21 Dec 04
Originally posted by jebryAnd there was me hoping that you might be smart enough to say "re-issue their birth certificate" or "renew their passport"...
Well, I have no idea if psychologists give the word a different meaning, but the meaning I know is to uphold or to support their validity. You have to let the child know that the punishment wasn't given because they are a "bad child". You do this by letting them know they are loved and cherished usually by hugging and kissing them and telling them in direct ...[text shortened]... em know that the punishment is directed toward their actions only.
It worked for me!
Jeff
When you follow these instructions, presumably in the correct order (i.e. spank then kiss & hug, not hug & kiss then spank), do you feel emotionally closer to your child? Or do you feel you have more emotional control over your child?
MÅ¥HÅRM
21 Dec 04
1 edit
Get "Righteously" angry. Show it. Then punish or whatever then make-up to the kid. But let them at least consider the advantage of them doing the makeup part. They (supposedly) were in the wrong.
Hell. If they weren't in the wrong and you lost it then -- oops. On you. Change your ways and ask for forgiveness.
But if a kid can really piss you off and you are human enough to get angry you can teach all kind of things. Like it is ok to be human and to be angry. It's not a sin to show anger. Contrary to popular 'tv shrink doctors'. Who's kids all end up committing suicide.
I know this isn't very politically correct these days. We're all supposed to be a bunch of "Reasoning Robots". I like people with some vip and vinager. They are more durable and are not afraid to love and form attachments. Hell. If it gets painful, they have enough guts to "blow up" and change the world. Even their little part of it.
<edit> I forgot to reply to the question. Never spank. Adults are too powerful for kids. Anger doen't need any physical action. If you are truly angry, it shows. Words are best. But never until a kid is able to understand. God gave us "frowns" for only one reason. To teach babies and kids without language skills. Frowns are the most terrible thing there is. If you mean it.
21 Dec 04
I forgot to reply to the question. Never spank. Adults are too powerful for kids. Anger doen't need any physical action. If you are truly angry, it shows. Words are best. But never until a kid is able to understand. God gave us "frowns" for only one reason. To teach babies and kids without language skills. Frowns are the most terrible thing there is. If you mean it.[/b]With all due respect, I don't agree with your last paragraph. I only say that because children are a lot smarter than their parents give them credit for.
Words are OKAY, in some instances, but if this child is CONSTANTLY doing things to test the parent, what then? Timeout? Ground them?
Sorry, but these things don't work...ALL THE TIME. I grew up where it was "Do as I say". If you didn't do what mom said, you got the belt. Bottom line. And that's what a lot of these little freaks need. A good a** whoopin'.
I guarantee that half of these kids that act the way they do now, wouldn't be like that if they had some hot leather across that a**.
Let's just play this out shall we?
Boy: Mommy, you're an idiot and I hate you.
Mom: Johnny, why do you say such mean things to me?
Boy: Because, you said I couldn't go out and play until my work was done.
Mom: Yes, I did, and I meant it. Now, do your homework.
Boy: Fu** you mom! *starts to throw hissy fit and throws book off table*
How would you handle this? TALKING? FROWNS?
The Great One has spoken.
21 Dec 04
3 edits
Originally posted by YIAMSOMEBODYMaybe I was just lucky.
With all due respect, I don't agree with your last paragraph. I only say that because children are a lot smarter than their parents give them credit for.
Words are OKAY, in some instances, but if this child is CONSTANTLY doing t ...[text shortened]... you handle this? TALKING? FROWNS?
The Great One has spoken.
By the time my kids were three years old, they were far beyond needing to be "disciplined". The only time I ever did anything to either was when I returned from Quartz Hill, Calif. where I had been working for a month -- and found my wife crying because my daughter had hit my son with a pool ball from ten paces and my son had returned fire. They ruined two doors and couple of walls in the game room. Not to mention the bruises and bodily damage to each other.
They each got a good whack with the belt. End of punishment. They were 12 and 15 at the time.
I felt bad. But not as bad as they did.
I just think that if we are "real" around our babies, they will get it. And not be a problem when they learn to walk and talk. I could be wrong though. God knows i'm good at that.
Anyway. Too late for me. I done raised my two. For better or worse.
