Go back
Jokes

Jokes

General

F

Joined
28 Oct 05
Moves
34587
Clock
11 Jan 23

My wife asked me why I don't treat her like I did when were dating. So, I took her out for dinner and a movie. And then dropped her at her parents'.

F

Joined
28 Oct 05
Moves
34587
Clock
11 Jan 23

Yesterday, I read an article about the negative effects of drinking alcohol. It scared the life out of me. I am never going to read it again.

Shallow Blue

Joined
18 Jan 07
Moves
12477
Clock
11 Jan 23

@ponderable said
I will bite: trilingual?

The joke I know is
What do you call a person speaking three languages? - trilingual
What do you call a person speaking two languages? - bilingual
Waht do you call a person speaking only one language? Hidden content removed
That's the one I meant. Except the last answer is
English
; an
American
is someone who doesn't even speak his own language fluently.

F

Joined
28 Oct 05
Moves
34587
Clock
11 Jan 23

You don't have to worry about your laptop or phone spying on you. It's that vacuum cleaner that's been gathering dirt for years.

Ponderable
chemist

Linkenheim

Joined
22 Apr 05
Moves
667643
Clock
11 Jan 23

@fmf said
Fastidious Note: wouldn't "a Briton" or "British" be funnier and more on the nose?

Almost a quarter of Americans are biligual. Tens of millions of them speak both Spanish and English, for example.
Ok.

mandatory joke:

The British Ambassador walked briskly into the foyer of a Washington hotel, and stopped for a moment to speak with one of the bright-buttoned servitors in the lobby. After he walked on, an assistant manager who had noted the incident, went over to the boy and said, "What did the Ambassador want?"
"I don't know," answered the bell-hop. "He couldn't speak English."

Fun fact from my own experience. On an intenrational conference a chinese scientist was presenting a poster, a US scientist walked up and asked a question. Says the presenter: "Could you speak English, please?"

F

Joined
28 Oct 05
Moves
34587
Clock
12 Jan 23

I wish someone could tell me what "IDK" means. I keep asking them and they say "I don't know".

F

Joined
28 Oct 05
Moves
34587
Clock
12 Jan 23

My wife told me to stop impersonating flamingos. So I had to put my foot down.

Kevin Eleven

Joined
06 May 15
Moves
27445
Clock
17 Jan 23

My robot learned how to smell like a dog,
so I gave it a bath.

I won't do that again.

Ponderable
chemist

Linkenheim

Joined
22 Apr 05
Moves
667643
Clock
20 Jan 23

How do doggy robots do?

They byte!

BigDogg
Secret RHP coder

on the payroll

Joined
26 Nov 04
Moves
155080
Clock
25 Jan 23

Many have heard of Karl Marx, but what they DON'T know is that he had a famous sister.

Her name was Anya, and she invented the starting pistol.

moonbus
Über-Nerd (emeritus)

Joined
31 May 12
Moves
8703
Clock
26 Jan 23

@bigdogg said
Many have heard of Karl Marx, but what they DON'T know is that he had a famous sister.

Hidden content removed
Sorry, I draw a blank.

Ponderable
chemist

Linkenheim

Joined
22 Apr 05
Moves
667643
Clock
26 Jan 23

@moonbus said
Sorry, I draw a blank.
On your marks, ready set go Anya somehow sounds like "on your"...

Joke: Why was the DJ disqualified from the 100m?

He kept changing tracks!

orangutan
ook

hirsute rooster

Joined
13 Apr 05
Moves
20603
Clock
26 Jan 23

@moonbus said
Sorry, I draw a blank.
You're fired.

Great Big Stees

Joined
14 Mar 04
Moves
184679
Clock
28 Jan 23

A sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here”.

rookie54
free tazer tickles..

wildly content...

Joined
09 Mar 08
Moves
204681
Clock
31 Jan 23

when pepsi made a peeps flavored sodapop they called it peepsi

Cookies help us deliver our Services. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Learn More.