05 Feb 10
Originally posted by Great Big SteesI've got a Jack Daniels Fishing Story to tell you... 'So I finally got around to going fishing this morning but after a while I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket. Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp, I released him into the lake without incident, and carried on my fishing with the frog. A little later I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same snake with two frogs in his mouth.'
It had been quite a while since she last had that SCENT pass through her ample nostrils. She was much more used to the smell of a Looneys metallic fragrance since her corner was in the lower eastend of the city. She followed him down Young St to the waterfront hoping upon hope that he'd forgive her for the way she'd treated him. He turned to see her following him and came to an abrupt stop. He looked her in the eye and said........
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05 Feb 10
Originally posted by Grampy BobbyHe thought to himself that he'd come across a veritable bait machine. He calculated that if he increased the amount of Jack that he put into it's gullet that the snake would give him more bait at a better per frog price than had he purchased then from a "normal" bait shop. Then it hit him like a bolt of Tennessee Lightening...."I see a business opportunity here", he thought. Later that day he made his way to the local "exotic" pet shop (Ed's Exotic Emporium and Tax Return). He made arrangements with Ed to get three more cottonmouths (he was able to get a volume discount) and so started his new venture. He even hired his female "friend" as his personal assistant as she had the ability to smell the ink on prospective customers bills thus allowing him to know that they were indeed the real thing.
I've got a Jack Daniels Fishing Story to tell you... 'So I finally got around to going fishing this morning but after a while I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in ...[text shortened]... ere was that same snake with two frogs in his mouth.'
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06 Feb 10
Originally posted by Great Big SteesRec'd.
He thought to himself that he'd come across a veritable bait machine. He calculated that if he increased the amount of Jack that he put into it's gullet that the snake would give him more bait at a better per frog price than had he purchased then from a "normal" bait shop. Then it hit him like a bolt of Tennessee Lightening...."I see a business oppor ...[text shortened]... ctive customers bills thus allowing him to know that they were indeed the real thing.
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06 Feb 10
Originally posted by coquetteAfter "plying" the snakes with the Jack and there being produced plenty of bait, there was some left over and he and she decided that since they'd thrown the cap away they'd finish it off. Well one thing led to another and he too woke up with that feeling of "desert mouth". What surprised him even more was the fact that there were three empty 26ers in the room and he was.....well naked with what looked like snake bites on his...wait for it...forearm.
oh, that horrid sensation! she needed a beer to wet her lips. That awful cottonmouth.
08 Feb 10
Originally posted by Great Big SteesHe thought quickly, " The truck, she can drive me to the Doctor in the pickup."
After "plying" the snakes with the Jack and there being produced plenty of bait, there was some left over and he and she decided that since they'd thrown the cap away they'd finish it off. Well one thing led to another and he too woke up with that feeling of "desert mouth". What surprised him even more was the fact that there were three empty 26ers i ...[text shortened]... nd he was.....well naked with what looked like snake bites on his...wait for it...forearm.
She quickly responded that she could not drive a standard transmission. It came down to a choice; die or risk his shiny, fully loaded, 1963 Mercury pick up in her hands.....
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08 Feb 10
Originally posted by expuddlepirateHe decided that he'd take the chance. He tried to explain the "three on the tree" but she wasn't able to get the gist of the clutch( she kept hitting the brake pedal instead). Finally he said "move over I'll drive for as long as I can, in the meantime call 911 on the cell". She looked at him as though he were speaking some foreign language. "Shell?", she said, "What are you talking about what shell?" He quickly realized that he was slurring his words and that meant that time was quickly fading for him to get to where he needed to be before....well before the end. He saw a light ahead on the left and made for it. They never made it. He blacked out, she screamed and the truck (oh the pity) slammed into the old oak tree and burst into flames. When she came to it was him or her and she chose her, leavng him to fry but she thought, "Oh well he's probably dead anyway and when it comes to it to thine own self be true".
He thought quickly, " The truck, she can drive me to the Doctor in the pickup."
She quickly responded that she could not drive a standard transmission. It came down to a choice; die or risk his shiny, fully loaded, 1963 Mercury pick up in her hands.....
08 Feb 10
Originally posted by Great Big SteesAs the truck rested aflame in the trunk of the oldest tree in Pottersville, the silence of the night was shattered by the sound of police, fire and EMT's responding to the crash and fire. Ariving and extinquishing the fire, no body was found in the truck. Not even the one of 'frogger' the original snake. Froger had been sleeping in the truck that night.
He decided that he'd take the chance. He tried to explain the "three on the tree" but she wasn't able to get the gist of the clutch( she kept hitting the brake pedal instead). Finally he said "move over I'll drive for as long as I can, in the meantime call 911 on the cell". She looked at him as though he were speaking some foreign language. "Shell?", ...[text shortened]... well he's probably dead anyway and when it comes to it to thine own self be true".
