I was bragging to my mate about how good I was with this bird in bed, I said " hey Jim I must of been red hot with this girl in bed ,every time I gave her a thrust her legs shot up in the air " Jim replied " oh yer , I was talking to her the other day she said she forgot to take her tights off "
Cop: Ma'am, I pulled you over for speeding.
Old Lady: But I wasn't speeding - the sign said 45 miles per hour.
Cop: Ma'am, that the route sign - you're on Highway 45.
He then notices two older women in the back seat, ashen-faced.
Cop: Are you two okay?
Lady in back seat: Yes, but we just got off Highway 105.
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Originally posted by PonderableA man sits down in the train, and the man opposite him takes a cucumber out of his bag, starts slicing it, opens the window, and tosses the slices out one by one. Of course our man wonders what that was all about, so he asks him. "It's to ward off roving hordes of wildebeest." "What? You're nuts, we're in Surrey, there are no wildebeest here!" "See - it works!"
Two frined meet and talk about their life.
The one says: "My threatened to divorce me if I take part in the chess tournament this weekend."
"What will you do?"
"e4 - as usual"
Originally posted by Ponderablejust not funny pondy /How do you know when a German has been in your back yard France has surrendered and Berlin has been decimated.
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage.
He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
My wife just told me she going for a breast enlargement operation.
She said it was going to be performed In a top London clinic so it was going to cost me a lot of money.
I said why not get a sheet of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts once a day.
Hows that going to make them any bigger she shrieked.
Buggered if I know but it worked on your ass.
Originally posted by PonderableSpeaking of GDR humor, people there used to have some really pithy sayings:
An old political one:
how will the GDR look like in 2014?
It won't be there it will have turned 65 and made into the west 😉
(This joke refers to teh fact that people older than 65 were allowed to emigrate into the FRG. In fact now we do have 2014 and the GDR has ceased to exist. Never underestimate the power of a political joke)
"They (the govt) pretend to pay us and we pretend to work." (The Ostmark was worthless. It was non-convertible and one couldn't buy anything one really wanted).
"We are certain about the future; it's the past we don't know." (referring to Marxist revisionism: past heroes were vilified and past traitors were rehabilitated.)