Jokes

phil3000

General

27 Feb 14

~~Removed~~

Joined: 26 Feb 14
Moves: 1339

02 May 14

Originally posted by phil3000
"Doctor,doctor I can't feel my legs .." I know " said the Doctor " I've cut your arms off "....
I got a wooden leg for Christmas ,it wasn't my main present it was just a stocking filler ..

mr butcher can I buy a pigs head but can you leave the eyes in to see us through the week

phil3000

Joined: 27 Dec 05
Moves: 143878

02 May 14

Originally posted by redbarons
mr butcher can I buy a pigs head but can you leave the eyes in to see us through the weekw

"Doctor,Doctor , I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains .
Dr , "pull your self together ".
"Doctor , I keep thinking I'm invisible"
Dr, "Who said that ?".
"Doctor ,I need something for wind " he gave me a kite !
"Doctor ,I'm hurting all over my body "
Dr ,"really can you point to me where "
Patient touches head, shoulders ,chest ,arms and knees.
Yes said the Doctor you've got a brocken finger .

phil3000

Joined: 27 Dec 05
Moves: 143878

02 May 14

1 edit

Dyslexic Farmer singing in the bath .." Old Mcdonald had a farm I,o ,u,e,o and on that farm he had a Horse .. i.e .o.u ,I"....

lolof

Joined: 10 May 07
Moves: 10128

07 May 14

Dear Algebra,
Please stop asking us to find your X. She is never coming back and don't ask Y.

HandyAndy

Read a book!

Joined: 23 Sep 06
Moves: 18677

07 May 14

Originally posted by lolof
Dear Algebra,
Please stop asking us to find your X. She is never coming back and don't ask Y.

But she never left. She's in disguise.

lolof

Joined: 10 May 07
Moves: 10128

07 May 14

Originally posted by HandyAndy
But she never left. She's in disguise.

I suppose it was an old joke to you all but it was new to me. 🙂

Grampy Bobby

Boston Lad

USA

Joined: 14 Jul 07
Moves: 43012

07 May 14

1 edit

Originally posted by lolof
I suppose it was an old joke to you all but it was new to me. 🙂

lolof, your sense of humour, funny stories and jokes are priceless.

lolof

Joined: 10 May 07
Moves: 10128

07 May 14

Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
lolof, your funny stories and jokes are priceless.

I'm usually very funny in Swedish, I don't manage so well in English, but thanks.

Grampy Bobby

Boston Lad

USA

Joined: 14 Jul 07
Moves: 43012

07 May 14

-2

Originally posted by lolof
I'm usually very funny in Swedish, I don't manage so well in English, but thanks.

You've come a very long way in your confidence and comfort with the English Language in the past year. Bravo!

cashthetrash

PoPeYe

This is embarrasking

Joined: 17 Nov 05
Moves: 44152

07 May 14

Two deer hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses to the ground. He doesn't appear to be breathing and his eyes are glossy. His hunting partner whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency hot line. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a short moment of silence, then a gun shot is heard. Running back to the phone out of breath, the guy says "OK, now what?

FreakyKBH

Unknown Territories

Joined: 05 Dec 05
Moves: 20408

08 May 14

Originally posted by lolof
Dear Algebra,
Please stop asking us to find your X. She is never coming back and don't ask Y.

I am close to 25 letters of the alphabet.

Y

I do not know.

wolfgang59

Quiz Master

RHP Arms

Joined: 09 Jun 07
Moves: 48794

08 May 14

Originally posted by lolof
I'm usually very funny in Swedish, I don't manage so well in English, but thanks.

Everybody is funny in Swedish!

wolfgang59

Quiz Master

RHP Arms

Joined: 09 Jun 07
Moves: 48794

08 May 14

Actually I remember years ago having 2 Swedes home for
dinner (they were business associates of my wife). We all
got very drunk (a Swedish hobby) and the 2 guys laughed
for hours that we had a vegetable called a swede.

My wife got the contract she wanted.

Grampy Bobby

Boston Lad

USA

Joined: 14 Jul 07
Moves: 43012

08 May 14

Originally posted by wolfgang59
Everybody is funny in Swedish!

Both Svenska Pojkes and Svenska Flickas?

lolof

Joined: 10 May 07
Moves: 10128

08 May 14

Originally posted by wolfgang59
Actually I remember years ago having 2 Swedes home for
dinner (they were business associates of my wife). We all
got very drunk (a Swedish hobby) and the 2 guys laughed
for hours that we had a vegetable called a swede.

My wife got the contract she wanted.

We are known for drinking a lot and being easily amused - how else would we survive up here? 🙂