21 Dec 04
Originally posted by StarValleyWyYes, some people do have the luxury of being "lucky" per se'. I just see children who do things time and time again as CON ARTISTS. They know the parent isn't going to do anything to them and they try them...over and over.
Maybe I was just lucky.
By the time my kids were three years old, they were far beyond needing to be "disciplined". The only time I ever did anything to either was when I retuned from Quartz Hill, Calif. where I had been working for a month -- and found my wife crying because my daughter had hit my son with a pool ball from ten paces and my son ha ...[text shortened]... problem when they learn to walk and talk. I could be wrong though. God knows i'm good at that.
Sh** like that....REQUIRES a belt.
So your mom and dad never used the belt on you?
21 Dec 04
1 edit
Originally posted by YIAMSOMEBODY<svw about chokes to death on that one>
So your mom and dad never used the belt on you? [/b]
Wait. Trying to regain myself. I fell out of the chair.
No. Dad preferred his hunting rifle. And a Bowie knife.
Mom never hit anyone in her life. She received it from the old man about three times a week. As did we all. She hurt too bad to fight anyone. Me too. Until I was 16 and big enough to take the rifle away from my dad. That was one hell of a fight. Wish you could have been there. I could have used the help.
21 Dec 04
No. Dad preferred his hunting rifle. And a Bowie knife.*eyes bug out*
Mom never hit anyone in her life. She received it from the old man about three times a week. As did we all. She hurt too bad to fight anyone. Me too. Until I was 16 and big enough to take the rifle away from my dad. That was one hell of a fight. Wish you could have been there. I could have used the help.[/b]
Sheeesh! Yeah, I would've been there to kick him in his gonads while you take the rifle and beat his fuggin' brains out! LOL
If I may ask, the reasons you don't hit your children, or didn't, falls back to how you grew up...correct?
21 Dec 04
I think there is a fine line that has to be drawn here. I'm a parent and I think I was mildy abused as a kid. By "mildy" meaning I was at times, not often, given more than just a spanking and not always by a parent. The whole point of even considering going down this road is because we want our child to respect and heed what we have to say. Realizing that the child is just being a child at times and will attempt to test their boundaries and our patience.
Do I believe spanking is justified? Depends on the circumstances but it can be so "Yes". I also believe, however, it should be a last resort. I see a great deal of parents mollycoddle their kids by offering too much comfort or affirming how "cute" they are or when they are acting inappropriately, not attempting to correct their behavior. Most of the time I have witnessed a child acting like a "brat" because the parent reinforces the behavior. As early as I could remember, I never thought of myself as a "child" and I don't think most kids think of themselves as "kids" unless they are treated as such. That's not to say when they are old enough to walk and talk you throw them the checkbook and say "Go out and get a job". You can have fun with your kids but just don't condescend to them. I think that leads down the road to bratty behavior which in turn leads to deciding to spank or not to spank....
21 Dec 04
1 edit
Originally posted by YIAMSOMEBODYYea. I used to lay awake and dream of killing my dad.
*eyes bug out*
Sheeesh! Yeah, I would've been there to kick him in his gonads while you take the rifle and beat his fuggin' brains out! LOL
If I may ask, the reasons you don't hit your children, or didn't, falls back to how you grew up...correct?
I finally had him in the sights one day and chose not to pull the trigger. I hated myself for my cowardice.
Then went crazy.
When I rebuilt myself I made a conscious decision never to be like dad. He was certifiably nuts. Meglomaniac subject to uncontrolable anger fits.
I learned. But it was not easy.
I waited for a few years from the time of my break-down until I was confident enough to get married. Then waited three more years before I would consent to have kids. I needed to be sure that I wouldn't be like HIM.
A lot of worry for nothing. It worked out just fine. Not counting all the depression and alcoholism. <grin>
21 Dec 04
Originally posted by StarValleyWyJesus Man.....sounds like it was a fun time in your household 🙁
Yea. I used to lay awake and dream of killing my dad.
I finally had him in the sights one day and chose not to pull the trigger. I hated myself for my cowardice.
Then went crazy.
When I rebuilt myself I made a conscious decision never to be like dad. He was certifiably nuts. Meglomaniac subject to uncontrolable anger fits.
