Jokes

My dog has been trained to herd watermelons. (Though is not happy about it.)

He's a little melon collie.

*first day as proctologist assistant
*substitutes taser cable for colonoscopy camera

*hits the ground running

Sometimes, I use big words I don't always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis...

Q: What do rednecks and a bottle of beer have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

So annoying having to wear my glasses with a mask every day due to the pandemic.
I think I'm entitled to some condensation.

They silenced Bernie Blackbird for his dissident views.

He was a rebel without a caw.

A Texas Ranger recruit was taking a test when he was asked, "What would you do if you were ordered to arrest your own mother?"
He wrote, "Call for back up"

Spartacus said nothing when the lion ate his wife.

He was gladiator.

@ghost-of-a-duke said
Spartacus said nothing when the lion ate his wife.

He was gladiator.

i just made one up.

a man a women and a frog went out for tea. the man & women ordered the daily roast and the frog ordered 24 rabbit stew.

What does a frog order at McDonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.

I don't know the meaning of 'apocalypse.'

But hey, it's not the end of the world.

A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks the bartender
"Is this stool taken?"

Teacher: Now class, define 'indecent'. Little Johnny...?

Johnny: If it's long, hard enough, and in deep enough, it's indecent!

Recently discovered quiet tennis.

(Similar to regular tennis, but without the racket)