Going through a child custody battle right now all I can say is try to resolve this outside the courts if at all possible. Lawyers and judges DO NOT care about the best interests of your children. It only causes a great deal of pain and annomosity, not to mention the price of a phone bill is peanuts compared to the cost of a lawyer. Court only forces your children to take sides at their ages. If at all possible try showing the compassion that the situation warrants. People make mistakes and nobody is flawless. It sounds like your girls need your love and support right now and your ex wife is probably feeling a great deal of shame and guilt right now. There must be some way to find them through the school registry system. I'm assuming they're still attending school somewhere. Best of luck to you either way.
Originally posted by KJCavalierHire a lawyer . Preferably one who is short , angry about being short , and miserably pissed off at the world . A crucifying b@st@rd that would sue his own mother if there was a nickle in it for him . Tell him to pin his ears back and bring her back by the throat . Any mother that would deprive her kids of two months contact with their father needs to be hauled in front of a judge and held accountable for it . It should also be made such an unpleasant experience that she'd never think of doing it again for fear of your rottweiler attorney coming after her again .
For those who don't know, I have 3 children. All girls. Unfortunately they live with they're mother.
They're mother has recently lost her husband to another woman (sort of makes me feel good as that is how I lost her). In the process hasn't been able to pay all of her bills, and has lost her phone.
What this is leading to is this. She had recent ...[text shortened]... be nice, but I prefer serious input only, as this is very serious.
Thanks for reading
KJ
If she was really interested in the kid's welfare , she would have called you and said she was having problems and needed help . For the kid's sake she would have asked for some help with the phone bill so you could stay in contact . I hate my 1st wife . She is a complete waste of skin . But during the time my son lived with me , I made him call her , visit , and otherwise maintain a good relationship with her , even if he didn't want to . Looking at the "big picture" of his life , and what's best for him ; this was in his best interest . There's nothing more important to kids than to have the best relationship possible with both parents . Anyone who is in the way of this , especially one of the parents , is a rat-b@st@rd deserving the wrath of the court .
She's either using your kids as some kind of pawns in a sick game , or gives as much thought to their feelings as she does to the furniture .
The most important thing for you to do is maintain a relationship with your daughters. Sure, it might be the easy way out to offer logical arguements why you don't spend time with them. Guess what? All logical arguements FAIL!
If you do not do WHATEVER IT TAKES to maintain a relationship with your girls, they will end up HATING YOU when they become adults. And, mark my word, if this happens there will come a time when you will regret the decisions you made and live in your own private hell.
Besides that, if you don't continue to be a part of their lives, there's a good chance that when they have children they will leave them too! Just like daddy did to them.
You should get a separation agreement stating in it that she cannot move and take the kids out of reach (Like move to Japan or whatever)
You also may want to include such things as ensuring she can't change the names of the kids.
I would see a lawyer and get the agreement in writing, it doesn't have to be a drawn-out battle in court, but it may be ...
Good luck.
Just to try to respond. I have decided to go with tracking her down, getting a phone in place, and having the bill sent to me. Dragging her to court also means dragging my kids through it as well. It wouldn't take much to really make me into the bad guy really fast. I know that she lies about me to the kids frequently, so for her to say I am only after hurting their "mommy" wouldn't take much at all.
I know my children love me. This is without question. I'm not so worried about her leaving the area with the kids, or changing their names(we have been divorced for 9 years now, and there has been no indication that she would even consider such a thought).
I appreciate all the input and suggestions that have been put in front of me, but I think I would rather be a hero to my daughters, by showing them I am trying to help them, than to drag this into the courts. This doesn't mean I won't, but I want to exhuast all effort in trying to get this resolved, with a lawyer.
Originally posted by KJCavalierFair enough - but is it not worth getting some legal advice so you at least know what she can and cannot do?
Just to try to respond. I have decided to go with tracking her down, getting a phone in place, and having the bill sent to me. Dragging her to court also means dragging my kids through it as well. It wouldn't take much to really make me into the bad guy really fast. I know that she lies about me to the kids frequently, so for her to say I am only after h ...[text shortened]... t mean I won't, but I want to exhuast all effort in trying to get this resolved, with a lawyer.
Originally posted by Rosa Korgane
No hero. No irritant. Selfishness is the only way to go.
Get her a phone and pay for it yourself. Have the bill sent to you. Small price to pay - you won't miss the money. You need the girls to be able to call you whenever they need to. Whenever. That is what fathers of daughters do.
Jeez, KJ - life can be such a minefield, eh? ... as Mokko would undoubtedly second 😕
Rosa K seems to me to have hit the nail squarely on its head. I'd do what she suggests and monitor the situation as best you can from afar, by the resulting phone calls you'll get. Why feed lawyers 😠?
Irritating your estranged ex-wife can't take precedence over losing touch with your girls, can it? :'(
A current update for everyone.
The ex called me tonight. first time I heard from her in quite some time.
I managed to get her address, she still doesn't have a phone yet, but says she will have one by Friday. I am to get my kids on Friday as well. So things seem to have made a turn for the better.
I thank everyone who has wished me well during this. and for the advice that has been offered as well. I also want to thank everyone for not throwing in the usual sarcasm that can come about.
Originally posted by KJCavalierI hope that things continue to improve. Perhaps one day you will have her trust and full access to your kids.
A current update for everyone.
The ex called me tonight. first time I heard from her in quite some time.
I managed to get her address, she still doesn't have a phone yet, but says she will have one by Friday. I am to get my kids on Friday as well. So things seem to have made a turn for the better.
I thank everyone who has wished me well during this ...[text shortened]... s well. I also want to thank everyone for not throwing in the usual sarcasm that can come about.