Originally posted by Kewpie
OK, time's up, now it's voting day! We have 36 candidates, thanks to all who made the effort to participate - some more than once - and came up with some great ideas.
Vote for your favourites, for first, second and third. I've copied all into one big list, here's hoping I can get it to post. You have 48 hours to get your votes in. 🙂
1. Kewpie
There once was a girl named coquette
whose musical taste was motet
very little could find
of harmonious kind
so she started a thread for a bet.
2. wolfgang59
There once was a man called Hinds
Who to all reason was blind
He was such a clod
Believing in god
And never using his mind
3. tomtom232
There once was a man wolfgang59
who did not like RJHinds
we all know why
just wish he would die
along with the rest of his kind
4. johnnylongwoody
I played chess with a chap called Cyrus,
and his laptop got a terrible virus.
On move 59,
he had to resign,
and he sent the PGN on papyrus.
5. rookie54
i got a buddy named duecer,
for christmas he got a juicer,
he kept drinking that goop,
it threw hiz bowels inna loop,
and hiz stool got looser and looser...
6. Hand of Hecate
There once was a simpleton named VR
Who ate peanut butter from a jar
But his dog wouldn't come
When he showed him his bum
And declared that a good lick would go far.
7. coquette
there once was a grampy called bobby
who was often present in the lobby
of some he did please
while others unease
but he never ended his hobby
8. Hand of Hecate
There once was a nymph named coquette
Who was often seen carrying a racquet
She'd say "Oh let's play"
"I'd love a roll in the hay"
Surely someone will be around to crack it.
9. Kewpie
There once was a player named HoH
Who ate stuff made out of play dough
But the stuff didn't mind
To be treated unkind
It was happy to be eaten so.
10. Grampy Bobby
There once was a girl named Kewpie
whose linguistical skills were groovy.
Very few would mind
her play of mind,
so Hollywood cast her in a movie.
11. drewnogal
There was an old gal named Drew
Who thought she was Viv, Jan and Sue
Her mind went berserk
She looked such a jerk
So she's settled for Ap', Kev and Kew.
12. drewnogal
There once was a player named Bobby
Who told me about his strange hobby
Of dressing in fur
And making me purr
His antics, they got me quite wobbly.
13. Kewpie
There was a young person called Drewno
who drove a bright red Fiat Uno
She was always in strife
so she carried a knife
and frequently told us "well, you know"
14. johnnylongwoody
There once was a guy called Hecate,
who drank quite a lot of Frascati.
He spilled a lot down,
over his wife's party gown.
Now he's not allowed at the party.
15. Hand of Hecate
There once was a pervert named Woody
Who liked to shower with a buddy
If it ain't on a rope
There's no time for soap
Cuz he's up to his balls in poonanny.
16. Great Big Stees
There once was a player named Ice Cold
Who started a thread that is now old
He vanished from sight/site
And some say it was right
But other just say it was bold
17. Rank outsider
An old chicken breeder called Stees
All Canadian ladies could please
They would gasp with delight
And rejoice at the sight
Of the beautiful cock by his knees
18. Hand of Hecate
She once had a bud named Outsider
Who lusted to get inside her
With the size of his cock
There was nothing but shock
As it was less than that of a spider.
19. Kewpie
There once was a player ChessPraxis
who knew the world turned on its axis
he got into debt
and collected a bet
Now he's paying a big pile of taxes.
20. drewnogal
There was a young guy called Rookie
Subtle and crisp as a cookie
His pockets were full
Of sweet rhyme and bull
Bowls me over and worth such a lookie.
21. Kewpie
There once was a player named tom tom
Whose doorbell said, boringly, ding dong
He opened the door
To the men from the store
And spent all the winter in long johns.
22. Hand of Hecate
There once was a lass known as drewnogal
Who fancied a bit of a snoggle
When given some lip
She cut of the tip
Of johnnylongwoody's jimdangle.
