my wife...

Originally posted by Nicolaas
what she was then was wonderfull


now - she is totally not the person i married, I BIG MISTAKE!
I didnt even ask to marry her, she asked ME!

Maybe, just maybe...you should be telling her this and not us?

Originally posted by Azeri guy
do you have kids? I thing this is important. if you don't you might wanna have some... things may change after that!

Kids. I have thougt about that. I dont think kids would safe our marraige, would it?


shavixmir, how do i just tell her, its quite hard?

Originally posted by maybeONEday
Does she smoke?

Never marry a smoker.

no

Originally posted by Coconut
sigh. 🙁 i hate relationship stress. I've had too much of it in the past few months as well.

and... how is it now?

Originally posted by Nicolaas

Kids. I have thougt about that. I dont think kids would safe our marraige, would it?


shavixmir, how do i just tell her, its quite hard?

Basically you're delivering a bad news message. There are certain steps you do this by:

1. Very short intro (I would like to talk to you about...)
2. Get to the point very fast (I'm not happy in the marriage anymore).

A person receiving bad news goes through various stages: Emotional, angry, denial, acceptance. You have to give a person time.

3. Aknowledge her anger. Show that you understand the pain. Don't defend yourself. So, if she's angry and says: "How can you do this to me and the kids." Your reply is along the lines of: "I understand you are angry."

4. You can repeat the message once if it seems she's not responsive. But not more than that.


Before you go into a bad news message you should have your own aims clear. Do you want to leave a door open (so that you can try to repair the relationship) or is your decision final (the end of the story).
This is important, because at one stage (during the denial stage of things) there's a high chance you'll be confronted with the question: "Is there still hope."
If you don't know if you want to try or not you are only going to create a fuzzy message and that doesn't serve either of you.

This means thinking before opening your mouth.

Let me repeat that for you: THINK BEFORE YOU TALK

Don't forget, you will be destroying someone's hopes and dreams they have.
Yes, it happens all the time, but it's very painful and forces people to reconsider a lot about their lives. You don't want to put someone through that if you don't have to.

Think long and hard about if you can imagine ways of repairing your relationship, which would make you (and her) happy again, before ending it.

Originally posted by shavixmir
A person receiving bad news goes through various stages: Emotional, angry, denial, acceptance. You have to give a person time.

This is a constant cycle typically progressed through this order. This will keep going on and on and on. After accepting your unhappiness, she will become emotional again, and then become agry (sometimes with herself), then go into denial, etc. etc. etc.