I learned. But it ...[text shortened]... rry for nothing. It worked out just fine. Not counting all the depression and alcololism. <grin>
"You know, Mrs. Buchman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father."
From the movie Parenthood
21 Dec 04
Originally posted by StarValleyWyWow....we are one in the same so to speak. My father used to hit my mother as well. Although she took my bro and I from San Fran to Oklahoma, he still followed us.
Yea. I used to lay awake and dream of killing my dad.
I finally had him in the sights one day and chose not to pull the trigger. I hated myself for my cowardice.
Then went crazy.
When I rebuilt myself I made a conscious decision never to be like dad. He was certifiably nuts. Meglomaniac subject to uncontrolable anger fits.
I learned. But it ...[text shortened]... rry for nothing. It worked out just fine. Not counting all the depression and alcoholism. <grin>
His advances never worked, but it was always in the back of my mind. I'd NEVER be like that freakazoid. You can't be a man hit your woman. You can't be a man and do this and do that. That's called being a BOY.
I have his anger problem as well. When I entered the Navy, I didn't know how bad it was until they sent me to see a shrink. After that, it turned to the Chaplain. After the Chaplain, several captain's masts followed. But I'm still standing. Regardless of whatever happened in my life, I know that I only have his name....that's it.
I use those past events as a learning tool. I've gone through the depression stage as well.
You're cool in my book bro.
21 Dec 04
Originally posted by Joe FistLOL
Jesus Man.....sounds like it was a fun time in your household 🙁
"You know, Mrs. Buchman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father."
From the movie Parenthood
Ain't that the truth. My parents were too young. He was only 17 and my mom was 15 when she got pregnant. My mom's mother just loved my father. He was her favorite, and insisted that they get married.
The thing that is weird is that my dad was so violent that a court order was issued and he was locked up in the STATE mental hospital for almost a year once. They put him on some pills and turned him loose. Even after determining that he was "certifiably and irretrievably nuts". To quote the doctor who explained to me that he would never change. That made me feel better. Grimace. I was twelve at the time.
Probably explains my lack of trust in government? And the state?
21 Dec 04
Originally posted by StarValleyWyWell I have had some similiar experiences as you but I don't think quite as intense. Maybe some were, not attempting to discredit what you went through. I feel the same way about the gov't and state....go figure 🙂
LOL
Ain't that the truth. My parents were too young. He was only 17 and my mom was 15 when she got pregnant. My mom's mother just loved my father. He was her favorite, and insisted that they get married.
The thing that is weird is that my dad was so violent that a court order was issued and he was locked up in the STATE mental hospital for almo ...[text shortened]... . I was twelve at the time.
Probably explains my lack of trust in government? And the state?
21 Dec 04
Originally posted by YIAMSOMEBODYWe crazy's have to stand together. You know? It ain't easy. I don't think that kind of abuse can ever be "overcome". We just have to learn not to pass it on. That is the key.
Wow....we are one in the same so to speak. My father used to hit my mother as well. Although she took my bro and I from San Fran to Oklahoma, he still followed us.
His advances never worked, but it was always in the back of my mind. I'd NEVER be like that freakazoid. You can't be a man hit your woman. You can't be a man and do this and do t ...[text shortened]... arning tool. I've gone through the depression stage as well.
You're cool in my book bro.
I was not allowed to have friends as a kid. He wanted us home at all times. And if we invited anyone into our home... forget it. That was automatic beatings for all. Including babies in diapers. Hell. I have never to this day been called "Mike" by my father. His only regard for any of the six of us kids was just a scowl. Then you better pay close attention.
But he was the Superintendent of the Sunday school forever. And everybody loved him. To this day. A real charmer. He is in an assisted care center in Idaho now. Spends all his time working in the Idaho Falls temple. Making people love him. Gag.
21 Dec 04
Originally posted by YIAMSOMEBODYI'm from SF myself....did you grow up there?
Wow....we are one in the same so to speak. My father used to hit my mother as well. Although she took my bro and I from San Fran to Oklahoma, he still followed us.
His advances never worked, but it was always in the back of my mind. I'd NEVER be like that freakazoid. You can't be a man hit your woman. You can't be a man and do this and do t ...[text shortened]... arning tool. I've gone through the depression stage as well.
You're cool in my book bro.