Jokes

Why do tennis players have problems maintaining relationships?


"Love" means nothing to them.

Hang on, Albert Einstein really existed?

I thought he was just a theoretical physicist.

Whoever airdrums to Def Leppard with two hands is insensitive.

@Gambrel
Note on using knives found in a library:

Rule 1, make sure the sharp end of the blade is down.

An old man is walking by the edge of a pond; all around, frogs are croaking. Suddenly one frog jumps up to the man's eye level and speaks to him.


Frog:Kind sir, [falls down, then jumps up again]



Frog:I am an enchanted princess, [falls down, then jumps up again]



Frog:I was cursed by a wicked witch. [falls down, then jumps up again]



Frog:If you kiss me, [falls down, then jumps up again]



Frog:I will return to my former self, [falls down, then jumps up again]



Frog:a beautiful princess, [falls down, then jumps up again]



Frog:and I will do ANYTHING you want! [falls down, then jumps up again]



The man catches the frog and tucks it into his breast pocket, then continues walking.

After a while, the frog cries out: Hey, aren't you going to kiss me ?!



Man: Nah, at my age, I'd rather have a talking frog.

Have a strange condition where I keep making airport puns.

Thankfully it isn't terminal.

People are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

@Earl-of-Trumps

Yeah, I'll bet they're floored when they find out you can't lay linoleum either.

@ghost-of-a-duke said
Have a strange condition where I keep making airport puns.

Thankfully it isn't terminal.

2500

@trev33 said
2500

I ordered an egg and a chicken from Amazon.
I'll let you know ...

I was in the checkout line at the grocery store and I asked the young man bagging groceries"Is it true you'll carry customer's groceries out to their car on request?" The young man said "Yes sir, it's a free service." I said, "Great, can you do that for me this time? " He said, "Certainly. "
So we walked to the far end of the parking lot where I parked. When we got to my car I said," I really didn't need help, I'm just extremely lazy." "So I gathered!" he said as he handed me my Milky Way.

My wife just phoned me to say that 3 girls in her office have received flowers and they are absolutely gorgeous.
I said 'that's probably why.'

@moonbus
Well in these turbulent times......