23 Feb 23
@very-rusty saidThere are probably many books on how to speak Hungarian.
Books don't always work, although you probably think they are the solution to everything, they are NOT! 😛 🙂
There are probably as many books on Chess, which haven't done you any good. Point Proven??
You could study them all and know them and still make mistakes, called being human! 🙂
-VR
But if you don't read them and can't speak Hungarian that's not the books fault.
23 Feb 23
1 edit
@the-gravedigger saidWould these be your wise words for the YEAR? 😛 🙂
There are probably many books on how to speak Hungarian.
But if you don't read them and can't speak Hungarian that's not the books fault.
I'm fairly certain fmf's never even opened a chess book, I'd be quite shocked to find out differently. 🙂
-VR
23 Feb 23
@fmf saidThere are books, that's true. There's books on the importance of boundaries and why a bit of risk is healthy.
I would hazard a guess there are probably 500,000 books in English on the joys of parenthood, many of them extremely good and which enable parents to avoid making lots of mistakes.
But it's still the parent who makes the decisions. And the parent who worries. The parent who shoulders the responsibility.
Before I had children I was blissfully full of confidence I knew everything there was to know, could do anything I set my mind to and no challenge I couldn't meet. The very minute my first child was born I realised the truth, that I knew nothing about anything that mattered. And I'm still learning about the things that matter.
There's no book that can teach me about my children because they're real, I'd have to be the author, I'm the one learning about my children more everyday.
It's just hard, that's all I'd wanted to say.
In fact it's exhausting
And scary, all that responsibility
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23 Feb 23
@yo-its-me saidI salute your endeavour.
Nothing more to say. It's just really hard making decisions for little ones and not so little ones. In fact the bigger the little ones are, the tougher the decisions get. The more resistance, the more options and things parents need to decide on. The more justification needed for deciding the opposite to what the child wants to happen.
@yo-its-me saidYes, it is scary. And it is a huge responsibility. A few pointers, if I may.
There are books, that's true. There's books on the importance of boundaries and why a bit of risk is healthy.
But it's still the parent who makes the decisions. And the parent who worries. The parent who shoulders the responsibility.
Before I had children I was blissfully full of confidence I knew everything there was to know, could do anything I set my mind to and no ...[text shortened]... st hard, that's all I'd wanted to say.
In fact it's exhausting
And scary, all that responsibility
1. you cannot mold their personalities, and it‘s not your job to do that anyway. They are born complete humans, they are not blank slates on which you can write anything you want to. If you attempt to mold them, you may or may not get compliance, but they will in either case resist you or grow up stunted and desperately unhappy.
2. Your job is to make yourself superfluous as quickly as possible, and you‘ve got at most 12 years to do that, maybe less. Your job is to teach them the rules of the society where you and they live, to respect others, and to help them discover their talents (whatever they may be) by exposing them to everything allowed (music, sports, theater, dance, literature, arts, sciences, animals, nature, etc.). By 13, they‘re already wanting to fly the coop, so get them ready as quickly as possible to get on without you. The best way to do that is to let them explore for themselves and for god‘s sake let them make mistakes!
3. A word of wisdom from my mom: there are two situations in which you simply MUST act immediately: either the child stops breathing, OR the child won‘t stop bleeding. Everything else can wait until the child figures it out for himself (with an occasional hint from you). A word of wisdom from my wife (Dr. med.): if a toddler falls down on the playground and cries, it‘s going to be ok; if a toddler falls down on the playground and does not cry, get it to the emergency room fast.
4, hurrying a child never makes things happen more quickly; it only makes everyone mad.