12 Feb 07
Originally posted by GinoJmaybe you should use a shorter quote that is catchy, or some kind of play on words or something
My chess idol, four-time-world champion, the legendary Alexander Alekhine summarized the psychological aspects of the game very efficiently: “One has to have a knowledge of human nature and the opponent’s psychology for the purpose of the chess struggle. In earlier times, the struggle was conducted only by means of the pieces, we, on the other hand, struggle ( ...[text shortened]... istics and last but not least with his vanity.”
is this better or same or even more boring?
12 Feb 07
Originally posted by GinoJi think the first one is better than the revised one, you made the revised on longer but i do not think that makes it better
I wrote this paper last month. The assignment was "Write about something you like and you have enough knowledge".
Now this is another assignment : "Revise one of your papers you wrote before".
And the original Paper is below which I got 34 our of 35. The revised is the one I previously posted which I am trying to fix.
I hope it's clear.
The or ...[text shortened]... kills and long-term memory. This is why chess is considered the ultimate psychological war.
12 Feb 07
1 edit
Originally posted by EcstremeVenomYeah. Thanks for your ginuwine post.
i think the first one is better than the revised one, you made the revised on longer but i do not think that makes it better
So, taking my first original paper. What opinions could be added changed revised do you think?
Do you have any concrete suggestions?
12 Feb 07
Originally posted by GinoJFirst, you should try to acquire a sense of humo(u)r .. and then go for an imagination.
Hi Fellow RHP members,
I wrote a “crappy” essay about why I like chess. Below is what I come up with so far. However, I need to revise it before I turn in this Tuesday.
I desperately need help in editing and grammar. I would greatly appreciate if anyone could suggest any worthwhile ideas to add to the essay or to delete any unnecessary ideas. Sorry, my ...[text shortened]... e skills and long-term memory. This is why it is considered the ultimate psychological war game.
If all else fails .. dazzle 'em with BS.
12 Feb 07
1 edit
Originally posted by EcstremeVenom...goin' back to the first problem again because this is the main addition to the original essay.
maybe you should use a shorter quote that is catchy, or some kind of play on words or something
My favorite chess player the legendary grandmaster Alekhine summarized the psychological aspects of the game very efficiently: “One has to have a knowledge of human nature and the opponent’s psychology for the purpose of the chess struggle. We not only struggle with the chess pieces but also with our opponent, our enemy, with his will-power, his nerves, his individual characteristics and last but not least with his vanity.”
How about now?
12 Feb 07
1 edit
Originally posted by jammerYes. Thank you.
Tell 'em what you're going to tell 'em.
Tell 'em
Tell 'em what you told 'em.
......................
simply formula, but effective.
However, I have told what I needed to tell. I wrote a final essay (check above) and I have revised so little so far.
I need CONCRETE and genuine opinions. For example, somthin' like take out the quote and say "Fischerrandom chess is really cool" or somethin' 😛
12 Feb 07
1 edit
Originally posted by GinoJI'm afraid i'm too thick to know what fischerrandom means 😕
Yes. Thank you.
However, I have told what I needed to tell. I wrote a final essay (check above) and I have revised so little so far.
I need CONCRETE and genuine opinions. For example, somthin' like take out the quote and say "Fischerrandom chess is really cool" or somethin' 😛
12 Feb 07
1 edit
Originally posted by huckleberryhoundYeah, I think it's unnecessary to add that. That was kinda joke idea.
I'm afraid i'm too thick to know what fischerrandom means 😕
My point is I need some good ol' Editors here whose native language is English.
And some concrete ideas or sentences.
edit: or remove
12 Feb 07
Originally posted by GinoJi have no idea why you didnt get a perfect score, maybe your syntax was too simple?
Yes. Thank you.
However, I have told what I needed to tell. I wrote a final essay (check above) and I have revised so little so far.
I need CONCRETE and genuine opinions. For example, somthin' like take out the quote and say "Fischerrandom chess is really cool" or somethin' 😛
12 Feb 07
1 edit
Originally posted by EcstremeVenomForget about the score. It's not important, the more important thing is that I chose this essay to revise since I got full credits from all others.
i have no idea why you didnt get a perfect score, maybe your syntax was too simple?
The professor gave note outta 5 for the original essay . This might be helpul:
Focus: 5 (clear focus)
Topic Sentence: 5 (appropriate)
Use of Details: 4 (Ok, Give an actual example of playing chess)
Overall Flow of The Writing: 5 (Clear and Understandable)
Sentence Structure: 5 (Clear Sentences)
Other Grammar Issues: 5 (No Problems)
Process Pieces: 5 (All parts included)
Plus Factores: None
Total Points: 34 out of 35
12 Feb 07
Originally posted by GinoJif you did want a full credit, you could squeeze in one sentence describing a victory by your favorite chess player much like you did with your favorite quote of your favorite chess player
Forget about the score. It's not important, the more important thing is that I chose this essay to revise since I got full credits from all others.
The professor gave note outta 5 for the original essay . This might be helpul:
Focus: 5 (clear focus)
Topic Sentence: 5 (appropriate)
Use of Details: 4 (Ok, Give an actual example of playing chess)
Overa ...[text shortened]... lems)
Process Pieces: 5 (All parts included)
Plus Factores: None
Total Points: 34 out of 35