23. ChessPraxis
paulbuchmanfromfics
His nick is so long it's a mess
I'd shorten somehow
Somewhere, don't know how
paulbuchmanfromfics
24. ChessPraxis
There once was a player named Huck
Who drove a fast customized truck
he hit a big lump
the bottom went bump
was totaled that really did suck
25. mikelom
There is a great player - ChessP
Always a good friend to me.
We'll always be friends
No matter the trends,
So a Happy New Year to thee!
26. mikelom
There was a young lass named drewnogal,
who the youngsters would continually ogle.
She just didn't know,
But she still had the flow,
And was deemed as the town's greatest mogul !
27. drewnogal
There was young hunk named Mike
A gentleman who I real like
His wife has a gem
Does what she says when
She told me to go take a hike.
28. johnnylongwoody
There was a guy called chesspraxis
who refused to pay any more taxes.
He told the congress,
he wants to pay less,
or he'll be leaving in several taxis.
29. wolfgang59
Once was a gent called GreenPawn
Who chessed from dusk to dawn
When his wife had a moan
He said with a groan
Would you rather I google some porn?
30. wolfgang59
Once was a gent VR
His pedantry went too far
Said to Wolfgang59
"Oi - that don't rhyme"
And started a limerick war!
31. mikelom
I don't understand the scorn
For a word that rhymes with 'dawn'.
It's clear to see,
to all and me,
that the word is indeed, simply, 'porn'!
32. ChessPraxis
There once was a guy named mikelom
from a flood sadly lost his loved home
he stuck it out tough
when the going got rough
he used what he had in his dome
33. ChessPraxis
There once was a guy Handy Andy
who got into some fine old aged brandy
when the ladies dropped by
he did more than say hi
now we all know why he we call Andy Handy
34. rookie54
very rusty would not shut the f<>ck up,
and words kept flowing from his gut,
he wouldn't write a limerick,
he must be playing with hiz dick,
he'd do better with his keyboard up hiz butt...
35. johnnylongwoody
Rookie met a girl called Anne Holt.
Up the aisle they decided to bolt.
He said you are he one,
took out his big tazer gun
and gave her a few thousand volts.
36 Zamboner
There once was a fella named Rusty
Who was so full of air he was gusty
Folks would wonder in vain
If he'd e'er use his brain
But instead it went idle and dusty
My votes (of course, I can't vote for my own work, much as I may admire it) go to:
First . . : 36. Zamboner, for the beautiful rhythm of his limerick
Second: 33. ChessPraxis, even if he got a bit dyslexic on the last line (we all knew he meant "now we all know why we call Andy Handy" )
Third . . : 7. coquette, for a neat bit of rhyming. Would you ever have thought of please and unease fitting together?
Overall I thought they were a great bunch, it was hard for me to pick out three.
Originally posted by KewpieThere once was a lass named Kewpie
My votes (of course, I can't vote for my own work, much as I may admire it) go to:
First . . : 36. [b]Zamboner, for the beautiful rhythm of his limerick
Second: 33. ChessPraxis, even if he got a bit dyslexic on the last line (we all knew he meant "now we all know why we call Andy Handy" )
Third . . : 7. coquette, for a neat bit of rhymi ...[text shortened]... gether?
Overall I thought they were a great bunch, it was hard for me to pick out three.[/b]
Who thought my limerick was poopy
I don't know why
She must've been hi
In hindsight she seems kinda loopy
😀
Originally posted by Very RustyOn a point of order. The original terms were:
Some of them just look like excuses to be ignorant and rude!
must be not too smutty
I took this to mean that they must be smutty but not too much. In keeping with the long and noble traditions of limericks.
All limericks which are not smutty at all should be disqualified!
😉
Originally posted by Kewpie8, 36 & 20. Voted for myself of course.
1. Kewpie
There once was a girl named coquette
whose musical taste was motet
very little could find
of harmonious kind
so she started a thread for a bet.
2. wolfgang59
There once was a man called Hinds
Who to all reason was blind
He was such a clod
Believing in god
And never using his mind
3. tomtom232
There once w ...[text shortened]... e'er use his brain
But instead it went idle and dusty