Beckham turns down Newcastle
Real Madrid's English hero, David Beckham turned down a move to North East club Newcastle United. A fee of £8 million was agreed for the former Manchester United man, but Beckham was reported to have said there was no way he could leave Real for Newcastle, especially after what the Toon Army had done to Thailand and surrounding area.
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Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two 'gotchas'."
The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it. And off they went.
Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100. "What happened?" asked one of the members.
"Well, "said the pro. "l was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand between my legs and grabbed my crouch while yelling "Gotcha!" Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second 'gotcha'?"
A blonde comes into a toy store and tells the male clerk she's shopping for a present for her nephew on a limited budget . Having no kids of her own , she asks for recomendations .
"How about a skate board ?" he asks .
"That seems like something he'd want . How much ?"
" $125 " The clerk says .
"That's to much . What else do you have ?"
"How about this baseball bat ? It only costs $25 ."
Blonde - "Great , I'll take it ."
"Do you wanna' ball for it ?"
Blonde , thinking for a second - "No , but I'll blow you for the skateboard ."
Dave comes into work monday looking horrible . There was a work party saturday , so everyone starts commenting on how wasted everyone was , including Dave .
Dave says -"I will never ever EVER get that drunk again in my life ! I swear to god ."
"Oh , common Dave ", says a coworker , "Everyone says that after a bad hangover , black out , etc . What makes this so different ?"
Dave says "You don't understand , i got so drunk I went home and blew chunks !"
"So , everyone throws up every once in a while ."
Dave- "You don't understand . 'Chunks' is my dog's name ."
A joke with puns and a punchline, what more do you need? 😛
Piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a pint.
Barman says "Are you a piece of string?"
Piece of string says "Yes."
Barman says "Well get out, we don't serve your type in here."
So piece of string leaves with the very 'thread' of his being demoralised. Next day he comes back and asks for a pint.
Barman says "Are you a piece of string?"
Piece of string says "Yes."
Barman says "Well get out, we don't serve your type in here."
So piece of string leaves with his every 'fibre' in emotional tatters.
Next day he comes back and asks for a pint.
Barman says "Are you a piece of string?"
Piece of string says "No, I'm afraid not."
Barman says "What'll you have then squire?"
a rabbit walks into a bar and says " can i have a carrot please"
the barman says "no, get out".
the next day the rabbit walks into the bar and says " can i have a carrot please" the barman says " listen i told you yesterday NO. now if you come in here asking for carrots again im gonna shoot you!"
so the rabbit leaves and the next day come back and says to the barman " excuse me do you have a gun?"
the barman replies " no"
rabbit : "oh good can i have a carrot then please"
😀
fred