Jokes

Originally posted by whodey
Here is a little known fact, the price of tea in China actually has to do with everything.

The best joke of all: look at your chess rating🙂

Did you hear about the boss-eyed school teacher ? ..
He got fired because he couldn't control his pupils .

School teacher says to his junior class
" ok kiddies ,when you come back to school tomorrow I want you to tell me a short story about your way home today "
The next day the school teacher asked his class what they saw on the way home .
" little jack, what did you see on the way home yesterday "
" I saw a red bus drive past full of people sir "
" ok, and little sarah what did you see on the way home / "
" I saw a helicopter fly overhead sir "
" right ,little johnny what did you see on the way home ?
" I saw a dog with a puncture sir "
" a dog with a puncture ,how did you know the dog had a puncture ? " asked the puzzled teacher .
" I saw another dog pumping it up sir " replied little johnny

One year, at the Westminster Dog Show, a Pit Bull breeder was bragging to a Dachshund breeder. "Of course, I have to be careful breeding Pit Bulls, since they are so mean."
"I know what you mean", said the Dachshund breeder. "I have the same problem."
"What are you talking about?" said the Pit Bull man. "Everybody knows Pit Bulls are the meanest dogs bred."
"Not so", said the Dachshund guy.
The Pit Bull breeder couldn't take that. "Tell you what. You make the meanest dachshund you can. I'll make the meanest pit bull I can, and we'll meet here next year to settle this."
A year went by, and the Pit Bull guy found the Dachshund breeder at the Show.
"Look here", he said, and opened up a huge cage. Out came the biggest, meanest Pit Bull ever created. "Where's your doxie?"
"Right here", said the Dachshund man, as he opened up his cage. Out stepped a nine-foot long dachshund!
The Pit Bull took one look, snarled, and attacked. The dachshund stood still, and at the last second, snatched the Pit Bull in his mouth and swallowed him whole!
"Damn!", said the Pit Bull breeder. "I hired the best genetic scientist I could find, and we found the absolute perfect dogs to breed and create that beast. He was the meanest one I ever saw. What the heck did you do?"
"Well", said the Dachshund breeder, "I just found a plastic surgeon who could make a crocodile look like a Dachshund."

Originally posted by phil3000
Scottish cloakroom attendant ... Angus Mc oatup
Two Irish gays ...Patrik fitsgerrald and Gerald Fitspatrick .
Irish window fitter ...Paddy O,Doors

Originally posted by Captain Strange
Scottish dentist
Phil McCavity

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

Originally posted by John Osmar
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

I always thought the starving Ethiopian jokes...

... were in poor taste.

Behold, God told John to come forth to inherit life.

However, John came in fifth and only won a toaster.

Ken Dodd...... " I always thought I was good in bed with the women until I found out that all my ex girlfriends suffered from asthma "

Originally posted by phil3000
Ken Dodd...... " I always thought I was good in bed with the women until I found out that all my ex girlfriends suffered from asthma "

I see there is going to be a similar vote in Russia this time regarding there leader .The voting forms read simply ...Putin or Putout .

My wife went to a beauty parlour for a quote. Took them two hours.
Then she came out with a mud pack on. She looked beautiful for two days, then the mud fell off.