Originally posted by Grampy BobbyAh, but you CAN tuna fish.
[b]"Puns and Funny English... (2 of more)
Play on Words, Wise Sayings, Proverbs, Quotations, Humorous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts.
14. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas ...[text shortened]... your absence felt. ~ Unknown.
26. You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish. ~ Unknown."[/b]
I once knew this gynecologist who wanted to do his own sex change operation but I knew he couldn't pull it off.
14 Nov 14
Originally posted by Grampy Bobby"Puns and Funny English... (5 of many more)
"Puns and Funny English... (4 of many more)
40. I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.
41. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
42. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
43. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
44. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
45. The pr ...[text shortened]... ineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
52. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it."
53. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
54. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
55. When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
56. Police were called to a day care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
57. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
58. If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your memory.
59. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
60. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
61. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
62. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
63. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
64. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
65. Acupuncture: a jab well done."
"Clever Anagrams - What you get when you re-arrange the same letters:
● Presbyterian:
● Astronomer:
● Desperation:
● The eyes:
● George Bush:
● The Morse Code:
● Dormitory:
● Slot machines:
● Animosity:
● Election results:
● Snooze alarms:
● A decimal point:
● The earthquakes:
● Eleven plus two:
● Debit card:
● Schoolmaster:
● Fir cones:
● The Environment:"
Scoring: One point each for your first three correct solutions; two points for each of the next three or more. Enjoy.
15 Nov 14
Originally posted by Grampy Bobby"Puns and Funny English... (6 of many more)
"Puns and Funny English... (5 of many more)
53. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
54. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
55. When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
56. Police were called to a day care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
57. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole lef ...[text shortened]... she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
65. Acupuncture: a jab well done."
66. The guy that fell into the glass making machine made a spectacle of himself.
67. I had amnesia once --- or twice.
68. Today is the oldest you've ever been, yet the youngest you'll ever be, so enjoy this day while it lasts.
69. In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.
70. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
71. Do what you can, where you are, with what you have. ~ Theodore Roosevelt.
72. Believe you can and you're halfway there. ~ Theodore Roosevelt.
73. Every strike brings me closer to the next home run. ~ Babe Ruth.
74. Don't sweat the petty stuff. And don't pet the sweaty stuff. ~ George Carlin.
75. I cook using the 4 food groups: Canned, Boxed, Bagged and Frozen. ~ Aunty Acid.
76. Someday is not a day of the week. ~ Denise Brennan-Nelson.
77. The harder I work, the luckier I get. ~ Gary Player.
78. Fall seven times and stand up eight. ~ Japanese Proverb.
79. Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. ~ Benjamin Franklin.
80. The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. ~ Albert Einstein."