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08 Feb 10
Originally posted by expuddlepirateSunburnt looked on in amazement. Knowing that there had been three occupants she wondered how, since the truck was an antique and as such wasn't required to have seatbelts anything could have survived this horrific accident. She called in to her dispatcher to let then know that all that could be done was done and that she was going to the local donut shop (EAT ME) with the police where she and the police would fill out their reports over a dozen (cheaper that way eh) mixed donuts. As they were chowing down Frogger, who had been coiled up in the custom toolbox in the bed of the truck, slithered to the pond (Skunks Misery) to find a meal.
As the truck rested aflame in the trunk of the oldest tree in Pottersville, the silence of the night was shattered by the sound of police, fire and EMT's responding to the crash and fire. Ariving and extinquishing the fire, no body was found in the truck. Not even the one of 'frogger' the original snake. Froger had been sleeping in the truck that night.
09 Feb 10
Originally posted by Great Big SteesMeanwhile back at the ranch...........
Sunburnt looked on in amazement. Knowing that there had been three occupants she wondered how, since the truck was an antique and as such wasn't required to have seatbelts anything could have survived this horrific accident. She called in to her dispatcher to let then know that all that could be done was done and that she was going to the local donut ...[text shortened]... e custom toolbox in the bed of the truck, slithered to the pond (Skunks Misery) to find a meal.
09 Feb 10
1 edit
Originally posted by expuddlepirateWe interupt this thread for a stunningless infomercial:
Meanwhile back at the ranch...........
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09 Feb 10
Originally posted by expuddlepirate"Look like you know everything but really don't". Like Very Rusty, our poster child, you can convince yourself that you indeed know something about everything and are able to temporarily make others think you do too. The downside is that within the first day the others will see you for what you really are. The beauty of this is that you won't and never will unless of course you send an extra payment of only $9.99 for the antiCD. Call us now at 1-888-555-1212 and ask for operator #68 and we'll send you, absolutely free, a second set for only the cost of S + H. Act now as this is a limited time offer. Now back to our story....
We interupt this thread for a stunningless infomercial:
Do you want to be the center of attention at the party, impress the boss at work, make good marks on tests and reports? The do what millions are doing now. For only 6 easy payments of $999.99 you too can have the coveted secrets of.........
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09 Feb 10
Originally posted by expuddlepirateThe 650 frogs (bait), that Frogger and his/her three assistants, had managed to collect in the past two days were getting very hungry since their "owners" hadn't fed them. Because of the bulk of that kind of number and the fact that they were ravenous and confined in a rather small "pen"they were able, through brut force to make a break. Now we all know that there is nothing...well save for a woman who hasn't had time to put on her makeup before leaving the house to get groceries...more powerful than a gaggle of hungry frogs.
Meanwhile back at the ranch...........
09 Feb 10
Originally posted by Great Big SteesThe frogs started out with mouths open catching insects left and right, even a chipmonk or two found their way into a frog belly. The two remaining snakes knew they must act fast to save the business. They remebered living in the wild and there being absolutly NO Jack Daniels in the swamp. They worked hard up untill noon rounding up frogs. It seemed quite easy for them to do as the frogs were lathargic from all the insects but the count only reached 200, not even 1/3 the way finished. Then suddenly from out of the swamp emerged..........
The 650 frogs (bait), that Frogger and his/her three assistants, had managed to collect in the past two days were getting very hungry since their "owners" hadn't fed them. Because of the bulk of that kind of number and the fact that they were ravenous and confined in a rather small "pen"they were able, through brut force to make a break. Now we all k ...[text shortened]... p before leaving the house to get groceries...more powerful than a gaggle of hungry frogs.
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09 Feb 10
Originally posted by expuddlepirateThe THIRD frog (not including Froggy...remember there were a total of four) and in it's mouth was, not a frog, but a mickey of Jack Daniels. "This", it hissed, "will do until we can get our bosses to come back (they didn't know what had happened) with a bigger one". Between the three of them they managed, through some interesting contortions, to undo the cap and consume the nectar held within. Well it took no time for them to collect the remaing 450 frogs and put them back in the pen. They now had time to gather their thoughts, foggy as they were and try to figure out why the frogs were out of their pen. Slinky Split Tongue (it's tongue actaully was split in four because of interbreading. It's mother and father were really also it's brother and sister) thought, rightfully, that the bosses must have missed a feeding or six. Worried that there might be a problem it suggested to the others that they should try to figure out a way to get the frogs some more food and pretty soon.....TO BE CONTINUED
The frogs started out with mouths open catching insects left and right, even a chipmonk or two found their way into a frog belly. The two remaining snakes knew they must act fast to save the business. They remebered living in the wild and there being absolutly NO Jack Daniels in the swamp. They worked hard up untill noon rounding up frogs. It seemed q ...[text shortened]... eached 200, not even 1/3 the way finished. Then suddenly from out of the swamp emerged..........