Jokes

Does diarrhea run in your family?

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

My least favourite colour is purple.

I dislike it more than red and blue combined.

@ghost-of-a-duke said
My least favourite colour is purple.

I dislike it more than red and blue combined.

People should ease up on hassling billionaires, some of them are under enormous pressure.

@divegeester said
People should ease up on hassling billionaires, some of them are under enormous pressure.

@moonbus said
Especially when they hit rock bottom.

After a long night of making love, Danny rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans, and searched for his lighter.

Unable to find it, he asked Shiela if she had one at hand.

She replied: "There might be some matches in the top drawer."

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed photo of another man.

Naturally, Danny began to worry. He asked nervously: "Is this your husband?"

She replied, "No, silly", snuggling up to him.

He asked: "Your boyfriend, then?"

She said: "No, not at all", nibbling at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered Danny.

Calmly, Shiela replied: "Honey, that's me before the operation."

noah kept the honeybees in the ark hives

.

I'm going to start wearing all black now, so I can fit in with all the other non-conformists

My wife dated a clown before she started going out with me.

I had some pretty big shoes to fill.

Hacker: "I have all your passwords."
Me: "OMG thank you! What are they?"

A man walks into a pub and asks the bar tender for the WiFi password.
The bar tender replies "You have to buy a drink first"
So the man buys a Coke.
"Ok now what's the WiFi password?"
The bar tender replies "you have to buy a drink first, all lower case, no spaces"

A Scotsman walks into a pub and says, “The sign outside says free WiFi.”

The bartender says, “Yes, that’s right.”

Scotsman, “Great, I’ll have two.”

,

Q: What should you do to keep dogs away from you on your walk or run?

A: Bring a vacuum cleaner with you