31 Jan 07
Originally posted by eamon oI have none. Openess and blunt honesty are great tools of preventing just such a thing. 🙂
no i meant the real guilty secret 😉
😕
Ok, I have a real guilty secret. A few years back I had really wicked sex with
this woman I've known since highschool. Her husband doesn't know, and
every time I see them I feel a bit guilty inside. But, I promised her not to
tell, and so I won't. 😞
31 Jan 07
Originally posted by stockenHA, I have the video, and it'l cost you plenty🙂
I have none. Openess and blunt honesty are great tools of preventing just such a thing. 🙂
😕
Ok, I have a real guilty secret. A few years back I had really wicked sex with
this woman I've known since highschool. Her husband doesn't know, and
every time I see them I feel a bit guilty inside. But, I promised her not to
tell, and so I won't. 😞
31 Jan 07
1 edit
The courts and police mess up too much - sometimes deliberately, given recent cases where forensic scientists have deliberately placed fingerprints on vital evidence - for anyone to place any kind of credence in capital punishment. As for rehabilitation, it doesn't exist: you can educate and teach people to rehabilitate themselves, but you can't force criminals to reform. I'm surprised by how breezy people are being here, though, given that this is a complex psychopathology which may one day be susceptible to psycho-chemical remedy...personally I have fewer problems working with paedophiles than I do with working alongside heroin addicts or sadists.
01 Feb 07
Originally posted by Daemon SinThere is absolutely nothing light-hearted about the chat in question, so kindly don't trivialise the idea.
So in your ideal world where Mr. Deviant sits down for a light hearted chat about how he'd like to "partake in the sodamy of few primary school children" or "kidnapp then brutally rape and torture a youung girl over a period weeks", what would you say to him?
"No Mr. Deviant! That's naughty! You shouldn't be thinking like that". A little too obvious pe ...[text shortened]... trenchcoat with a pocket full of chloroform.... just as long as no one finds out.
Stocken is absolutely correct in saying that being unable to discuss thoughts and fantasies about shameful actions (note, not necessarily criminal actions) only makes it harder for the person in question to deal with what is going through their head.
They will attempt to 'white-knuckle' their way past the problem rather than dealing with whatever underlying issues are making them feel that way. They will probably fail, and ultimately are more likely to act out their fantasies when the internal pressure becomes too much.
01 Feb 07
Originally posted by EsotericIs that the movie with Kevin Bacon? If it was, it was a very powerful movie, but he re-offended anyway. Shocked the crap out of me.
Watch The Woodsman. Good movie that deals with this issue.
Guys, we all have our own moral code and being humans the limits vary for us all.
The boundries of acceptable behaviour cannot include the sexual abuse of child, woman or man.
These people re-offend, society cannot afford to have them back in the mainstream.
01 Feb 07
All sex offenders should not be treated equally. In the UK, anyone cautioned or convicted under the Sexual Offences Act can be placed on the sexual offenders register. This potentially includes underage teenagers engaged in consensual sex, as well as adults convicted for child abuse and rape.
The worst offences are hard to forgive. It is perhaps easier to forgive though if there is genuine contrition, and if we are convinced that the offender has changed his ways. While I am a firm believer that criminals should be reintegrated into society and given a chance to lead a 'normal' life, violent sex offenders present a particular problem because in some cases it appears that they have developed a pathological obsession which may never entirely go away. I have read interviews with violent sex offenders who have said 'you cannot rehabilitate me'.
I think we need to be more discerning in the differences between sex offenders, many of whom can be rehabilitated, but also recognise that there will be a few for whom long term imprisonment or supervision is the only option.
01 Feb 07
Originally posted by Turtlestackthere are surely several groups including:
Should they be forgiven because of time served or are these crimes too terrible to allow the person to ever reintegrate with society?
1/ people who are "too bad" and beyond rehabilitation, who must be kept away from people who they WILL harm regardless,
2/ people who we might be able to rehabiltate reliably in the future with improved technology/understanding.
3/ people who are simply persecuted by society for stupid reasons, and who should be allowed to live their lives as they please when we can get over our stupid issues.
01 Feb 07
Originally posted by orfeoTrue. And if they instead learn about what's causing their problems, it will
They will attempt to 'white-knuckle' their way past the problem rather than dealing with whatever underlying issues are making them feel that way.
be less of a problem.
I also think it's important to differentiate between someone who
fantasises all the time, out of control, and someone who thinks about a
lot of other things, but has the occasional dark thoughts popping up in
relevant situations.
A lot of times I think people who goes to the extreme (and this is true
for anything really) are in danger of losing perspective on things, and
that's when it gets too serious and difficult to deal with single handedly.
This is why, if you have friends that seem totally preoccupied with one
thing alone (whatever it may be), it's not a bad idea to drag them out
into something completely different; disperse their minds a little. You
don't need to criticise them for being extreme about something, or talk
about it even, that can put nudges on your friendship.
For instance, a friend of mine got all caught up in that game world of
warcraft (I think it was called) where he played online against a lot of
different opponents. I tried to get him out for weeks and finally just
decided to skip what I had on my schedule, go over there, drag him out
of bed (at lunchtime) and take him out for a walk and a talk. Turned out
he'd been sitting up every night for almost two weeks playing this game.
He didn't look for a new job. He didn't think much about paying bills or
getting proper meals. But worst of all, he openly admitted to not having
wanted sex all this time! Now, you know there's something not right
when a guy like that, who's always had an incredible appetite for sex,
doesn't even think about it much any more. All he thought about was
focused on that game. I think he realised the problem when he talked
about it himself, but I'm not going to leave him alone like that for two
weeks again. I'm really worried about him.
But, what I wanted to say with this, is that when you get preoccupied with
just one thing, and allow your entire world of thoughts to circle around it,
it can get dangerous for your personal mental health to the point where
you can't really focus on anything else even if you try; you don't
want to focus on anything else. That's when you need a good friend
to kick your arse and get your mind going on all relevant grays again. I
have such friends, and I hope I'm good at being such a friend. It's
always easy to see other people's problems, but you need a good friend
to kick your arse about your own problems.
So, back to the subject, if someone with shameful fantasies are allowed
to not only talk about it with friends (and possibly therapists) without
feeling judged or disliked for it, but also can be given the opportunity
to not think about it, it helps put their problem in perspective. And
that can go a long way in trivialising it for themselves to the point where
it really isn't a big problem for them any more (even if for the moment).
I think there's too little heart and too much self-righteous "if I can stay
away from this, you must be able to" kind of thinking. We're all coming
from different perspectives and we can all use a little understanding and
help sometimes. There's nothing shameful about that. So, judge less
and help more, if I may be so bold as to suggest that to those who
wants to nuder or decapitate sex criminals.
03 Feb 07
Originally posted by TurtlestackI think they should be forgiven, but shouldn't be able to reintegeate with society since the urges might still be there.
Should they be forgiven because of time served or are these crimes too terrible to allow the person to ever reintegrate with society?
I propose that we do to them what the British did with their criminals, find a deserted island (for the British it was Australia) and create a penal colony where they can live among themselves in peace.
Hell, do that with all the criminals, it would save the cost of building jails.
Sounds draconian and cruel, but consider the alternative.