Jokes

@great-big-stees said
A sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here”.

I went to a zoo that only had one animal. And that was a dog. It was a Shih Tzu.

I’m giving away racing geese for free.

You can come over if you wanna have a gander.

My wife won a free trip for two to Las Vegas. She went twice.😲

@great-big-stees said
My wife won a free trip for two to Las Vegas. She went twice.😲

I made a graph of my past relationships. There was an ex- axis. And there was a why axis.

I told my wife I want to be cremated. She's made an appointment for next Thursday.

Okay, not everyone thinks Cleopatra is beautiful.

But that's how Julius Caesar.

@fmf said
I made a graph of my past relationships. There was an ex- axis. And there was a why axis.

A guy sits down in a movie theater and notices that the man in front of him has brought his dog and it's sitting in the seat next to him.

He thinks it's unusual, but he likes dogs so he decides that as long as it's not a distraction he won't mention it.

The movie starts and pretty soon there's a funny part. The dog makes some low woofing sounds that seem like laughter. In a little while there's a sad part and the dog appears to be weeping. This continues throughout the film and the man sitting behind the dog is astounded.

When the lights come up he taps the dog's owner on the shoulder and tells him, "I gotta say, and I know it sounds weird, but it seemed like your dog really enjoyed this movie."

The dog owner looks at the dog and nods. "I know, it really is weird," he says, "because he absolutely hated the book."

@shallow-blue said
Surely those are the same?

Do glasses help Jane Seymour?

@the-gravedigger said
Do glasses help Jane Seymour?

I only believe in 12.5% of the Bible. I guess that makes me sn eighth theist.