Originally posted by royalchickenI'm not sure, at least I've never heard of them. I wonder if Nemesio can compose a Latin Haiku...
Oh dear 😕. Now I don't know if you got the joke. Are Trojan condoms even sold in this country?
Lupine haikus and Neo-Kantian haikus might be good too.
Cast your votes
Entry 1:
"Ye olde pirate song
Most days are like all of the others,
Go to work, come back home, watch TV,
But, brother, if I had me druthers,
I'd chuck it and head out to sea,
For I dream of the skull and the crossbones,
I dream of the great day to come,
When I dump the mundane for the Old Spanish Main
And trade my computer for rum! ARRR!
When we hoist Jolly Roger the landlubbers dodge 'er,
We fill 'em with loathing and fear,
We'll plunder and pillage each city and village,
Or at least clean out Wal-Mart of beer!
There ain't no computin' or morning commutin',
No "Parking Lot Full" signs for me,
No lawns ta be mowin' or bills to be owin',
I'm knowin' the pull of the sea.
To wear a red coat full o' buckles,
To earn a few duelling scars,
Well, at least we can get a few chuckles
By filling the office with ARRRs!
And maybe we'll never get closer,
Than watchin' 'em on the big screen,
So here's to old Errol and Depp as Jack Sparrow,
And every damn one in between!"
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Entry 2:
"
Ode to Britney
I once met Justin Timberlake,
going back a couple of years
It was just after his break
with the lovely Britney Spears.
I didn't much like him, he even tried to hit me,
when I posed to him the question;
did he really Spear Britney?
Britney Spears your skin does shine
your lips do pout and lyrics rhyme,
my eyes towards your breasts incline;
so hit me, Britney, one more time."
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ENTRY 4
"
Doc S: Drop tha beat, one two three four
Sheep: Who's dat Wolf blowin' down tha door,
Sheep: Huffin' and puffin' like he's got a grudge?
Doc S: Oh, snap, I think tha door's startin' to budge!
Doc S: Fo' rizzle my shizzle, and I'm bringin' tha shears
Doc S: I'm that Wolf that be causin' all yo' fears
Sheep: Baa! Baa! You'll never get in!
Sheep: Not by the white hairs on my chin.
Sheep: Plus we got you banned, you have to keep out!
Doc S: I'm a blow once more, you better watch out
Doc S: Whoosh! Whoosh! Now here I come
Sheep: Baa! Baa! Come, flock, let's run!
Doc S: Not so fast my fluffy friend
Sheep: Oh, please don't Doc, don't shear me again
Sheep: I'll tell you what, let's make a deal
Sheep: If I can keep my hair, then I won't squeal
Sheep: I won't complain and get you banned
Doc S: OK, deal. Now shake my hand
Sheep: Thank you, Doc, now friends we'll be
Sheep: From now throughout eternity
What happened then can only be
Called an act of cruelty
The Wolf took his hoof, as if to shake
And threw the sheep into the lake.
He howled and howled with great delight
Doc S: We'll meet again and surely fight
Sheep: Not if I get you banned again!
And the Wolf stalked off, back to his den."
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ENTRY 3:
Down the memory hole.
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ENTRY 4
"
Doc S: Drop tha beat, one two three four
Sheep: Who's dat Wolf blowin' down tha door,
Sheep: Huffin' and puffin' like he's got a grudge?
Doc S: Oh, snap, I think tha door's startin' to budge!
Doc S: Fo' rizzle my shizzle, and I'm bringin' tha shears
Doc S: I'm that Wolf that be causin' all yo' fears
Sheep: Baa! Baa! You'll never get in!
Sheep: Not by the white hairs on my chin.
Sheep: Plus we got you banned, you have to keep out!
Doc S: I'm a blow once more, you better watch out
Doc S: Whoosh! Whoosh! Now here I come
Sheep: Baa! Baa! Come, flock, let's run!
Doc S: Not so fast my fluffy friend
Sheep: Oh, please don't Doc, don't shear me again
Sheep: I'll tell you what, let's make a deal
Sheep: If I can keep my hair, then I won't squeal
Sheep: I won't complain and get you banned
Doc S: OK, deal. Now shake my hand
Sheep: Thank you, Doc, now friends we'll be
Sheep: From now throughout eternity
What happened then can only be
Called an act of cruelty
The Wolf took his hoof, as if to shake
And threw the sheep into the lake.
He howled and howled with great delight
Doc S: We'll meet again and surely fight
Sheep: Not if I get you banned again!
And the Wolf stalked off, back to his den."
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Entry 5
"Zodiac
Sick of living
Unwilling to die
Here is a cypher:
Bates had to die
And there will be more.
