19 May 05
Originally posted by hopscotchAfter a request from the author, I have reread A Letter for Anna, and it is much more readable than my sleepdeprived self thought. Having said that, although the use of language is good, and the use of simile's was impressive, I didn't feel any emotion from the piece. Maybe that's just me, but at no time did I feel that the words were sincere, and if the similes and language that Alexander was using were sincere, then I think the sincerity would have shown thrown much more than it did, not least by the pace and freneticity of the piece. If you're consumed by passion, then you're going to have a tendancy to gush, IMO.
[b]A letter for Anna
(948 Words)
Dear Anna,
I love you. Or at least that's what jumps into my head each time I see you, hear you, think about you. It's not a gentle warming feeling of comfort and puppy-eyed joy, it is a vicious piercing feeling which strikes me to the core. The desire is overwhelming and each time I am trapped between w ...[text shortened]... ve you.
I shall hold my breath once more, for either death or you shall take me.
Alexander[/b]
I may be talking complete guff which happens when I'm tired, but that's my opinion on the piece.
D
20 May 05
This competition has drawn to a close, here's the result:
1) Blister 43points
2) Final Round 28points
3) The Blank Page 20points
4) Projection 12points
5) Anna 7points
The author of Blister, I humbly am forced to admit, was myself. I'm flattered, surprised, and glad that so many people enjoyed it. Thanks to all the voters.
Special mention goes to Ragnorak and ncrosby for the Palahniuk reference, I am truly ashamedly over-rated by you guys, and blushing, as Chuck Palahniuk is indeed a favourite of mine. Ragnorak has a point though, my prose was quite disjointed and random, very perceptive of you. I wrote about four different paragraphs over a month and lazily mingled them together.
20 May 05
Originally posted by hopscotchCongratulations boss! Sad to see not as many people voted this time round, but lets hope there's more interest in the next one. I shall be returning to primary school English course to attempt to rectify my abyssmal entry this round.
This competition has drawn to a close, here's the result:
1) Blister 43points
2) Final Round 28points
3) The Blank Page 20points
4) Projection 12points
5) Anna 7points
The author of Blister, I humbly am forced to admit, was myself. I'm flattered, surprised, and glad that so many people enjoyed it. Thank ...[text shortened]... e of you. I wrote about four different paragraphs over a month and lazily mingled them together.
20 May 05
Originally posted by hopscotchCongrats hippityhoppy. A bit more thought on a distinct beginning, middle and end to the story, and it had the potential to be a truly excellent piece.
This competition has drawn to a close, here's the result:
1) Blister 43points
2) Final Round 28points
3) The Blank Page 20points
4) Projection 12points
5) Anna 7points
The author of Blister, I humbly am forced to admit, was myself. I'm flattered, surprised, and glad that so many people enjoyed it. Thank ...[text shortened]... e of you. I wrote about four different paragraphs over a month and lazily mingled them together.
You know what I'd like to see after another few rounds. A champions of champions round, where the winning entries from the previous rounds are pitted together against each other. Could be quite interesting.
D
20 May 05
Originally posted by RagnorakWell if we're going on points I beat ya all hands down 😛
Congrats hippityhoppy. A bit more thought on a distinct beginning, middle and end to the story, and it had the potential to be a truly excellent piece.
You know what I'd like to see after another few rounds. A champions of champions round, where the winning entries from the previous rounds are pitted together against each other. Could be quite interesting.
D
20 May 05
Originally posted by RagnorakMan, I was thinking the same thing.
Congrats hippityhoppy. A bit more thought on a distinct beginning, middle and end to the story, and it had the potential to be a truly excellent piece.
You know what I'd like to see after another few rounds. A champions of champions round, where the winning entries from the previous rounds are pitted together against each other. Could be quite interesting.
D
01 Nov 05
Originally posted by RagnorakThis has been bothering me since about a week after I wrote this.
A bit more thought on a distinct beginning, middle and end to the story, and it had the potential to be a truly excellent piece.
I think I meant the exact opposite of what I wrote. 🙄 The beginning, middle and end were too distinct and disjointed. So a bit more thought on how the beginning, middle and end would fit together is what I meant. I think.
D
01 Nov 05
Originally posted by RagnorakHey, don't worry about it. I think I knew what you meant anyway, a bit more thought of the merger of the beginning, middle, and end. As I said previously I wrote it over time, and then squished it together, the concept seemed to work on some abstract level so I left it. Water under the proverbial bridge, though your comment was very insightful.
This has been bothering me since about a week after I wrote this.
I think I meant the exact opposite of what I wrote. 🙄 The beginning, middle and end were too distinct and disjointed. So a bit more thought on how the beginning, middle and end would fit together is what I meant. I think.
D