Jokes

phil3000

General

27 Feb 14

phil3000

Joined: 27 Dec 05
Moves: 143878

12 Dec 16

What do you call "Humpty Dumpty's " parents ?
Sam and Ella

phil3000

Joined: 27 Dec 05
Moves: 143878

17 Dec 16

I bought my wife a pug dog .
Despite the flat face ,protruding chin ,bulging eyes and slaver I think the dog will grow to love her .

BongalloJoe

Not Gone Yet

STALKER ALERT!!

Joined: 15 Feb 16
Moves: 1685

17 Dec 16

Originally posted by phil3000
I bought my wife a pug dog .
Despite the flat face ,protruding chin ,bulging eyes and slaver I think the dog will grow to love her .

I see the resemblance.

wolfgang59

Quiz Master

RHP Arms

Joined: 09 Jun 07
Moves: 48794

18 Dec 16

Originally posted by BongalloJoe
Beer is my enemy.
God says to love your enemies.
Case closed.

Husband: I love you so much - I don't know what I would do without you!
Wife: Is that you or the beer talking?
Husband: It's me talking to the beer!

Ponderable

chemist

Linkenheim

Joined: 22 Apr 05
Moves: 679627

19 Dec 16

A salmon walks into a vegetarian restaurant and the waiter says, “Sorry, we don’t serve fish.”

phil3000

Joined: 27 Dec 05
Moves: 143878

19 Dec 16

1 edit

Man walks into his butchers shop and says " I would like a steak and kidley pie please "
The butcher replied " do you mean a steak and kidney pie ? sir "
The man replied " that's what I said ,diddle eye ? "

Ponderable

chemist

Linkenheim

Joined: 22 Apr 05
Moves: 679627

22 Dec 16

If a butcher is 6 feet tall, wears size 9 shoes, and a waist size of 38, what does he weigh?

Meat.

~~Executioner Brand~~

Grass Farmer

Joined: 28 Nov 16
Moves: 8420

22 Dec 16

-1

Originally posted by BongalloJoe
Beer is my enemy.
God says to love your enemies.
Case closed.

If you don't want to drink just stop drinking.

~~Executioner Brand~~

Grass Farmer

Joined: 28 Nov 16
Moves: 8420

22 Dec 16

me: better check my phone for texts from friends
me: *checks phone*
me: better get some friends

Very Rusty

Treat Everyone Equal

Halifax, Nova Scotia

Joined: 04 Oct 06
Moves: 664697

22 Dec 16

-1

Originally posted by Executioner Brand
If you don't want to drink just stop drinking.

EB,

Sometimes that is much easier said than done!!

-VR

~~Executioner Brand~~

Grass Farmer

Joined: 28 Nov 16
Moves: 8420

22 Dec 16

Originally posted by Very Rusty
EB,

Sometimes that is much easier said than done!!

-VR

I was pretty much forced to after a head injury in 2001, but you are correct.

Very Rusty

Treat Everyone Equal

Halifax, Nova Scotia

Joined: 04 Oct 06
Moves: 664697

22 Dec 16

-1

Originally posted by Executioner Brand
I was pretty much forced to after a head injury in 2001, but you are correct.

EB,

I have always been of the opinion that everything happens for a reason. Perhaps the head injury was not such a bad thing after all?

-VR

~~Executioner Brand~~

Grass Farmer

Joined: 28 Nov 16
Moves: 8420

22 Dec 16

2 edits

Originally posted by Very Rusty
EB,

I have always been of the opinion that everything happens for a reason. Perhaps the head injury was not such a bad thing after all?

-VR

If you read the psychiatrist's report on me you'd think it was a blessing. But you would be living a delusion.

It also makes for a lonely life because of what that entails.

It's not the drinking it's the noise or at a 'festive' occasion with lots of people.

phil3000

Joined: 27 Dec 05
Moves: 143878

22 Dec 16

What can a Bricklayer do that a hairdresser cannot ?
Pee on his own work .

Very Rusty

Treat Everyone Equal

Halifax, Nova Scotia

Joined: 04 Oct 06
Moves: 664697

22 Dec 16

1 edit

-1

Originally posted by Executioner Brand
If you read the psychiatrist's report on me you'd think it was a blessing. But you would be living a delusion.

EB,

I never have had a lot of faith in physiatrists or psychologists !!!

What medications do they have you on, if that is not getting too personal?

-VR