A golf course in Vallejo
Not near Lake Herman
Western brand ammo
Ten shots fired
Here is a cypher:
The boy was on his back
His knees to the car
I shall be very happy
To supply some more
Material
Here is a cypher:
You will find my name
In there"
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ENTRY 6 (first draft)
"A fruit so bittersweet, it tasted like logic burnt,
The process leaves me cold, but the curse it carries me,
comforting me through the ages
of passage
As I carry the seed
Deep down inside I know,
The answers are always easy to the questions you ask,
But why do I look at you when you look at me,
and
You ask me why I bleed
Through the ages we've
passed it down, never holding it ourselves, because,
because the thought of it makes us, it defines us
it's us
and yet we still deny
The terrified shrieks they haunt me,
They consume my dreams, images so vivid
so startling that I cannot bear to think I'm the cause
and still
You ask me why I cry
Together we have brought ourselves to this
to a struggle we may not win, only slowly do we realize
our understanding is our curse, it's the path we chose
you and I
though we cannot fathom why
Does he carry your curse? The one I hold?
the innocence leaves him by the day, you say,
You say he carries your name, does he also carry the blame?
I say
I think we should not lie
Together we shall take him, by the hand
through this land, from others who would taint him,
I take him, slowly I bring to him the understanding
though I wish
I wish I could leave him be
He looks up to us, wanting what we have,
in his heart he slowly comes to know us, and we him
though better off we left him, as he was, like we were
before the time
the time I knew to cry"
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ENTRY 7
"
The Astral Sonnet
I am a seer of beautiful things;
hate and sorrow and the pleasure of pain
I am the possessor of angel's wings;
feathered emotion on which I have lain
Though joy may hunt me and living stings,
its ageing sunset with practice feigns
and tricks me with the song it sings;
its wailing verse and curt refrains
I glimpse the lives of countless kings,
the struggle of their solar reigns
But now have I seen all I can sustain,
the task and the endless duty it brings
With celestial abandon I move from this plane,
the tangled skein to which life clings.
My heart is tired, its rhythm wanes,
my spirit, in universal resonance, rings"
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ENTRY 8:
ALL HAIL BIG CATS!
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ENTRY 9
"
Popularity
I'm sitting here in sociology,
I'd rather now play chess.
Instead we talk of economy-
I really couldn't care less.
Who needs an education?
Just throw the books away!
Let's all go on vacation,
We need a holiday.
Look at all those fashion victims,
running through our world.
Jealousy does cause some friction
between them boys and girls.
Make-up, clothing and CD's,
I need every one of these.
Superficial conversation-
who needs a stupid revelation?
Believe in everything you hear,
for if you don't, you soon will fear
the loneliness and clarity
that come from unpopularity.
So who needs physics anyway?
Algebra won't make my day.
All that matters is good looks
and women have to be good cooks!
Skimpy dresses, pointy shoes,
you have nothing much to lose!
All you need's a push-up bra
and you'll be the evenings secret star!
Party hard and party long,
and hear them sing for you a song.
But when you wake the other day,
you'll find they've all gone out to play.
They left you here all by yourself,
to rot alone in the back of a shelf.
A popular saying you might recall:
"What goes up has got to fall".
The downward plunge has long begun,
And clouds have covered up your sun.
But since you don't know economy,
and you don't know nothin' 'bout chemistry,
all you ever wanted was a holiday-
for this, my dear, you now will pay."
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ENTRY 10:
"Large poo crumbs
T'was as such it did happen
I was wiping my bum,
A bit of poo dropped,
and became a large crumb,
It found a tight spot,
And there it did lay,
It went quite unnoticed,
For more than a day,
Then along came a friend,
With a child and all,
The child was five,
But the friend is quite tall,
We sat and drank coke,
The child went to play,
We talked and ate cookies,
On that warm summer's day,
"Mum...Charles goes wee wee"
Said Charles at four,
"You know where it is..."
He went to the door.
A child's pee later,
He returned to his ma,
And opened his hand,
and muttered a: "Da?"
"A cookie I think."
"Or maybe some paste?"
She broke off a piece,
And ventured a taste,
Licking her lips,
She said: "That's not too bad."
"Infact it reminds me,
A bit of your dad.""
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ENTRY 11
"IN THE DARK
I am so scared and lonely
Please give me a cuddle
I want to spoon you
Is that your hand?
Is that your foot?
What is that on my nethers that thou hast put?
I am a little lamb
My fleece is white
As snow
As the white blinding perusticuse of SNOW!
PLEASE Understand
I am a innocent lamb
And I don't want to be rude
And I don't want to be crude
But listen here dude
I j