Go back
the first line of yer novel

the first line of yer novel

General

Great Big Stees

Joined
14 Mar 04
Moves
186458
Clock
15 Jun 20

"Please tell me you didn't push the red button, private"

Kevin Eleven

Joined
06 May 15
Moves
27445
Clock
16 Jun 20

He navigated weirdly, to the consternation of all, until he reached the waterfall.

Ghost of a Duke

Joined
14 Mar 15
Moves
29602
Clock
23 Jun 20

Timothy hadn’t set out to join an evil organisation and was just something he’d stumbled into while looking for work in the retail sector.

Torunn

Gothenburg

Joined
11 Mar 16
Moves
28312
Clock
23 Jun 20
1 edit
Vote Up
Vote Down

@ghost-of-a-duke said
Timothy hadn’t set out to join an evil organisation and was just something he’d stumbled into while looking for work in the retail sector.

Torunn

Gothenburg

Joined
11 Mar 16
Moves
28312
Clock
23 Jun 20

My friends are trying to talk me into telling them what actually took place in London 1964-65, a time that changed my life forever - I guess they are anxious to know what I might keep quiet about, but after all these years, I'm still not clear what actually happened at 46, Leinster Square in Bayswater.

SRB

Joined
03 Apr 19
Moves
25268
Clock
23 Jun 20

@earl-of-trumps said
Lazy gulls waiting to feed, gently squawk and flap their wings
as workers file into the weather-worn wooden buildings of cannery row.
Love Cannery Row Mr Steinbeck, one of the first novels I ever read!

Woofwoof

Joined
06 Nov 15
Moves
41301
Clock
23 Jun 20

@petewxyz said
Love Cannery Row Mr Steinbeck, one of the first novels I ever read!
As contemporaries, I like Steinbeck more than Fitzgerald and just slightly less than Hemingway.

Classic American prose.

Kevin Eleven

Joined
06 May 15
Moves
27445
Clock
24 Jun 20
2 edits

My bunkmate Joe Lee was a wild kaleidoscope of a man who struggled to stay localized and focused, but eventually he succumbed to the distributive allure of post-incarnate life, as apparently had the constructors of Zotoba IV, who were not much more advanced than we when they vanished -- all of them now gone like the morning dew.

Woofwoof

Joined
06 Nov 15
Moves
41301
Clock
24 Jun 20

@caesar-salad said
My bunkmate Joe Lee was a wild kaleidoscope of a man who struggled to stay localized and focused, but eventually he succumbed to the distributive allure of post-incarnate life, as apparently had the constructors of Zotoba IV, who were not much more advanced than we when they vanished -- all of them now gone like the morning dew.
Too many adverbs.
But the idea could be strong.
I like it.

Great Big Stees

Joined
14 Mar 04
Moves
186458
Clock
24 Jun 20
Vote Up
Vote Down

And there she was...gone.

Torunn

Gothenburg

Joined
11 Mar 16
Moves
28312
Clock
24 Jun 20
Vote Up
Vote Down

@great-big-stees said
And there she was...gone.
(Great, but was she there, or was she gone...?)

Great Big Stees

Joined
14 Mar 04
Moves
186458
Clock
24 Jun 20
Vote Up
Vote Down

@torunn said
(Great, but was she there, or was she gone...?)
Gone.🤔😉

Kevin Eleven

Joined
06 May 15
Moves
27445
Clock
24 Jun 20
Vote Up
Vote Down

@great-big-stees said
Gone.🤔😉
But presumably she had been there.

You're going to cover that ground with some flashbacks, right? 😉

Torunn

Gothenburg

Joined
11 Mar 16
Moves
28312
Clock
24 Jun 20

@great-big-stees said
Gone.🤔😉
Great first line in the prose competition perhaps?

Kevin Eleven

Joined
06 May 15
Moves
27445
Clock
24 Jun 20
1 edit

@wolfe63 said
Too many adverbs.
But the idea could be strong.
I like it.
Thank you. It was admittedly turgid and over-freighted. Novelist and reader alike might struggle to continue. Not quite in the league of the openers for Neuromancer, Rebecca, or Anna Karenina. 😉

Cookies help us deliver our Services. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Learn More.