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Your favorite Chess Joke

Your favorite Chess Joke

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M

St. Paul, Minnesota

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Originally posted by Deep Thoughtless
it's old but needs to be included here:

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?," they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Someone referred to it, but no one actually posted the joke. Indeed, a classic. 🙂

FL

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I keep seeing your name in these forums, MrHand, and every time I do I wince as I think of the tragic story of "Mr Hands":

**** WARNING THIS IS A HORRIBLE STORY - READ AT YOUR PERIL ****
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenneth_Pinyan

I'm very glad that your avatar is a dog and not a horse. At least, I think I'm glad.

d

Joined
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Originally posted by Fat Lady
I keep seeing your name in these forums, MrHand, and every time I do I wince as I think of the tragic story of "Mr Hands":

**** WARNING THIS IS A HORRIBLE STORY - READ AT YOUR PERIL ****
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenneth_Pinyan

I'm very glad that your avatar is a dog and not a horse. At least, I think I'm glad.
Oh my god. I just thought, "well yeah, how bad a wiki article could be?" when I read your warning, and man, it was horrible.

"As there was no law against humanely fu.king one horse, the prosecutors could only charge Tait with trespassing." To see such expression on wiki made me laugh inevitably though.

greenpawn34

e4

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Fat Lady quote:

"I keep seeing your name in these forums, MrHand, and every time
I do I wince as I think of the tragic story of "Mr Hands"

I thought straight away of Israel Hands from Treasure Island.

Read about the guy on your post.... I've heard of the Horse Whisperer...

There was a guy in Cornwall who was arrested for trying to have a
sexual relationship with a dolphin.

He was arrested - but let off with a warning..

The Judge said;

""Leave that dolphin alone...there are plenty more fish in the sea."

M

St. Paul, Minnesota

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Oh my. Well, I am not any sort of re-incarnation of that, erm, horse lover.

The moniker is actually after that piece of classic art, "Fast Times at Ridgemont High." To be honest, I sort of regret using it as a nickname here as I could have surely came up with something more clever, like "learnchess" (I love chandler cornered). However, I first learned of this site from a football/soccer chat board where I also use this nickname.

Someone at that football site proposed that we come here to have a chess tournament. I rue the day because it rekindled a passion for chess that has blossomed into full on addiction. My wife rues it too!

Btw, I've progressed from the group stage to the elimination round (we used a sort of world cup format of course). Unfortunately I've drawn the toughest draw for the quarter final.

I played a little in middle school for our school team. Then only played VERY casually since then. Now I'm an aspiring woodpusher.

Mr. Hand, NOT Hands, at your service...erm, let me rephrase that, here to enjoy the site with you.

OK, from off topic to sort of back on topic:

Q: Why do they put fences around graveyards?
A: do I really have to answer? ok, because people are dying to get in.

X

Joined
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Originally posted by Fat Lady
I keep seeing your name in these forums, MrHand, and every time I do I wince as I think of the tragic story of "Mr Hands":

**** WARNING THIS IS A HORRIBLE STORY - READ AT YOUR PERIL ****
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenneth_Pinyan

I'm very glad that your avatar is a dog and not a horse. At least, I think I'm glad.
crap thats gross!😲

RC

In the ****

Joined
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The other day I told the captain of my team that my wife had threatened to leave me if I didn't give up playing chess.

"Why that's terrible", he said.

"Yes", I replied, "I shall really miss her".

p

Joined
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31 Jul 08
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Capablanca is dead (since a loooooooooong time ago)... so, the bad news was that the fellow would die...

c

USA

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22 Dec 05
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31 Jul 08
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The shortest chess joke:

A blonde playing chess

FL

Joined
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Originally posted by chesskid001
The shortest chess joke:

A blonde playing chess
This one is pretty good:
http://www.liverpoolchessinternational.co.uk/lci_2007/eu_2006/images/eu_photos/round_02/Jack%20Rudd.jpg

ParShooter

San Francisco, CA US

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09 Jan 07
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Originally posted by Fat Lady
This one is pretty good:
http://www.liverpoolchessinternational.co.uk/lci_2007/eu_2006/images/eu_photos/round_02/Jack%20Rudd.jpg
Does he ever play black? If so, does he make a trip to the hair salon first?

Mahout

London

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04 Nov 05
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01 Aug 08
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Originally posted by Deep Thoughtless
it's old but needs to be included here:

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?," they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
I'm sure there is something missing in this joke. Isn't there supposed to be a word or two to connect it with Christmas so that "Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer" is a malapropism based on the rather lovely Chrismassy tradition of having some:"Chestnuts roasting in an open fire".

C

Chess Incubator

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01 Aug 08
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Originally posted by emanon
"So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov - Problem was, we had a checkered tablecloth and it took him two hours to pass the salt!"



Really funny!

s

Joined
09 Aug 06
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This one actually happened:
A candidate master was playing the veteran german grandmaster Hubner in a tournment back in the 80's.
The candidate master, quite anxious for playing a top grandmaster, wanted to get a draw as soon as possible, and offered it already in the 10th move:
Draw?
Too early...replied Hubner.
10 moves later the master tried again:
Draw?
Too late...

L

Joined
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01 Aug 08
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Fight against doping in RHP

In order to restore the True Spirit of Chess... please find here the
World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) prohibited list:

http://www.wada-ama.org/rtecontent/document/2008_List_En.pdf

I suggest random control (@home and @work) for all players!

PS - Fight also against “illicit boosted internet connexions” like ADSL!

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