@FMF
One opinion:
1. keep them safe
2. set the right example
From Amazon just now: 1-48 of over 60,000 results for "parenting book"
Perhaps if there was a correct way to raise children we would not need 60,000 different books. One book would suffice one might think.
The word “parenting” didn't appear in literature until the 1950s and it became common the 1970s. Not sure what adults did before the parent advice industry industry was invented.
I think yours is a good question and worth exploring further.
@anitya saidWithout any specific knowledge of the publishing industry, my gut instinct tells me that books about parenting probaby appeared and proliferated in parallel with the New Age "movement" of the 60s and 70s.
The word “parenting” didn't appear in literature until the 1950s and it became common the 1970s. Not sure what adults did before the parent advice industry industry was invented.
Before that, stuff about babies and children was probably exclusively in women's magazines [the date the word "parenting" was coined notwithstanding].
And before that, when mass media didn't have the reach, parenting skills were probably almost exclusively a generational heirloom that varied widely from family to family ~ which, undoubtedly, they still do regardless of the preponderance of instructional material and advice.
Not sure what adults did before the parent advice industry industry was invented.In earlier years, parents raised their children pretty much the same way they were raised. Boys learned boy things, like handling tools and making machines work, and girls learned girl things, like how to prepare meals and how to do the laundry.
Children were perceived as miniature adults and expected to behave obediently and never to express anger.
@handyandy saidWhen parents could no longer learn from their parents or grandparents due to a number of reasons, they felt they needed guidance and may still do. In big families, not so common now, siblings helped and served as good examples. Also, parents had the necessary authority that was abandoned here during 60-70's - at home and at school. You often lived in smaller communities - it takes a village to raise a child.
In earlier years, parents raised their children pretty much the same way they were raised. Boys learned boy things, like handling tools and making machines work, and girls learned girl things, like how to prepare meals and how to do the laundry.
Children were perceived as miniature adults and expected to behave obediently and never to express anger.
In fact I think it is a good thing that parents become more aware of the challenges to raise a child (or children).
However you can probably take 54000 of the books and throw them out of the window, since they either just repeat what is said in the good ones (often without giving sources) or that they use the tiniest sample to draw general conclusions ("I did that with my only child and it came out well, so everybody should do exact the same and the problem will be solved"😉.
My mother (who had her children when quite young (21 to 25) often said: "You need a lot of lessons to be allowed to drive a car, but you can just have children, that is plain wrong". I would appreciate if schools would devote some time to explain the concepts of "personalitiy" and the "development of personality" that could help (though I fear that some pupils would just sleep through that lessons, especially those who would profit most.
And a word on "how did they do it before". If you have a society which is quite rigid and families with several children, then "parenting" is not that difficult, siblings will educate each other (consciently or "just" by example) as will playmates do. And of course in societies will punish "unfavourable" behaviour. And a lot of sorrow came upon the majority of humans through it.
@ponderable saidWhen people lived in small communities, as my grandparents did and earlier generations, they were in better control because they knew what was going on at school, in other families and so on. In bigger communities they lost that touch.
In fact I think it is a good thing that parents become more aware of the challenges to raise a child (or children).
However you can probably take 54000 of the books and throw them out of the window, since they either just repeat what is said in the good ones (often without giving sources) or that they use the tiniest sample to draw general conclusions ("I did that with my ...[text shortened]... ll punish "unfavourable" behaviour. And a lot of sorrow came upon the majority of humans through it.
@fmf saidThe early years are a complex time and more difficult for some children and parent/s or guardian/s than others. So many things can happen to tip the balance and disrupt a potentially secure attachment for a baby leading to longer term difficulties in maintaining a trusting relationship in which a child can physically and emotionally grow, feeling grounded and able to cope with what life will throw into it’s pathway.
Some may be better at it than others, but there's no one way to do it. What are the key attributes, skills and techniques for parenting?
I'd say you can't be a successful parent without a fair bit of honest self-criticism and the resulting, necessary flexibility attendant thereto.
I always wondered whether the fact that my newly delivered baby was left abandoned, crying in a cot across the other side of a large room for what seemed like 20 mins had an impact upon him? All of the nurses had disappeared and I felt too exhausted and wobbly to risk crossing the room to pick him up. He grew up very troubled. Our family also experienced the loss of 3 grandparents before he reached his 3rd birthday which didn’t make it an easy time.
@drewnogal saidWhat I should have known about parenting earlier, I have learnt later in life, as grandmother and great-grandmother. Things are so much easier and so much more complex than I expected. I wouldn't think that those 20 minutes had a severe impact on your child. The 9 months of pregnancy are more important than I could ever imagine. If I could do it all over again, I would start bonding already that early, concentrating on my baby, not on myself and partner.
The early years are a complex time and more difficult for some children and parent/s or guardian/s than others. So many things can happen to tip the balance and disrupt a potentially secure attachment for a baby leading to longer term difficulties in maintaining a trusting relationship in which a child can physically and emotionally grow, feeling grounded and able to cope ...[text shortened]... ced the loss of 3 grandparents before he reached his 3rd birthday which didn’t make it an easy time.
@trev33 saidThis is probably how Van the Man got his temperament and outlook.
Throw kid outside, shout when food is ready, throw kid outside again when finished, shout when time to go to bed, if kid doesn’t answer try again in 10 minutes, still no response, oh well. They can sleep outside.
@anitya said100 yrs ago I doubt parents needed such a book.
@FMF
One opinion:
1. keep them safe
2. set the right example
From Amazon just now: 1-48 of over 60,000 results for "parenting book"
Perhaps if there was a correct way to raise children we would not need 60,000 different books. One book would suffice one might think.
The word “parenting” didn't appear in literature until the 1950s and it became common the 1970 ...[text shortened]... ice industry industry was invented.
I think yours is a good question and worth exploring further.