A Catholic priest and a rabbi were seated next to each other on a plane. The priest asked, “Rabbi, is it still the case that Jews are forbidden to eat pork?”
“Yes, father,” answered the rabbi, “at least, for orthodox Jews.”
“Tell me,” continued the priest, “ did you ever succumb to temptation?”
“Yes, father,” answered the rabbi, “I once tasted a ham sandwich.”
“Hmmm,” mused the priest.
Presently the rabbi asked, “Tell me, father, is it still required that Catholic priests remain celibate?”
“Yes,” answered the priest.
“And did you ever succumb to temptation?” continued the rabbi.
“Yes,” said the priest.
After a thoughtful pause, the rabbi said, “Sure beats a ham sandwich!”
"Canadian Association of Retired People Questions and Answers from CARP Forum:
Q: Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them?
A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.
Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-60 year-old husband?
A: Tell him you're pregnant.
Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?
A: Take off your glasses.
Q: Why should 60 plus year old people use valet parking?
A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.
Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.
Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.
Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A: On their foreheads.
Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A: "Gosh, I remember these!"
SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor!" (an email today from a friend in New England)
On his deathbed....
Doug Smith is on his deathbed, and knows the end is near.
His nurse, wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him.
"So", he says to them:
"Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Pall Mall."
"Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the
Thames."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Doug slips away, she says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated all this property".
Sarah replies, "Property? ..................
"The loser delivered newspapers!"
A man met a beautiful blonde lady, and decided he wanted to marry her
right away.
She said, “But we don’t know anything about each other.”
He said, “That’s all right. We’ll learn about each other as we go along.”
Thus, she consented.
They were married, and off they went on honeymoon to Southport.
One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10m board, and did a two-and-a-half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position; at which point he straightened out and cut through the water like a sharp knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on his towel.
She said, “That was incredible!”
He said, “I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we’d learn more about each other as we go along.”
Suddenly, she got up and jumped into the pool. She started doing lengths, and after seventy-five lengths she climbed back out of the pool, and also lay down on her towel, hardly out of breath.
He said, “That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?”
“No”, she said; “I was a prostitute in Birkenhead, but I worked both sides of the Mersey.”
