Limerick Competition

Diagnosis.

Since his life was a war of attrition
He decided to ask a physician
'Do not worry, my dear
'cause it's all very clear
What you have is the human condition.'

No Prophet

There once was a fraud in Old Blighty
Who would speak on behalf of Th'Almighty
He got caught in a storm
That exceeded the norm
And became rather panicked and flighty.

In the garden

"Mum, there's a worm on my knee
And I'm scared that it's going to eat me!"
"Don't be silly our Shirl
Worms don't eat little girls
But the tiger behind you looks hungry!"

the missing piece

I found a chess set missing a queen
so I carved a piece called her Marlene
her moves were the same
when playing the game
but sweet she was not she was just mean

Sherlock Holmes

"Well, this is a proper whodunit
I can't for the life of me solve it."
"Elementary dear Watson
Please note the blood spots on
Dame Agatha's strawberry punnet."

Myron the Martian

There was an old Martian named Myron
who greatly enjoyed his environ
-ment, touring the canals
with his alien pals --
on a lark he would sound his boat's siren.

@indonesia-phil said
Living by numbers.

There once was a fellow called Evans
Worked nine to five at some seven elevens
He has been of late
In a right two and eight
And now he's at sixes and sevens.

The forum they called "debates"
Was turned off because of the hates
The regulars fumed
but when it resumed
It's clear that they'll never be mates.

i've discovered disappearing pixels
and it's not just another of my tricksels
i said something wrong
and poof they was gone
and i didn't even helicopter my diksel

the cook
there was a cook who cooked by the book
sure that spices were all that it took
a little bit here
with a pint of beer
made him mellow and strong as a rook

A Gent of Dunedin

There was an old gent of Dunedin
Who died in his garden while weedin'.
They buried him there
With flowers for hair
And his pipe and the book he'd been readin'.

The Poet

A red-headed rhymer from Rome
For bad verses was tossed out of home.
Having no moral fibre,
He jumped in the Tiber,
And floated away on the foam.

No, Not That Duchess

There was a deplorable duchess
Who liked going round kicking crutches.
Her demeanor was haughty,
She enjoyed being naughty,
But she's presently in the law's clutches.