip off the pack, and back to baulk for safety. A shot requiring touch....accuracy and.....finesse"
[DRAMATIC PAUSE]
At which point, Jimmy's arm lashes out at the cue ball, sending it like a tracer bullet into the pack, as he had spotted a three ball plant into the corner. The red flies into the pocket with a whipcrack, the white ball is screwed back up the table as though it is on a piece of elastic, and the other reds fly round the table, knocking the other colours off their spots and leaving the table looking like an explosion in a paint factory.
Wild applause and cheers from the audience.
[LONG PAUSE]
Ted Lowe: "Ah, I must confess I didn't see that......."
You could hear the other commentators trying to mask their microphones as they fell about in hysterics.
27 Jul 12
Originally posted by Rank outsiderMy childhood hero Jimmy! Bless him, never won the big one.
Lovely man, but even his closest friends in snooker had to confess he knew nothing about the game.
My favourite story (embellished no doubt over the years) is when Jimmy White, one of the most attacking players ever, was looking down the table at a closely grouped pack of reds.
Ted Lowe : "There's nothing here for Jimmy to do but play safe....." ...[text shortened]... ther commentators trying to mask their microphones as they fell about in hysterics.
Did you ever see these?
And this exhibition game for Children in Need..... the pink is stunning (well not, so much top left that as it comes off the cush the top becomes bottom and it stops on a penny!!), but the black is just a pee take....... THAT'S Jimmy in exhibition! 😉
-m. 😉
Originally posted by mikelomThough I was a Steve Davis fan (yes, I know), I can't imagine anyone who followed the game who didn't want him to win one World Championship. I remember he had it in the bag one year against Hendry, and he missed the easiest black off the spot. Hendry was out of his chair like a startled meerkat and never looked back. I can only think of half a dozen times when I have been as depressed after a sporting event.
My childhood hero Jimmy! Bless him, never won the big one.
Did you ever see these?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Sk9_hWUDZM
And this exhibition game for Children in Need..... the pink is stunning (well not, so much top left that as it comes off the cush the top becomes bottom and it stops on a penny!!), but the black is just a pee take....... THAT'S Jimmy in exhibition! 😉
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-91ZCBVUes
-m. 😉
Thanks for the vids. Try that pink in your local club and you'd better have a good few tips to spare! Also, nice to see Ted Lowe accurately predicting that the black didn't have enough pace to reach the pocket!
I actually met Jimmy very briefly once. I was at the Masters, first round match with Jimmy against someone, getting a drink in the mid session interval, and blow me he's in the queue behind me trying to get a swift pint in!
As you can imagine, he was swamped and had to kiss about a dozen grey-haired groupies. I tried as well, but had to settle for a handshake. Completely at ease with the crowd. He also made 2 centuries after the break.
Class act. 🙂
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28 Jul 12
Originally posted by Rank outsiderA Canadian is walking down the street eh? and he/she says....sorry but that wasn't me musta been you...sorry.
Though I was a Steve Davis fan (yes, I know), I can't imagine anyone who followed the game who didn't want him to win one World Championship. I remember he had it in the bag one year against Hendry, and he missed the easiest black off the spot. Hendry was out of his chair like a startled meerkat and never looked back. I can only think of half a doze ...[text shortened]... pletely at ease with the crowd. He also made 2 centuries after the break.
Class act. 🙂